Post # 1
I don’t really know where to start, I’m so disappointed. My Maid/Matron of Honor is my best friend, we met in college, and when my fiancé proposed, I asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor which she excitedly accepted. She has never been flaky before in all the years I’ve known her (about 6).
My shower was a couple weeks ago and she didn’t plan anything for it, but she was supposed to come help setup and just enjoy the day. She didn’t even show up. She let my mom know she wasn’t coming about 45 minutes before they were supposed to start setting up, so I rushed over to help my mom get it ready in time. No reason why, just not coming.
I asked to meet her at the seamstress so we could get her alterations done; she decides about a half hour before that she can’t make it. My fiancé and I bought her her bridesmaid dress and her jewelry for the wedding. She is Mormon and wears undergarments, so I searched high and low to find something to accommodate that since she refused to wear anything non-garment-covering. I ordered dresses from a LDS boutique for the bridesmaids (MOH is the only Mormon one). It was a pain to find a dress and honestly, if I had my choice, I’d have gone with something strapless or low back. Come to find out, she’s willing to ditch the garments for literally everything except for my wedding. For example: other weddings and dates and going to the beach— just not my event. That kinda annoyed me a little, only because it’s so hard to find something that in my opinion, isn’t matronly.
The thing that kinda broke the camel’s back for me was when I mentioned something about the reception and she informed me that she has to leave after the wedding, won’t be at the reception because of work. She’s known about the wedding date for over a year. I’m starting to wonder if she’ll even be in my wedding at all, or if the day of, she decides she’s out.
We’re less than one week away from the wedding and I’m feeling majorly let down and almost like I don’t want her there since I can’t count on her. I’ve asked nothing of her except to meet me at alterations (so I can pay for it; she doesn’t have much money) and to help my mom with the shower (not buy anything, just come put up decorations) and I thought it was a given to at least stay for dinner?
I understand that my wedding isn’t as exciting to people other than my fiancé and I (except my mom), but man. She’s skipped out on the two things I asked and is skipping out after the ceremony and I just need some support/advice as to how to handle a flaky Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 2
Yeah she is being shitty and your feelings are completely valid. I’d be upset too – especially the skipping out on the reception. That’s not ok.
Post # 3
I was ready to come in and say that people often expect too much from their bridal party…but I would be pissed too especially all the flakiness. I can’t stand making plans with people who back out at the last minute. At least you know now where your friendship stands and you can start removing yourself if that’s what you want to do. Enjoy this last week of preparation and have a fantastic wedding.
Post # 4
Hmm. Does she have something going on in her life that you aren’t aware of? Seems so weird! Keep us updated on what happens.
Post # 5
Forget being a crappy Maid/Matron of Honor, she is being a wack azz friend. Best friend? I don’t think so. You can ask her to just come as a guest because she has been uninterested in standing by your side. It might end your friendship, but will that be a loss?
Honestly, if this was my bestie, I would have already had a convo with her. That’s how me and my mostest closest are though. Like, Bish, why have you been acting like a douche rocket? Have I done something? I would never let it get this far if this was my bestie. Not even because of the wedding, but because if someone is your best friend, you have a friendship above all, and that should be maintained. This girl does not sound like a friend. Try having a frank convo with her. Maybe something is going on. If that yields no fruit, Ask her to step down to avoid stress on your day.
Post # 6
I don’t think so, she’s been acting normal other than refusing to do anything wedding related at the very last minute. She did like a guy (didn’t actually date him), and he didn’t want to date her, and that’s the only thing I can think of that may be making her sour about my wedding.
Post # 7
Ahhh jealously at it’s finest. I bet that’s part of it.
Post # 8
In her defense all she has to do is show up to the wedding in the attire. If she does that she has done what she needs to do as Maid/Matron of Honor. If she didn’t volunteer to do anything for the bridal shower than you should not have told her to do anything. That was really crappy. Bailing at the last minute isn’t cool, but she literally has no job other than show up to the wedding in the dress.
Post # 9
I’d sit her down for a polite but firm chat. See what she says and take it from there. Honestly if her response isn’t reassuring, I’d politely tell her to come as a guest. Making someone an Maid/Matron of Honor is an honour and the only thing she needs to do is AT LEAST show up and stay throughout the event. If that’s not even guaranteed, then she doesn’t deserve the honour. She’s being an incredibly shitty friend right now.
Post # 10
If she was doing this as just a friend, forget that it’s wedding-related, it would be crappy. You don’t bail on plans last minute. You also don’t RSVP that you’re coming to something then not come. I assume she RSVPed yes to the shower and to your wedding reception?
By any chance, are you one of the first to get married? I know my sil was moh in her friend’s wedding a year or two out of college. Ten years later, she talks about how bad she was as moh. She just didn’t know what was expected of her or what was acceptable because she hadn’t been in a wedding before and really hadn’t even gone to many weddings to that point. Could that be the issue here?
Post # 11
If this is out of character for her, I’d venture to say that there’s something else going on here. Have you tried asking her what’s going on? Come from a place of concern, not frustration over your wedding events.
Post # 12
is your wedding on a sunday night? if so, i dont think you can be mad at her for skipping out early. otherwise, yeah she’s being super shitty and i’d likely ask her to step down.
Post # 13
I’d be annoyed, too. Not that she shirked non-existent duties, but for her last minute bailing out on plans. I would ask her if everything is okay with her and between you. Of course, regardless of what she says you never know what is going on in someone else’s life. Everything else being equal, all of these incidents combined would normally make me think she has some kind of an issue with you.
It is also really strange that she only insisted on dressing modestly for your wedding and not others. Has she become more observant recently? Could that be part of all this? Or someone attending the reception she does not want to see?
Post # 14
Disagree with PP saying all she has to do is show up in the dress, I guess that’s true but who wouldn’t feel shitty if their Maid/Matron of Honor all of a sudden doesn’t care to be involved in anything wedding related? It doesn’t sound like you’re being a bridezilla or expecting anything unreasonable, I’d be upset and hurt if I were you too.
If I were you I would talk to her, just ask her what’s up, give her the examples you’ve given us and ask her if there’s something going on, and if she still wants to be in the wedding. You shouldn’t be stressed about this one week before your wedding, I’d try to figure it out ASAP and just put it to rest.
Post # 15
No, it’s on a Saturday. The ceremony is late afternoon, and the reception ends at 10. I don’t except people to stay that late if they don’t want to, but I thought she’d stay through dinner at least, which starts at 6:30.