So disappointed in MOH. Wedding is on Saturday.

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 18
616 posts
Busy bee

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seattlest :  

Well, I tried to find an excuse for her haha. Yeah, she’s being shitty. What did you say to her when she said she wasn’t coming to your reception?

Post # 19
5480 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

She’s clearly avoiding you so if you know where she lives, and are ‘best friends’ like you think, then go to her house and demand to know what’s up. You need to know before the wedding. Good luck.


Post # 20
538 posts
Busy bee

I would advise her to attend the wedding as a guest and if it ruins the “friendship” so be it. She doesn’t seem to be that great of a friend anyhow. (But I don’t have patience for flakiness either so… There’s that.)

Post # 21
1164 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

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futuremrs2020 :  I completely agree. I hate that reasoning – if they are your best friend and don’t do anything other than “show up in the dress”, knowing this is probably the biggest event of your life, something is wrong. 

Post # 22
5002 posts
Bee Keeper

She doesn’t sound like a friend, she sounds like a pain in the ass.  I’d talk to her right now and ask her if she would prefer to come as a guest or not at all. Tell her that she’s bailed on so much stuff at the last minute that you would like to know now rather than get the news 20 minutes before the wedding.

The whole thing with the undergarment is strange, but I knew a woman who went back and forth about wearing her hijab and not wearing it.

Post # 23
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

Wow, this is so strange. If it really is out of character for her, I would definitely ask her what’s going on. It doesn’t have to be accusatory, just concerned. If my best friend was behaving like this, I would be really worried about them!

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, Bee. This should be a time for excitement! Not disappointment.

Post # 24
51 posts
Worker bee

Wow. OP made the same post on the wedding planning reddit, and I just finished reading it. I’m interested in the responses here vs reddit. 

Post # 25
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
seattlest :  find a replacement for Maid/Matron of Honor , i would explain to one of your Bridesmaids what the situation is and that you need a moh to be there for you on your wedding day. Are you having the best man and Maid of honor do speeches? It’s going to turn heads if best man makes a speech and you don’t have anyone on your behalf doing a speech for you… 

Post # 26
835 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

View original reply
vikingbride89 :   I’m not sure if upgrading someone at the last minute will help the situation, as it will involve others in the conflict, elevate the drama (seems to be at a low key, passive aggressive level right now) and cause questions for more than one friendship.

I think the first action is to have a conversation with the Maid/Matron of Honor and figure out what is plaguing her. Is she unmarried? Always a bridesmaid, never a bride? Is someone in her family ill? Stressed about work/school? Hopefully the tone that you’ve used to request simple things from her has been humble and kind.

Second action is to either reinforce/reinstate her status as Maid/Matron of Honor with realistic expectations that everyone agrees to OR to talk to your entire bridal party at once and ask them for help. If you single out another bridesmaid at the last minute as a Maid/Matron of Honor, you are placing a rank on your friends at the worst possible time. If you approach them as a team of friends who can help you, they can work together to decide how to tackle everything. Keep your order down the aisle the same, ask them if they can come up with a solution for the toast and if they can figure out how to share some of the burden.

Post # 27
959 posts
Busy bee

You could ask her to reqlinquish her duties as a Maid/Matron of Honor. 

Seriously though, you should definitely discuss this with her before taking any actions…especially if this behavior is odd for her. At the time you asked her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor, you didn’t have any reason to expect that she’d flake on you. 

Post # 28
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Have you had a sitdown with her to touch base?  If this is completely out of character for her, maybe there is something bigger going on?  It doesn’t excuse her actions AT ALL, but maybe there’s something going on and she’s doing a really crappy job of trying to juggle it and your wedding?  There is also the complete possibility she’s pulling away from you because she’s mourning the friendship she thinks she may lose.  When I found out I’d never have biological kids, both my sisters & my BFF were all expecting.  I pulled away from them and had to take a breather from all things baby b/c I was not in a good place.  I’ll always regret doing that because I wasn’t the friend & sister I should have been.  Maybe she’s hurting?  Check in with her!  You deserve an answer and good communication!!!!!

And that was very sweet of you to consider her on the dresses!  (Not cool of her flaking).  Just a side note, it would be very …struggling for the right word here…improper?  to wear garments to the beach.  I’m LDS and while I wear my garments 99.99999999 % of the time, I don’t when going to the gym or some other kind of physical activity (beach, water park, etc).

Post # 29
38 posts
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Vineyards

I would have a really blunt conversation with her and ask does she even care at all, because if not then she shouldn’t stand up at your wedding. All of what you outlined sounds very awful

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