Post # 1
I recently came back from a weekend trip with my boyfriend to celebrate 4 years together. I was expecting him to propose and wanted to just have a great weekend away. I was right, he didn’t propose. I can’t help but be so completely utterly and totally disappointed. I know many of you have and are waiting for longer periods of time, but it’s SO hard!
Like I said, we’ve been together for 4 years now, 4 absolutely wonderful years. We talk about marriage, kids, buying a house together and spending our lives together all the time. He even told me about 6 months ago that he’s ready to start trying for kids in October. He’s also taken me out to look at real estate in the area of town that we want to live. He also took me to look at rings in January. He’s always maintained that he wants to be married before having kids and buying a house together. I completely agree, but his recent actions say otherwise.
I love him, I’m happy with him and I’m not going anywhere, but I can’t help but feel sad and disappointed. This summer is especially hard. I have a sibling getting married, and two great friends getting married, I also have another sibling having a baby, I’m turning 30 AND we’re celebrating our four years together.
We’re both 30 (well I’m almost), have never been married and have no children. It’s really important to me to have kids, at least 3 of them and it just feels like my time is slipping away from me.
I don’t really know what I wanted to get out of posting this, some encouraging words, a chance to vent? All I know is that it is really damn hard to meet a 19 year old on her bachelorette party while I’m celebrating four years and not engaged 🙁
Post # 3
I started to wish my boyfriend would propose around year 2, and he didn’t until year 4! every time an anniversary or holiday came around, I’d get my hopes up. it was hard.
don’t worry, it’ll come when it is right for you!
also, didn’t you know 30 is the new 20? you have plenty of time 🙂
Post # 4
I can relate the being 30 and wanting to have children. Biologically, our doctors tell us we’re running out of time.
I can’t make any suggestions for what you should do. I know if I were in that position, the next time he mentioned having children as early as October, I’d casually ask him what happened to being married first. (but the stuff I think of usually backfires).
Waiting is hard. Patience is a virtue, I do not possess. I just have to keep myself busy.
Post # 5
I’ve been waiting for it for at least 2 years now…. patiently waiting. In fact, I knew after two weeks that i was going to marry him. He even comments on our friends rings and talks about their wedding plans and how he would like ours to be for years now, but no ring, no engagement.
And you’re not kidding me with the 30 is the new 20 lol, I want at least 3 kids and my body can only do that for so long
Post # 6
We’ve also lived together for 3 1/2 years now. I quit my job in November, but we’re doing fine for money and i know he has some put away. We also both already own our own homes.
I know a lot of other ladies feel the same way as me, we love our men and it SUCKS to wait for him to finally do it. Sometimes I feel like he’s just procrastinating and the next thing you know it’s been another year or something.
Oh and we talk about our future all the time, so it’s not like it’s not being brought up! And not only by me lol
Post # 7
@Sarabara590: It is soooo hard and even more frustrating, believe me. The hardest part about planning for a future is waiting for the pieces to fall into place.
My man and I were together a little over five years when he proposed and I believe the overall response from friends and family was “it’s about time.” I don’t know he waited so long but in the end we are just that much more ready for marriage.
If he is ready for marriage perhaps he has something up his sleeve and your getaway weekend was too obvious? Men are interesting when it comes to these things. My man had plenty of opportunities at special moments but wanted to wait for our annual NYE trip to Yosemite to propose in a very specific spot, maybe your man has the same idea?
If he is talking about all these life changing things he is obviously headed in the right direction and maybe just needs a little more time for the pieces to fall into place. I know it’s hard but just give him the time and you’ll likely be happy that you did.
Post # 8
@Treejewel19: Thanks for the response. I know where it is headed, I know he wants it to be a surprise, blah blah blah right? lol It’s just so hard to picture and plan a future together when you can’t actually start doing any of it yet. I also know he wants it to be a surprise. When my sister got engaged, she knew it was happening and it actually made my man angry that she knew! He thought it should be a total surprise.
So, yes, it was too obvious. And no, I didn’t expect it going into it, which makes it extra hard that I got SO disappointed when it didn’t happen. if that makes any sense?
I hate talking to my family and friends about it to, one of my gfs that has the worst relationships imaginable thinks it’s horrible that he hasn’t proposed. I don’t listen to a word she says of course.
I’m really happy to have found these boards and to have come across so many women in the same boat as me!
Post # 9
the waiting is really really hard. i had a very similar situation. i thought it was going to happen on our 10 year anniversary trip. definitely did not happen. he ended up waiting 9 more months! it SUCKED the whole time. hang in there and vent on the bee whenever you need to.
Post # 10
@Sarabara590 I don’t know how to edit my original post but I WASN’T expecting him to propose on the trip!
Post # 11
@MissOwl ugh it’s so frustrating! Some days I want to cry, other days I want to punch all my friends that look at me with that stupid pity look and say ohhh don’t worry, it’ll happen for you too lol.
Even harder is the friends and family with bad relationships that get engaged and married! my man and I are super happy, don’t really argue much, have a ton in common, get along really well and have fun all the time
Post # 12
@Sarabara590: I know, I know and I totally get it (more than I want to). I continued to tell my man that I didn’t even want to look at rings until he was serious, I just didn’t want the let down. We looked at rings, looked again and one year later we still weren’t engaged.
Men are curious creatures and he later said he wanted the ring to be amazing (it is!!) and the moment to be perfect. While I was torturing myself while waiting he had a plan and I am thankful that I waited.
P.S. DON’T listen to what anyone else says (easier said than done, right??). So many people have preconcieved notions of when you should be married, what a relationship should be like etc. This is you and him planning a future together and no one else should have a say in when, where and how. I promise things will work out for the best just focus on your life, your relationship and time together and let the labels and jewelry fall into place naturally.
Post # 13
So frustrating! I know what you mean….I’m 35, and waiting for the proposal myself. We want a family, so I try not to listen to the “your eggs are drying up” voices in my head and from my friends etc.
I realized that I’m still very lucky. I’ve found the man I want to spend my life with, and while I wish it would have happened earlier, I have friends at 35, 36 who are single and still dating losers. Thank god that is over! Now we just wait… 🙂
Post # 14
I was in a similar situation until…last Tuesday! We’ve been together for almost six years. I turned 30 last summer, the day after my cousin (who is one day younger than my fiance) got married to a girl younger than I am!!! My bf (I am not used to calling him fiance yet) couldn’t even be there because it was across the country. It was so hard…but he finally proposed. We won’t be married for another year, and so we won’t have kids until I’m at LEAST 32. =(
However, my gynecologist told me that a woman’s body doesn’t TRULY start changing until she’s 38, so it’ll be okay! Also, my mom had me when she was 33, and my brother when she was 36, and we’re both fine. My BF’s mom had him when she was 34, and her two other kids when she was 36 and then 39. So we will be okay!
Post # 15
Awww, it’s too bad he didn’t propose! Maybe he wanted to and chickened out?…maybe he’s still saving for a great ring? You could talk about it with him. I find women who suffer in waiting to be unfair. I’m a go-getter myself. I proposed to my bf! He was completely stunned and said «yes» 🙂 I couldn’t stand waiting around for him to pop the question so I asked him. I’m a high school teacher and I’ve already inspired some students with my story, yay! More power to women 😉
Best of luck my dear!!