Post # 1
I’m not going to get into why my SO REALLY dislikes, possibly hates, my future sister in law . Bottom line is that he just does not liker her at all–to the point where he doesnt even want to see her. He doesnt expect me to do anything and understands that I can’t distance myself from my bro simply because my SO hates his future wife. BUT it just makes me really upset to see that this is happening. In fact, my SO is shocked that my brother has decided to marry this woman and he says he cant even stand my brother!
I feel very shitty about all of this since I cant do anything about it. A part of me feels even that my relationship with SO is doomed. We’ve already had SO many obstacles (with his family initially being against me) and this is another obstacle that i cant change.
I asked him directly if he is having doubts/hesitation about us and he looked me directly in the eye and said NO!…….
Anyway, cant help but feel crappy about this. Any advice or similar experiences?
Post # 3
????It kinda depends on why he dislikes your brother and Future Sister-In-Law. I cant really give advice if Im not sure if the reason is legit or not. I do agree that these “dislikes” can cause tension in your relationship though depending on how close you are with your family and how much you LET this affect your relationship. I would be very upset if my SO didnt like some of my family members, but i think it would take something drastic for him to feel that way. Everyone has different opinionsand lifestyles, you kinda just have to learn to ‘all get along’ anyways – For the sake of keeping the peace IMO
Post # 4
I know you’ve been posting a lot lately about issues that you’ve been having and honestly? I think you’re stressed out and focusing too much on negative things. You are obsessing over whether he will or won’t propose and this issue to me would be a red flag. Is your gut trying to tell you something? As hard as it is… maybe you need to listen to it.
Post # 5
I want to laugh that kind of bland, emotionless laugh that is entirely empathetic. People just don’t get along sometimes. I feel you here! Fiance and I have certainly had our share of “I don’t like your so-and-so” or even “so-and-so’s-so-and-so”. There’s been plenty of “my so-and-so does not like you” or “has done this completely unacceptable thing to you”. It’s just part of integrating families. If you feel the way your SO is reacting or expressing himself to be contributing to your stress levels then my best advice is to talk with him about your concerns. Sounds to me like he might be someone who deals with it that way, plain and simple. It’s obviously not enough to scare him off of you!
Less generic advice – my Fiance does not like my brother’s SO! He and my brother go way back and so whenever my Fiance has trouble with my SIL it deeply upsets him. Thank goodness my Fiance has his head screwed on enough to not freak out at either of them. I have to remind him sometimes that she makes my brother very happy. Also, that I love my brother and that he deserves to have a life long companion that HE has picked, not my FI! Just laugh it off if you can.
Post # 6
@GreenDream: Thanks, that’s the best advice ever–I really do need to learn to laugh these things off.
@misschickpea: There really is no specific reason why he doesn’t like my future SIL, he just has decided that there’s something off abour her and that she’s up to no good. And to be honest, my mom and I also had weird feelings about her and I still dont feel 100% comfortable around her–it’s just something you sense. But at the end of the day, she is the person that my brother chose so we all came to accept it. But SO isn’t the kind of guy to just go along with things. He stands firm on his opinion of her–although he has NEVER been rude to her–just distant.
I guess that is life and I cant make him like anyone.
Post # 7
Not everyone will get along all of the time. BUT, if you fi wants to be a part of your family (when he marrys you) then he is going to have to be polite with them and try to get along.
To me it sounds like he suddenly doesnt like them because theyre engaged now and he is feeling the pressure to propose to you… and he may not be ready for that yet.
Post # 8
I’m posting anonymously for this because you’ll soon see why:
I can’t staaand my FI’s sister, neither can most of my family, and 75% of the time, neither can my Fiance. She is a self-centered brat and if it was up to me, she’d be gone, out of here, audios! Does this diminish at all my love for my FI? Not one bit. I love him so much and I would marry him today sister or no sister. I’m marrying him and not his family, though obviously they play a big part and we have family get togethers and what not. But in the end, the day-to-day is lived with my Fiance and him alone. She doesn’t live with us (nor will she ever, holy shiza) and at times I can handle her.
I would imagine your SO feels the same way. He loves YOU and it doesn’t matter who else on Earth he doesn’t love. It just so happens the people he doesn’t love are in your family, but who cares? It’s you and him that are the marriage and it’s you two who will be together everyday.
Post # 9
@Miss Pinup: Yes, he does have to be polite to her and so far he has been. As far as him not liking her, this has been the case for years and my SO never actually thought that my brother and her would get married. He said he’s shocked that my brother actually chose to settle down with her. So this has been ongoing and it only got worse when SO realized that she is going to be around forever.
@EastCoastChick: Thanks so much for your post, it made me feel so much better about things. I tend to be a perfectionist and control freak and this situation is SO BEYOND my control, which made me feel like everything was doomed. In a perfect world everyone in the family would get along and like each other, but that is not the case.
And you’re right about my SO and his feelings towards me. There’s really nothing that would change his love for me but I think my SIL is just someone who REALLY aggravates him, and he was only telling me how he feels about her. And at the end of the day, Im not close with my SIL at all nor do I particularly like her that much, so I guess it’s not that bad. Thanks again.
Post # 10
Hi Shirinjoon! Something else to add to your plate, eh? I just wanted to say that it’s kind of normal. I know in my family there are a lot off people that don’t like each other and have gotten into confrontation. I generally like everyone I meet – you’d have to be a real hardcore jerk to get on my bad side – but I have seen it in my family and it’s not the end of the world. My sister doesn’t like her FIs brother and he knows it – but it doesn’t hurt their relationship. I think the best thing to do is to keep things civil (and it sounds like he is). It’s not like he has to deal with her on a daily basis – and who know she could change and he could begin to like her more. Don’t worry about it!
Post # 11
@Beena: Thank you! I was feeling like this was the nail on the coffin for us but after reading the comments from you and others I feel so much better knowing that it isn’t as big a deal as it seems to be. I think a part of me assumed that since he hated her and isn’t a really big fan of my bro it meant that he also had hesitations about us. But he says he doesn’t. So I should just let it go I guess. Thanks for your support!
Post # 12
You can’t make people like each other, but you can explain to them that you expect them to treat eachother respectfully despite how they feel. I had this conversation with my dad and my Darling Husband. They really can’t stand eachother but I am not going to hear about it from either side. They can put aside their differences long enough to be in the same room for Christmas, etc. They don’t have to like eachother, but they need to be respectful. Hell, I can’t stand his family most of the time, but I attend family functions and I am respectful of them.