Post # 1
Our wedding is going to be very tiny and there are strict rules on how many people can be on the ceremony grounds – 20 ppl max for an elopement.
Well, my brother has had this long term (4 year) girlfriend – lets call her Beth – and I have no idea if she gets an invite. I’ve only seen her twice, both times she never really spoke to me, and they have constantly broken up and got back together. They may or may not be living together (i never freakin hear about her unless my bro is complaining!)
I know the rule is spouses/fiances/ long term SO’s get invites but I’m really stumped about this. Is it rude to just invite her to the reception but not the ceremony? Heck, she might not even RSVP since she wouldn’t know anyone but my bro. Mostly, I’m worried about offending my brother, but I honestly don’t see their relationship going anywhere and why should we have some random woman who doesn’t even know/care about me or Fiance at our wedding.
Post # 3
I think I would invite her since she is important to your brother, even if they have a difficult relationship.
Post # 4
Don’t let anyone bring a date that you are not close with unless they are married. You bro will know lots of family so he dosn’t need his g/f there.
Post # 5
I agree this is a hard one, but if you invite her, you kind of have to let everyone bring a guest. To keep it simple, I would just invite spouses and engaged SOs to the ceremony and talk to your brother about it.
Post # 6
@MrsSaltWaterTaffy: I honestly have no clue if she is important to him: He constantly complains about her, makes fat jokes at her expense, and ignores her to go drink with friends. He’s the one that dumps her and attempts to seduce other women ‘just for fun’
Post # 7
Well, since you don’t really get to decide if his long-term (though rocky) relationship will go anywhere, you kind of can’t base your decision on that. Unfortunately. 😉
If my brother’s gf didn’t get an invite she’d be upset and he’d be mad. I don’t know if your brother would be mad, but…say there relationship DOES go somewhere. Do you really want to look back and realize you didn’t invite your SIL to your wedding? That’s just how I would approach it.
Or, talk to your brother about it. We have no idea how he’d feel about it. Plus, he could tell you better what her reaction would be.
Post # 8
@MadameLady: Just make sure that when you talk to him, be straight about the fact that NO girlfriends or boyfriends will be invited. If you mention that you aren’t close to her anyways or that he doesn’t seem to be that in to her, he’s just going to get offended and feel singled out.
Post # 9
can you ask your brother how things are going between the two of them to gauge whether or not they are “on” or living together? or even ask him if he would mind if you didn’t invite her because you are trying to keep the wedding small, and the venue has limits, etc. I don’t know if you are close enough with your brother (i would never be able to have that conversation with one of my brothers), but if you talk to him first it will help avoid offending him.
Post # 10
@MadameLady: I would invite her.
We invited all people that were together over and year or lived together. We didnt invite one of our friends boyfriends as they had only been dating for 6 months….then they got engaged…it was really akward inviting him later in the game and i felt bad…i had never met him before!!
Anyways, what i am trying to say is no one knows what their relationship is like behind closed doors, you see them breaking up on and off, but after four years there is something there…you should not be the person who decides how serious their relationship is. Im sure it will make yours and his life easier if you just invite her.
Post # 11
I know people are tending to disagree with me here, but I feel you on wanting to keep it small because FH and I also want an intimate ceremony where only people who are really special to us are there. This is a very different mentality than a lot of people have, but it is one that I think should be respected if that’s the ambiance that you want. I really think that if you don’t want her there, the fact that your wedding is so intimate and small completely justifies it.
I actually had this happen with my FH’s cousin’s wedding before we were engaged, and I really didn’t feel put out at all because of the fact that only between 15-20 people were there. If it had been a huge wedding, I would have been offended, but not under those circumstances.
Go with your gut.
Post # 12
If they have been together for 4 years (regardless of on/off) and it is your brother, then yes I would invite her
Post # 13
By inviting her, are you kicking someone else out? Is there someone you wanted to take that place instead of her? If not, I would just ask your brother how he feels. We did the same thing with my brother-in-law – asked if he wanted to bring his girlfriend. If it’s a matter of the 20 spot limit, I would just not allow anyone to bring boyfriends/girlfriends.