(Closed) So do I invite her or not?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think I would invite her since she is important to your brother, even if they have a difficult relationship.

Post # 4
Member
4771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MadameLady:

Don’t let anyone bring a date that you are not close with unless they are married.  You bro will know lots of family so he dosn’t need his g/f there.

Post # 5
Member
3255 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree this is a hard one, but if you invite her, you kind of have to let everyone bring a guest. To keep it simple, I would just invite spouses and engaged SOs to the ceremony and talk to your brother about it. 

Post # 7
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Well, since you don’t really get to decide if his long-term (though rocky) relationship will go anywhere, you kind of can’t base your decision on that. Unfortunately. 😉

If my brother’s gf didn’t get an invite she’d be upset and he’d be mad. I don’t know if your brother would be mad, but…say there relationship DOES go somewhere. Do you really want to look back and realize you didn’t invite your SIL to your wedding? That’s just how I would approach it.

Or, talk to your brother about it. We have no idea how he’d feel about it. Plus, he could tell you better what her reaction would be.

Post # 8
Member
3255 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@MadameLady: Just make sure that when you talk to him, be straight about the fact that NO girlfriends or boyfriends will be invited. If you mention that you aren’t close to her anyways or that he doesn’t seem to be that in to her, he’s just going to get offended and feel singled out.

Post # 9
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

can you ask your brother how things are going between the two of them to gauge whether or not they are “on” or living together?  or even ask him if he would mind if you didn’t invite her because you are trying to keep the wedding small, and the venue has limits, etc.  I don’t know if you are close enough with your brother (i would never be able to have that conversation with one of my brothers), but if you talk to him first it will help avoid offending him. 

Post # 10
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@MadameLady: I would invite her.

 

We invited all people that were together over and year or lived together. We didnt invite one of our friends boyfriends as they had only been dating for 6 months….then they got engaged…it was really akward inviting him later in the game and i felt bad…i had never met him before!!

Anyways, what i am trying to say is no one knows what their relationship is like behind closed doors, you see them breaking up on and off, but after four years there is something there…you should not be the person who decides how serious their relationship is. Im sure it will make yours and his life easier if you just invite her.

Smile

Post # 11
Member
3255 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I know people are tending to disagree with me here, but I feel you on wanting to keep it small because FH and I also want an intimate ceremony where only people who are really special to us are there. This is a very different mentality than a lot of people have, but it is one that I think should be respected if that’s the ambiance that you want. I really think that if you don’t want her there, the fact that your wedding is so intimate and small completely justifies it. 

I actually had this happen with my FH’s cousin’s wedding before we were engaged, and I really didn’t feel put out at all because of the fact that only between 15-20 people were there. If it had been a huge wedding, I would have been offended, but not under those circumstances.

Go with your gut.

Post # 12
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

If they have been together for 4 years (regardless of on/off) and it is your brother, then yes I would invite her

Post # 13
Member
1371 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

By inviting her, are you kicking someone else out?  Is there someone you wanted to take that place instead of her?  If not, I would just ask your brother how he feels.  We did the same thing with my brother-in-law – asked if he wanted to bring his girlfriend.  If it’s a matter of the 20 spot limit, I would just not allow anyone to bring boyfriends/girlfriends.

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