Post # 1
We just got engaged so we are nowhere near the point where we have to pick out our first dance song. However, since I was 13, (I’m 31) I’ve dreamt of a particular song as the first dance song my wedding day. I’m not going to say which song since that’s not important. But I love the artist’s music and have been a fan since I was a preteen, and every time I’ve heard the song or played it I always pictured my future wedding and dancing with my love. Since Ive known him everytime I hear it I picture us specifically dancing to that song. Just for reference it’s not a boy band or Britney Spears or anything SO would think is embarrassing for him to dance to.
Since it was such an important thing I brought it up to SO and just asked him to listen to it with an open mind. He just did and he doesn’t like it. I couldn’t help but feel extremely sad and disappointed, although I didn’t say so. SO asked if its non-negotiable because if so he will go along with it but I don’t want him not to like the song we are dancing to the first time as husband and wife or agree just out of guilt. But I just can’t help feeling crushed.
I’m thinking maybe we can play the song at some point as a slow song during the reception so I can incorporate it. Did anyone deal with this and how did you handle it?
Post # 3
I’ve never really had a song I’ve always dreamed of and I can tell you it’s something we cannot agree on. Both of us don’t like any song enough or think it’s “us” enough, so I understand the frustration.
Don’t lose hope – try to spend some time listening to other songs you can use for a first dance. You might find one that you BOTH really like. If you don’t, then maybe he will come around to using that song – just keep playing it over and over and maybe he’ll get brainwashed and like it. 😉 lol
You can also use that song as your cake-cutting song. I think that’s a really significant time in the night, right up there with the first dance.
Post # 4
Similar situation in our house. I fell in love w Endless Love and it matched how I feel about DH perfectly. I was so excited to play it for him and his reply was “That song reminds me of the movie Happy Gilmore because they sing it at the end”. I told him if he could find a better song we both liked then go for it. He tried for a few months, came w some ideas, but ended up agreeing w me that it was a great song. Tell ur Fiance to try to find a better song and maybe he will end up agreeing w u too?
Post # 5
@MsYankee: I don’t think you should abandon your teenage dream completely because that is a precious thing, but perhaps, now that you are a lady, it is time to grow toward your future husband together and pick something you both like, especially representative of your first dance with each other as a married couple.
I like your idea of incorporating the song in some other way, maybe for your cake cutting and then dancing into the song before it ends?
Post # 6
Maybe you could use the song you really like for your last dance? I also like the idea of it being a cake cutting song.
When I was growing up I dreamt about dancing to a country song. But that’s not happening. So I’m incorporating country songs into other parts of the reception.
Post # 7
That’s the tough thing about wedding stuff we start dreaming about as kids or teends – it’s all based around a wedding about you, rather than a wedding about you and your Fiance, your bond and relationship together and what BOTH of you like. I had a couple of tideas like that when it came to our wedding that I basically just had to let go because they didn’t fit anymore now that I had this awesome groom in the icture with his own likes, dislikes, and interests.
I’d say either find a different song and work yours in somewhere, even if it’s jsut playing it later on during the night and having your Fiance promise to dance with you during it, or maybe there’s another part of the day where the song selection matters more to him and you two can compromise – my DH really, really wanted a cover band he likes that does a lot of Beatles music for the reception. I was okay with it, not my favorite but I knew it was important to him. I cared more about the ceremony music and first dance and am a Taylor Swift nut – he feels about her much as I do about the Beatles, doesn’t mind and likes her okay, but not his first choice. Luckily since we cared about different areas more, we were able to compromise and had Taylor music for the ceremony and first dance, and then he got is cover band for the reception. Is there an area he really cares about like that where you two could have some give and take going on so it’s still fair and representative of both of you?
Post # 8
I hope you can find a song you both love.
Post # 9
@MsYankee: Choose a song together and use that one elsewhere in the reception. Your first dance should be about both of you and should be a song that you’re both happy with. I know it can be hard to let go of something, but sometimes it’s for the best. And perhaps there is a reason he dislikes it? Maybe ask him if the song has any negative connotations.
I wanted Sarah McLachlan’s Ice Cream for our cake cutting song and Mr. C said no. We ended up having a fight about it. When we calmed down, he explained that it had been on the muzak line up at a job he’d had and he’d heard it so many times he couldn’t stand it. Once we calmed down and he explained why, I got his logic and we chose another without any further drama. Ever since then when he and I don’t agree on something for the wedding, I ask him to explain why he feels that way and am able to discuss things much more rationally.
Post # 10
Same sitution for me. Since i was a teenager i knew i had to have Amazed by lonestar to dance to for my first dance. Well, my fiance doesnt want that for the first dance, he wants the song he proposed to me with, Areosmith idont want to miss a thing. We are compromising, we will use both songs, but the areosmith for the first dance since it has meaning for us.
Good luck finding the song! Def play your dream song tho at some point and dance with your hubby!
Post # 11
totally know how you feel…i was dying for “In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel. Fiance just couldn’t get comfortable “dancing slow” to that (we practiced in our living room). So, we picked another first dance song and are incorporating the Peter Gabriel song into our wedding video. Works for me!
Hope you find a song you both like and can also find a way to work all these songs into your special day!
Post # 12
Thanks everyone! I’m completely 100% not going to use it for our first dance if SO doesn’t want it, but was just upset as it was something I had pictured for so long. My rational brain said I’m definitely going to pick a song that WE both love, but my 13 year old heart said “But it’s always been this song!!” so it just was hard getting through the emotion of it, I never was going to make him dance to a song that only I wanted since you are all right, it definitely is about US (especially that particular moment!) :o)
I like the idea of using it elsewhere in the ceremony, or maybe even in the wedding video as babycakes24 suggested.
SO doesn’t really like the artist, he said it was just that he didn’t care for it, not anything particularly negative about it, or not that he “hates” the song, but he just wouldn’t pick it and doesn’t really want it. And I completely respect that. We’ll find something else.
Unfortuntately “our song” is Honey Bee by Blake Shelton which isn’t a slow dance (and we both would like a slow dance). I’m trying to find a slow acoustic version of it or something but otherwise we will just have to pick something else together!
Post # 13
I didn’t read all the replies on this one, so I’m sorry if I repeat anyone else’s comments.
So here’s my male perspective. If you’ve wanted to dance to that song at your wedding since you were 13, to me that means you’ve envisioned dancing, to that song, with every boyfriend you’ve ever had, and with maybe with a couple of celebs you had crushes on when you were younger. That might make me feel like an interchangeable part in your perfect wedding.
Now, if it really was that important to you, and I liked the song, I would be able to recognize that you’re choosing to marry me, not any of them, and I would want to make you happy and give you your dream. But if I didn’t like the song, I might be thinking to myself, during the dance, that I’m a prop for your perfect moment, or that this is her dance, not our dance.
You should set a day to listen to songs – and each of you come with 5 possibilities or something, and you listen to each other’s songs, without knowing titles or artists. That way you’re choosing something together – and maybe he’ll end up liking yours.
But you should tell him how important it is to you – if he finds out 5 or 10 years from now that you didn’t get that song because he didn’t like it, he’ll feel terrible. Put all the cards on the table – say you’ve always wanted it, but that you also want a song you’re both happy with, and that you want to find another song together. Have a couple of other suggestions ready.
Post # 14
@Duncan: Thank you. He does know my backstory as far as me always thinking about using this song, but I was able to discuss it with him in a calm manner and not in a way that would basically make him feel like he couldn’t object to it, or he would be breaking my heart if he didn’t pick it. I like your suggestion of picking 5 each to go through first and see if we can come up with one that way, thanks!
Post # 15
We had our first dance, which then went into a second slow song where all guests were invited to join the dance floor. I would use it as your second slow song.