Post # 1
For the past couple of weeks, SO has been going to his friends house for a guys night of gaming (recently it was playing Black Opps). They had stopped for a couple weeks due to the host having some family issues with his wife (her father is not doing well so they had to fly to Poland where she is from and where her parents live). Now that they are ready to start again, they have decided to try a new RPG (roll playing game, dungeons and dragons for example) and wanted me to join. Normally I would join but I have been loving having one night a week to do whatever I want by myself, so I respectfully declined. SO was sad about this and asked why. I mentioned that I really liked having a night to watch shows/movies he doesn’t like, take a really long shower, and lay around by myself. He said “but you can do all of those things while I’m here, you know that right?” My response: it’s not the same.
(Background – he gets 3 nights a month to himself when I’m at therapy twice a month and visiting with my dad once a month (that’s just our scheduled gaurunteed time)).
I feel bad because he seems to really want me to join the game. But at the same time he doesn’t understand that I cannot do those things while he is there because he does not allow me to truly be “alone”. For example, when I’m watching a show on the computer in the bedroom and I laugh at something I hear “what’s so funny?” It actually annoys me because he KNOWS I’m in there watching a show he has no interest in. It’s “where are you going, what’s so funny, what are you doing” all the time. My playful response to “where are you going” (which usually occurs when we’re sitting on the couch together and I get up and walk away) is generally “well it’s a small apartment, I’m probably going to the bedroom, the bathroom, or the kitchen” (he’s a smartass so he usually just smiles when I say this).
I don’t know how to tell him this: that I cannot have me time with him in the house because of the above paragraph. I honestly don’t notice these annoyances so much anymore, but it’s super helpful to have a night without them for the sake of my sanity and our relationship, lol.
I’m also not sure how to tell him that I absolutely don’t want him to host the RPG at our place. First of all that ropes me in to playing because I’m friends with all his friends and I don’t do well with the constant “oh come on play with us”, I cave because I feel it’s the only way to make it end most of the time. I DO enjoy playing games with them, but seriously I just want ONE NIGHT to myself and that’s trumping my possible participation at the point. (He wants to host at our place because then he can play longer. At his friends, he has to leave earlier to make the long drive home so he can still get enough sleep for work. I can understand this but now that I’ve tasted a regular night to myself, I want to keep it!).
SO! Ladies! What would you do in this situation?
Post # 3
I completely understand needing a night to yourself. Sometimes Mr. F works late, and I often feel like a bad girlfriend for being excited about it, but sometimes it is just sooooo nice to grab some junk food, turn on TLC, and snuggle with the puppy on the couch. I really value my personal time to myself. Luckily Mr. F understands because he feels the same way. It’s nice to have your own time to remind you why you love spending time with your SO.
Maybe try explaining to him that it almost like having a girls night..just alone? lol
Post # 4
I send Fiance to hockey games and guys night out almsot every friday night. It gives him the time with his guys, and lets me watch the house marathons and sex and the city that he loathes so much.
Post # 5
I’ve always been a pretty private person, but fortunatley so has my guy, so we don’t have this issue as much as I have had with in past relationships. Throughout the week, we each have our nights where we hang out together, and twice a week he does a Raid on WOW with a bunch of his friends. On those nights, I get to do whatever I want and I LOVE it. lol. So I totally understand your thoughts on this. I would just sit your guy down and explain it to him. Sometimes it just feels good to do your own thing without having to worry about if the other person. I think everyone is like this to some extent. That is why you can still maintain your individuality while continuing as a strong couple. I’d just sit down with him and talk it out. Hopefully he will be more understanding once you explain how you feel. Good luck!!!
Post # 6
Mr. F and I are recluses. We have each other, and suprisingly neither one of us really has any steady friends, it’s kind of just us two. lol We’ve tried making friends in the past but no one really seems to be similar enough to us to be worth keep up a friendship .
I find that most women my age (23) are still very focused on going out drinking and partying, and that has never been me. I’d much rather be home with a good rented movie and dessert 🙂
Post # 7
I love RPGs so I probably not much help but..
could you blame it on aunt flow? guys usually don’t seem to fuss with a reason like that, unless they are a nursing student and know how to combat those “issues”.. but thats another story.
Just tell him you are feeling moody cause of your period and maybe he’ll get the idea.
Post # 8
@runnerbeez: OMG that’s almost exactly what I do – trying to cut the junk food – but SAME thing. our schedule has a guaranteed time alone when my FH is at drill (military reservist). I feel terrible looking forward to those weekends, but I do and I know they help keep me sane because I can re-enjoy him being home.
I think you should just talk to him, he should understand. We all need quiet time alone. Ask him to try allowing you X # of days a month where you can be alone, relax and not have to worry about entertaining anyone. I think guys often don’t understand how even if we’re relaxing at home together, we still often want to entertain our guy – “can I get you anything?” “are you ok?”
He might understand more than you give him credit for.