(Closed) So down about my DOC…we're just not clicking

posted 5 years ago in Logistics
Post # 3
Member
9550 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Awwww! I’m sorry honey! I don’t have any great solutions other than to just try not to let it get to you. Figure things out on your won.  Then give her detailed lists of exacty what she expected to do throughout the night.

Post # 4
Member
3778 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Overjoyed:  Aww so sorry 🙁 Agree with PP, make her a list (even though you shouldn’t need to) of exactly what you need/want her to do and send it to her in advance. Ask her if there is anything she doesn’t understand, and explain why you need her to do each of those things if she wants you to. I hope it goes better for you!

Post # 6
Member
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I am not familiar with DOC’s and how it all works, but can you just fire her??  This is supposed to be a happy time for you, and she is pouring cold water all over it.  It seems like you could maybe do it without a DOC at all??  Get rid of her (if you can.) 

Post # 7
Member
577 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Overjoyed:  Have you actively looked into finding someone else? I’m not having a Destination Wedding so I know that complicates things, but when I debated getting a DOC and looked into the issue only 3-4 months out from my wedding date, I found at least three in my area who were available.

Alternatively, do you have a sort of alpha female type relative or friend who would enjoy organizing the details on the day of and being in charge?

Post # 8
Member
12248 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m with PP… Can you just fire her?

Post # 11
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m sorry you are not clicking.  I think it might be common for the DOC to not stay for the entire reception.  Mine left after dinner was served and everything was in motion.    There was really no need for her to be there at that point, as the flow of the party, dances, toast timing, etc. was handled by the maitre d.  

Post # 12
Member
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@Overjoyed:  I think you should fire her and then do what you suggested and use the money you are paying her to fly down and handle things yourself.  It might be better that way anyway since you will be able to see first hand what is what.  Now that she has secured venues, sites, quotes, etc, you can probably handle the rest on your own.

However, if you really feel this is not an option, maybe you should have a conversation with her letting her know that you dont appreciate the sour attitude she is giving you.  You are paying her, she is not doing this for free, so you would appreciate it if she would act professionally and stop acting like she is doing you a bunch of favors. 

Post # 14
Member
582 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Where is the DW?  Maybe someone else on here, WeddinWire/the Knot, or from the venue itself could assist you with finding another DOC?  We’re not using one, but my understanding is that they are supposed to make things easier for you!  good luck!

Post # 15
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

If the Destination Wedding is in a different country or region, there may be different standards of service and different business protocol than you’re used to. I’d recommend getting a better understanding of how business is done where your event will be held, or ask your DOC to help you two work through what may be a communication breakdown or a mismatch in expectations. It sounds like she’s been effective at some difficult tasks so maybe there’s just a big difference in what a DOC does where you live and what they do elsewhere (especially in the Caribbean and Latin America, where business transactions in general are much different than they are in the US).

 

Post # 16
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Can you tell your DOC your frustration with her before firing her? Maybe she thinks that you want to be more in charge of things than you really do.

I almost fired my DOC coordinator for similar reasons but I finally sat down with her and explained to her exactly what I wanted from her. It was such an awkward conversation to have but in the end, it’s worked out much better. We both had different ideas of what we wanted from each other and everything (fingers crossed) has been going much better now that we’ve talked.

But if your deposit isn’t too much to forfeit, definitely look around for someone else. In my case, I had already given her 50% so I had to make the situation work or do it myself.

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