- 5 years ago
I haven’t done much dating since my divorce and I didn’t do much prior to my marriage to be honest.
Met a guy and we had ridiculous chemistry. We met eachother’s families and were completely inseperable. Meeting his family was a huge relief to me because they were great people and my marriage ended because of my nightmare inlaws.
One thing about him I don’t like is that he is tempermental but at least always snaps out of it. It was never directed towards me, it’s always road rage or something like that. I know no one is perfect and try to see the good in people. In our last month together, I noticed he was kind of distant and while it hurt very much, I just attributed it to certain outside factors that had nothing to do with me (that would take another post to explain).
One night while spending time together at his place, he was in a bad mood (due to these outside factors) and said it was best if he just took me home because he knows himself and needed to be alone. He also wasn’t feeling well, coming down with a cold or flu. Fair enough. He took me home. On the way home, he was telling me a story about how upset he gets with certain relatives who talk badly about him (this was in relation to those outside factors). I was trying to be supportive and told him he shouldn’t be bothered by them because he never sees him and they really don’t matter or effect his life in any way. He freaked. Yelled at me at the top of his lungs. Started doing 80 mph. Said I was a bigger @sshole than these particular relatives of his.
I just kept quiet the rest of the ride and told him goodnight when he dropped me off. I didn’t want to make him more upset and I also didn’t want to die in a car accident. I was also in pure shock at his reaction. The next day I texted him asking him how he was feeling, since he was sick that night. He ignored me completely and then texted me back 6 hours later that it was best we part ways. I was so shocked and hurt and figured then that there was more to his distance over the the past month. Like a sane person, I figure if someone breaks up with you, they don’t want to be with you. End of story. I said ok and wished him luck in relationships and life, etc.
He texted me later on telling me what a huge disappointment I am because no one in his life ever walked away from him as easily as I did and that I must not really feel about him the way I said I did. That he didn’t really want to break up but he can’t be with someone who doesn’t fight for him and isn’t willing to grind it out when things get difficult. ???? I don’t really consider breaking up with someone to see their reaction a difficult time to get through. I just see it as unnecissarily created drama. To me a difficult time would be illness or money trouble, etc.
It’s been almost 3 weeks since this happened and he continues to text me similar nonsense, insulting me which causes huge text wars between the 2 of us where we’d curse and say horrible things to eachother. In one instance, he told me to F off and so I called him a POS. FYI I’m in my late 20s and he’s in his late 30s. I just don’t understand breaking up with someone to see if they fight for you. That’s something a teenage girl does, not a man who’s almost 40, right? We’ve been together a few months. How should I fight for him? Should I walk through fire and profess my undying love? I don’t get it. It’s still early, I think we should just be enjoying eachother’s company and getting to know eachother. Not having dramatic fights. My ex-husband threw me out of the house to “teach me a lesson” thinking I’d “behave” and then was shocked when I filed for divorce. So I just don’t have much tolerance for someone treating me this way. Am I wrong?
I apologized for calling SO a POS and explained I was really upset but I never should have said it. I also apologized if I didn’t give him the reacation he was looking for our last night together, but I promised him that my intentions were good. I told SO if he wants to talk things out in person like adults (which I’ve been offering to do all along) and if he wants to be with me, to let me know, otherwise to please stop texting me. He dumped me, which hurts badly enough and now he keeps coming back contacting me and twisting the knife. I told him this isn’t fair and he should just leave me alone to get over and forget him if he doesn’t want to be with me. He also has never apologized for anything or owned up to anything. He said “Ok, I’ll leave you alone in your negativity and BS. You’ve obviously given up on us.” This was our last convo a couple of nights ago. A week ago he told me I’d never ever hear from him again and then contacted me the following saturday.
Did I do something wrong? Why is he doing this? I don’t want to ask friends and family for advice in the event we end up back together because then they’ll hate him. I don’t want to sacrifice my self-respect and beg for him back like I think he wants because I don’t feel like I did anything wrong. I guess I know what my insticts are telling me, it’s just hard to trust yourself with a failed marriage under your belt and not much experience :/ Things were so great and he made feel like getting divorced was the best thing I ever did and I just can’t let go of that feeling. At a loss…