Post # 1
My Boyfriend or Best Friend has seen me on WB a few times, but I never really thought he looked or paid attention. He sometimes uses my laptop and I know that sometimes it shows up on my homepage, but really didn’t think he paid attention. Now, I think not only has he paid attention but he must have come on to WB and at least read some of the posts. OMG…
Tonight SO and my son were playing video games and so I came on because they were distracted. SO walked by and said, “oh, are you on that website with girls whining about not getting what they want from their boyfriend, or it not being big enough.” OMG. I. Wanted. To. Die.
I should add that we’ve had conversations before and he has MAJOR issues with woman who are not happy with their engagement rings, and thinks that a woman should just be happy someone wants to marry them. I think that, in this case, he was referring more to the ring stuff rather than the “waiting to be engaged” stuff.
Trying not to look crazy or like I was in as much shock as I was (and still am!!!), I managed a small smile and said “what do you mean,” and then he just changed the topic. I feel so weired out by the whole thing. Mostly, I don’t want him to feel pressured and, most importantly, I don’t want him to feel like I want some big fancy ring. I don’t.
I think later tonight when we’re alone I’m just going to tell him that I want to marry him (which I’ve said before) and that I come on the site for fun and to do my “online gossip,” as he calls it. I am also going to be sure to get in that I don’t expect any expensive rock from him and slide in that IF he did ever happen to want to propose, there’s no way I’d want him to spend over “x” amount.
Still, I can’t help but feel a tad embarassed.
Post # 3
Lol… my SO knows about it. When I need to vent, I come here… he says he can tell when I get on here – that hes going to block it from me! haha… I guess he doesn’t get that this place helps w/ comiseration when I sometimes need it.
Post # 4
I think most guys probably don’t get it, mandalee. I feel like I should say something about it so I don’t feel so weird, but then I feel like that would make it MORE weird. Ugh… What do you think?
Post # 5
I believe there is nothing more important in relationships than honesty and openess. I can’t stand secrets or those things left unsaid… whether they should be or not, I just can’t do it… not w/ him at least. I think you should go ahead and discuss what it is that brought you to this website in the first place – the website cannot be the real issue. If you’re here, then you’re probably ready for that next step of commitment – the size of an engagement ring is regardless, if thats not something actually important to you. If it happens to be, its okay to talk about price ranges, styles… I think at least. From my perspective, it’ll be on my finger for the rest of my life and it has to look good! Not everyone feels the same way – so you shouldn’t be afraid to talk to him about how you feel in regards to the ring. We’ve done ring and diamond shopping together… I picked out my dream ring and it is more on the expensive side so I have to wait for it. But the thing is, we both knew that and were okay with it. We know how we each stand and have talked time and time again about everything…
In my opinion, the days of guys just popping the question are over. I think if you’re ready to make that commitment, then you have to have THE conversation – especially to see where you both stand. Have you? If not, somebody has to bring it up… 😉
Post # 6
Aww. My SO knows about these boards, but doesn’t read them. Actually I posted our engagement pictures without telling me (maybe I should’ve, haha), but he was excited when we got our first comment. So I don’t think he minds.
Post # 7
lol M knows all about it.. he teases and asks me when i’m going to get off the blog with my girls and do xyz…
@curly: i usually bring up threads like that to M to ask him what he thinks etc, and we have great conversations about it. he understands that i should love it because i’ll be wearing it from now until it passes on to our kids’ kids. and he really likes that. i think he never understood why i wanted input into it until then though.
Post # 8
Hahahah…. J totally knows I’m on here, although he may not realize that when we’re not together, I’m on here for HOURS every day 😉
Yesterday I showed him the latest waiting list and was like, “See? I’m not the only one!” He just rolled his eyes and was like, “At least I know you’re not trying to manipulate me into getting married.” hehe
Post # 9
Mr. KM knows I’m on here, but he doesn’t know how much or… why. He knows I want to blog for it, and that I love it dearly but past that he doesn’t really care.
Post # 10
My husband laughs at me for still being on here! I think just giving him an idea of why you are on here so it doesn’t freak him out would be a good idea.
And I agree with mandalee that now people have conversations when they want to get married, it doesn’t just happen with no foresight at all.
Post # 11
Manfriend knows I’m on here, and that I’m on here a lot. LOL. He knows about the waiting list and I read him posts and we talk about them. It’s pretty funny. Yesterday he blurted out of no where that I will be crossed off by next weekend. I just thought it was funny he said ‘crossed off.’
Post # 12
Weddingbee is nothing to be ashamed off! (Let’s ignore that I used to close out the window and erase search terms…).
I do get “sniffy” when guys say things like “they should just be happy someone wants to marry them”. On one hand yeah I agree that engagement rings are much more important to some women than I can understand or relate to. On the other hand…
1. Noo! I am not happy that someone wants to marry me. I am awesome and I’m sure lots of people would/do want to marry me. I am happy that the guy I love and want to marry wants to marry me.
2. Does he think he should just be happy that someone is willing to marry him and thus gets no say in anything else ever?
3. Would he get upset if you said yes to the proposal and agreed to marry him but refused to wear the ring? By his logic he should be so thrilled you said yes he shouldn’t care if you think the ring is ugly and never want to put it on.
Post # 13
@Curlydreamer: I dont think you should even bring it up anymore. Afterall, hes a guy, he has alot of other things to worry about, so Im sure he has already forgotten about it.
Post # 14
@Mandelee: We have talked about marriage before. We talked about it before we moved in together. I’ve broached the ring topic before (mostly trying to explain I don’t expect him to break the bank to get one) but it hasn’t really gone well. He’s one of those guys who will just want to go and get it and not really talk about it. BUT… his BFF is a girl, so I’ve toyed with the idea of showing her what I like because I know he’d for sure ask for her opinion just to be 100% sure. lol… That said, I don’t see a proposal coming anytime soon. 🙁
@Arachna: I totally agree with number one! lol… I don’t think my SO looks at it like “oh, she should be greatful I want to marry her,” but rather that when someone gives you a gift that it’s kind of materialistic and selfish to complain about it ESPECIALLY in the case of it not being big enough. And, I honestly agree with him.
But, then he’s just not a very materialistic person. He likes nice things, naturally, but things to him are just that — things. We’ve both been through A LOT and received and lost a lot in our lives, so I think we just look at material things differently. I’ve had the big rock and the unhappy marriage, so the ring really isn’t a huge issue for me, personally.
I don’t think my SO will really “get it” about the whole WB thing even if I talk to him, so for now I’m just letting sleeping dogs lie. We’re not in a position to get engaged now anyway, so really it doesn’t matter. It does make me want to forbid him from using my laptop though! LOL
Post # 15
Curly – he sounds defensive.. but as long as you’re not pesting him about a proposal, I don’t see the harm in being on the boards. In fact, if being here is preventing you from being anxious with him, then he should be happy about it! Let him know that you are interested in marriage but that it’s important both of you feel that way and you don’t want him to feel pressured, so you go chat it out with likeminded bees. He shoudl get it and appreciate it then. If not, then you might have to smack some sense into him as a last resort 😉
Post # 16
My husband gives me a hard time for still being on here. At least I have an excuss now that I’m one of the Hostesses. 🙂 Just explain that it’s not neccissarliy for the wedding planning and more the “girl” time. He still won’t get it, but whenever I explain it as a “girl thing” he leaves me alone.