Post # 1
please forgive any typos, I can’t really see what I’m typing right now.
Fiance just told me he doesn’t want to get married right now becuase he doesn’t know if it’s what he wants to do or not. he says it was better to say something now than wait until after we got married and then say something. I understand that but I’m so embarrassed. we’ve already told everyone and I already bought a dress. we’ve been talking about how we can’t wait to be able to be stationed together and have a house. I don’t know what to do.
he’s not a jerk either. he really is freaked out by marriage. I just don’t even know what to do or say 🙁
idk where to put this so im sorry if it’s in the wrong place 🙁
Post # 3
Im so sorry hunny. Be strong!!! xoxoxox
Post # 4
@AubByAub: This is the right place to post that. I would give him a little time to think about it. I wouldn’t make a big announcement right away. It sounds a little like cold feet. He said that he doesn’t want to get married right now which is much better than he doesn’t want to get married (at all, to you, ever ect.). I’m not trying to say it isn’t a big deal, just that I think that he hasn’t fully made up his mind and he is just a little freaked out right now. I would try to talk it out and find out what his exact reasons are.
ETA: Your wedding date is also still pretty far away, which means you still have some time to talk and figure things out. I’m sending lots of hugs and I hope everything works out.
Post # 5
Well he didn’t say he doesn’t want to marry you at all, so that is a good thing. I would relax take a deep breath and keep things on the down low until you figure out what is really going on. This is not your fault, and you are beautiful.
Post # 6
@AubByAub: I’m sorry you’re going through this. Don’t worry about being embarrassed. You have NOTHING to be embarrassed about. Right now he may have some doubts about marriage as a whole but that isn’t the same as having doubts about being with you. Give him some time, and I’m sure he will come around. As for telling people, don’t stress about telling anyone anything now. As mentioned above, your wedding is still a bit away. If people bring it up, just don’t get into too many details about it. Let things work themselves out first. Good luck hun!
Post # 7
Time is the best healer! I’m sure there is a lot of uncertaintty and pressure in a military type lifestyle. It may just be too overwhelming right now!
Make sure you keep up the communication and get down to the bottom of everything!
Wishing you the best ((( ( hugs)))) !
Post # 8
Has something happened recently that would shake his faith in marriage? Parents, friends, or family members divorcing? People around him with unhealthy relationships? Does he have a pastor/mentor/counselor/trusted friend he can talk to about his fears? It doesn’t seem like he’s wanting to break-up; just to put the wedding plans on hold for the moment. I hope he is able to get some help, and preferrably from someone in a healthy/loving relationship, to sort out his concerns. ((hugs))
Post # 9
I’m sorry! Don’t be embarassed, it’s actually a good thing that he told you how he was feeling. I agree with PP that you don’t need to announce anything to anyone yet, just wait and come up with a plan together.
Post # 10
thanks everyone, ive read all your replies. i cant think to reply to you all though so ill have to do that later. thank you though for your kind words, i appreciate them.
Post # 11
You have no reason to be embarrassed. I’m sorry you’re going through this, though. He should’ve made certain he was ready for marriage before he even asked you.
Post # 12
My best friend went through something like this with her SO. He freaked out and wanted to end their relationship because he was so scared of the future. I found out later that she was harrassing him about how they were going to raise the children, rings, wedding plans, etc etc etc. I understand why we would be so scared of all of this.. its such a huge change and we have no experience in it! Its all new! What helped them was time.. and time from not having to think about the future as much.
Im sure that time will help this, he is probably just having a bit of a panic attack about realizing he is going to be married! Try not to talk about it too much and just try as best you can to enjoy each others company, and do fun things together… Show him that you two work well together and that he really has nothing to worry about – everything will be okay.
I’m sorry you are going through this – What a shock!!! I’m glad that he said he did not want to be with you though, and that he is instead just scared about marriage. Maybe he needs time to analize why he is so afraid of it.
Post # 13
@strawbabies: I agree with that for sure.. Its unfair to you to promise marriage, give a symbol of that promise, and then take his word back. Im pretty sure he is just stressed about it and doesnt know what to do with his thoughts.
Good luck with everything, keep us posted and keep your head up!
Post # 15
AubByAub, please take a deep breath. That is very devastating news to digest. However, you will make it through this, and I’m sure you will be ok when all is said and done. Like the other bees mentioned, just give him a minute to think about things. Also give yourself time to get a few more thoughts and answers from him before you tell everyone the engagement’s off. It may just be cold feet, and he needed someone to talk to about it. I applaud him for being brave and talking to YOU about it, instead of holding in his doubts or talking to others about this when you are unaware. Your engagment date is a still close to a year away, so as the months go by, his fears may ease.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. I hope everything works out for the best for you. If it’s meant to be, it will, and if it’s not meant to be…I really believe there’s someone else who is your soulmate still out there. 🙂 xo
Post # 16
I agree with giving him a little bit to think about it and don’t overreact on the situation too much. Some guys just hit a realization I think and need some time to think things over. Try and relax and maybe you two can talk it out when you are both calm. Good luck and keep us updated!