(Closed) SO ended things this weekend. Devistated. (Long, sorry)

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

I know you probably feel like you bringing up marriage might have contributed to the relationship ending, but honestly I think you did yourself a huge favor. I know it hurts now, but think about how badly it would have hurt a year and a half from now.

It’s hard, but he is telling you everything you need to know about his readiness for marriage. Most guys aren’t ready until their late 20s, even the mature ones. If he doesn’t want you waiting for him, you should believe him and move on, because there is a guy out there who will consider himself very fortunate to get to marry you, and now you can meet him. I think your ex was very mature, however, in not stringing you along.  There’s nothing saying you can’t get back together in 4 or 5 years when he is the age most men are when they’re ready to marry, but there’s no way to figure out whether that’s the right thing to do without spending some serious time apart and dating other people.

Good luck.

Post # 4
Hostess
3369 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

First off, sending massive hugs your way.  I can’t even imagine how you are feeling right now hon. THe best thing that you can do is learn that this happened for a reason, and move on. I know that’s the LAST thing that you want to hear right now, but it’s what you need to do. 

This all happened for a reason, and obviously, like he said, he was not ready for a commitment. You would have been miserable waiting and wanting for him to get ready to take that next step in life and he just wasn’t going to do it. I commend him for being honest with you though.

Take some time off from relationships, take time to heal, curl up on the couch with your bff and some Ben and Jerry’s and watch some chick flicks. It does all get better honey. This is just another part of the plan and when the right person comes along who does realize how lucky he’ll be to spend the rest of his life with you, you will understand why all of this is happening.  

Post # 5
Member
9641 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

((HUGS))  I’m so sorry to hear this.  Breaking up a relationship is one of the hardest things we ever have to face in life.

Be nice to yourself for awhile and give yourself time to grieve the ending.  It’s never easy but you’ll make it through.  Take things one step at a time.  During the worst emotional pain just remember to breathe.  And cry.  And breathe.

It will get easier but it’ll take some time.

My heart goes out to you.  Cry

Post # 6
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@FearLess:  Big hugs, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. But PPs are right, and you yourself said it in your post – it’s great of him to be so honest with you. This is a rubbish period and it’ll be really tough for you, so be kind to yourself. Don’t worry about dating other people for now! Just look after yourself – lots of bubble baths and movies and nights in and out with friends. My grandmother (who was just an absolute hero!) used to say “what’s for you won’t pass you”. If this guy is really the right person for you, you’ll find your way back together in time. For now, move on  – date, don’t date, be happy with you, go dancing! – and try to be happy that he cared and respected you enough to let you go because he couldn’t give you what you wanted and wouldn’t make a false promise. It may make it harder now, but in the long run I think you’ll be happy for it.

Thinking of you x

Post # 7
Member
1695 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this!  My thoughts will be with you!

Post # 8
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Step 1:    End all communication and cut him out of your life. You won’t be able to move on if you stay in contact, also remove him from facebook.

Step 2:   Surround yourself with friends and family that love you, keep busy. This will prevent you from trying to contact him and will help get your mind off everything. 

It’s hard, I know, and you don’t see it yet, but this was the best thing for you. you will now be free to find someone that is able to give you everything you ever wanted. It will take time.

Post # 9
Member
2903 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

The hardest break up in my life was when my Ex husband decided that he did not want to be with me anymore (he also had an affair with a co-worker). He said that he was not ever really ready to get married….he had strung me along for 5 years straight and….I gotta tell ya…if he was a bigger person and broke it off with me BEFORE he asked me to marry him, it would have been sooo much better! Be thankful that he was not a coward like my ex. By the time we divorced I was 26 and was sooo mad that he wasted my early 20’s! If you are 27 years old then you should not be wasting your time with someone that is not ready to commit anyway. *Hugs* Time heals all wounds! I have since remarried and could not be happier Laughing

Post # 11
Member
544 posts
Busy bee

@drummerbride:  No contact is honestly the best thing. It’s hard and will be the last thing you want to do, but it’s the one thing that helped me finally move on from my last relationship.

@FearLess:  I’m really sorry to hear you have to go through this. I can only imagine the pain you’re feeling. After my last breakup, I got sick of hearing people say “It’ll get better, I promise.” …but it honestly will. And it will make complete sense to you one day. It doesn’t right now but it will.

Hang in there and come vent here any time you need to!

Post # 12
Member
8461 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@FearLess:  *HUGS* So sorry you’re hurting right now.  Just be glad that he was honest with you and didn’t string you along.  Go call up some friends and spoil yourself.  Before you know it, the perfect guy for you will be in your life when the time is right.

Post # 13
Member
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m so, so sorry that you are going through this right now. It sucks, it really does. But I think you are on the right path. You know that it is for the best, even though it’s so painful right now. And having no contact is going to help you heal from this. Before I met my husband, I was in a serious relationship, and my boyfriend at the time ended things with me suddenly, without warning. It was devestating and I only wanted to be with him, couldn’t imagine finding anyone else like him. But I cut off contact and just kept moving forward. A couple of years later, I met my now husband and realized that this relationship was even better than my previous one. I now feel really lucky that my ex ended it. But at the time, it definitely sucked. Hugs to you girl, hang in there! 

Post # 14
Hostess
2556 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

A billion hugs coming your way.  Best advice I can give is to keep busy and surround yourself with family and friends.  It’ll help keep your mind occupied.  Also, I agree with the PP about cutting off all contact with him.  Block him from Facebook so you’re tempted to stalk him.  

Post # 15
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

 

What she said @JessMorgan777:  Better now than a divorce later. I hope you heal quickly and come out stronger and better. 

Post # 16
Member
4478 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m really sorry about what’s happened, sweetie.  That’s very difficult and heartbreaking.  Just rest assured you did nothing wrong, and you didn’t scare him off.  And it’s ok to be heartbroken right now.  I agree with PP’s that you’re best off cutting off contact with him for a while. 

 

I know this might suck to hear, but I think he did the right thing by ending it now rather than stringing you along.  He has opened the path for you to find someone who shares your life goals.  It will happen in time.  In the meantime, go out dancing with the girls, take a class or pick up a hobby you’ve always wanted to do, and nourish your soul while you heal.

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