(Closed) So Excited!

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Did SO/FI/DH ask for your parents blessing/permission
    Yes, and they said yes of course! : (17 votes)
    59 %
    Yes, and they said no... : (0 votes)
    No and it wasn't a big deal : (10 votes)
    34 %
    No and it was a big deal/I wish they had asked... : (0 votes)
    Other (Please explain) : (2 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 2
    2460 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Yes, my fi did even thought I told him I personally didn’t care. I don’t have the best relationship with my mother and my father passed away. My fi did it to be respectful because I had mentioned once thay my mother had wanted to be asked for permission. 

    I think it is really sweet that your so is asking for permission to take your last name. It’s really thoughtful and I’m sure your parents will love it!

    Post # 3
    2460 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Oh also just to add, I’m pretty sure my mother said yes right away, but after we got engaged she asked me if I was sure. Not in a bad way, but just a “I love you and want you to be happy, are you happy?” Me: “yes mom.” And then the conversation changed to wedding planning. I think she just felt like she had to ask, idt she expected me to say no or anything like that. 

    Post # 5
    539 posts
    Busy bee

    I voted ‘Other’ because my husband didn’t ask my mother for permission, but I would have been completely *freaked out* if he had. 

    I understand if some people think it is sweet, but I just can’t get over the obvious origins of the practice: the idea that women are possessions, whose ownership is transferred from father/parent to husband at the time of marriage…

    Post # 7
    969 posts
    Busy bee

    Yay!  I love that guys still follow this tradition!  Some women see it as archaic and sexist, but it really isn’t.  It’s more about respect, really.  🙂

    My husband asked my parents’ blessing as well, but I never knew he did it.  He told me one day that work called him out of town, but that he’d be back later that evening, so I didn’t think anything of it. Well, turns out he had actually trekked to my parents’ house, had dinner with them, and asked for their blessing!  So, my parents knew before I did that I’d be getting engaged sometime soon after that.  😀  It wasn’t until after we were engaged that I found out he had went and asked them in private and all the details surrounding it.  I loved it!


    Post # 8
    50 posts
    Worker bee

    I think in your case in particular it is a really sweet sentiment. It’s very touching he is asking them to take your family name. I’m happy for you! 

    Post # 10
    2678 posts
    Sugar bee

    No, he didn’t ask my parent’s permission: 1)  They are dead and 2) Ihadn’t spoken to them in over 10  years when they died.

    He did, however, talk to my two sons before proposing.  And they were all for it.

    Post # 12
    2872 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    My SO didn’t ask for permission either. Not widely known in my area to be honest. I don’t know a single friend who asked for it before their proposal. If he would have though, it would have been my mom since I’m not that close with my father.

    Post # 13
    285 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    That is so sweet! I love how excited your SO seems about future asking day!

    My SO has not asked my parents permission nor do I think he will. We are going to be getting engaged next week. (lol yes I know when it will be…. )

    But my parents know we want to get engaged and are fully for it. Even if they weren’t I would still marry my SO. I’m very close with my parents but they can be rather close minded. Thankfully they love my SO and enjoy him tagging along in our family activities!

    I hope it comes soon for you! 🙂

    Post # 15
    586 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    I feel very similarly gogglefruits:  and put “other”. My fiance did not ask, which was not expected. I think it goes beyond the “possesion” thing for me. **In my own personal opinion which does not invalidate anyone else’s whose is different** – although we are close with our respective parents, we are both independent adults who live and support ourselves with very separate lives from our parents, our choice to get engaged is *our* choice and they don’t need to know what his plan was ahead of time. I was the one making the decision to say yes/no and I did not need my family to say it was ok for me to make that decision. We did call them all to let them know as soon as it happened and they were excited for us – they all know and love us and I don’t think it crossed my parent’s mind that he would have asked them, so they didn’t expect it either. 

    Again, this is just how I feel and I respect everyone’s right to have a different opinion or to view the tradition differently, I also think no one should be begrudged for something that is important to them – I respect peoples’ desire to follow this tradition, if it’s important to you then you should 100% do it and I’m thrilled for you that your fiance is building an entire proposal experience that is meaningful to you!

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