- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2014
So, My SO and I have been talking marriage for a while now (talking marriage well over a year, have been dating for nearly 5). We’ve talked a lot and we’ve both came to the conclusion that we intend to spend our lives with one another. We live together, pay a mortgage, and run a household together. Neither of us want children, so that isn’t an issue concerning time (I know a lot of ladies are in a rush because they want big families!), but I’m growing impatient because I feel like his concerns are things that could potentially continue to exist for who knows how long, and the uncertainty is looming over our relationship.
His main concerns are financial. Not in affording an actual wedding (my family has some money for us, and we also have a savings account for a future wedding that we deposit in most months), but his concern is of being finacially secure. I understand financial security is important but like I said, we pay a mortgage, all of our bills, and while we are on a budget, we aren’t exactly eating ramen to get by either. Both of us have careers that are developing and will continue to develop (we’re in our late 20s, and are only each a year or two deep into our careers). He says he want’s us to be making more money before we take this step because he knows that finances are the number one reason people get divorced and has expressed serious fear of divorce and what it does to people. Divorce is a healthy concern, but I’ve felt through discussion that he’s created this perfect senario in his mind that we need to wait for till we can be engaged or else we’re doomed.
My opinion is that we live in economically uncertain times and the “good finacial time” that he’s dreamt up could never present itself, especially being home owners. There’s always a broken furnace or a leaky roof in danger of setting any couples financial curcumstance on its ear. The ultimate point should be that we’re united in dealing with lifes uncertainties. I’ve expressed feeling this way, but it’s starting to feel like he hasn’t really considered my point of view because he’s so firm in his. I feel like it’s possible that he’s too worried about divorce and could be waiting for a curcimstance that may take years to present itself given the uncertainty of all things considered, and it concerns me.
Presently I’m living in a city I’m not crazy about for his career (my career can take place pretty much wherever.) Initially I was happy to do it, but I’m starting to feel like I could be wasting my time setting my roots in a situation that is going to bite me in the ass. I feel like these concerns are starting to weigh on our relationship, and I don’t know what I need to do to work this issue out. Like I said, I’ve had several discussions with him about the way that I feel, and have made it clear that I need to feel like my concerns are being considered. I have also expressed that I wouldn’t EVER want him to “cave” because it’s important to me that when we make this decision that it’s something we are both excited about. I don’t see any great solution to this problem. Advice from other waiting bees who are in similar predicaments?