(Closed) SO forgot valentine's day for the 3rd time

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 47
4474 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

My husband and I have been together 5 years and he’s bought me flowers twice.  most years he’s forgotren about Valentine’s Day (and, when we were dating, our Anniversary).  when he has done romantic things, most of them were because I gave him hints, and those hints had the subtlety of a sledgehammer.  point being, he’s not super romantic.


 He is, however, sweet and caring in the ways that matter, as far as being a kind loving man who’s supportive and wants to make me happy.  If you can say the same thing about your SO, then that’s worth a lot more than forgetting about an over marketed holiday.

Post # 48
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@cbj9:  I do all the planning for us, dh job keeps him really busy and he will forget about it, not because he wants to but because somedays he hardly remembers to eat. I have realised it is something I can live with, he does other cute things and that’s enough for me. You need to decide if you can live with it, because it won’t change…

Post # 49
1001 posts
Bumble bee

My partner does not get me gifts – not for my birthday, not for Christmas, not for Valentines, nothing.  He never remembers these holidays, and he just never gets me anything.  We’ve been together for years, we are planning a commitment celebration (in place of marriage, which we are not comfortable with).  I’ve accepted that while gifting is part of how my family shows affection, in his family, gifting was a manipulation tactic, and was used to guilt someone into doing something for you, or used to make someone owe you something, or used as leverage.  So gifts have totally different meanings for us.  He feels awkward when I give him gifts (which I love doing), even though he understands that when I and my family do this, we coming from a different place than his family.  And I understand that he does not like giving me gifts, because he does not like feeling like he is trying to manipulate me.  So I get things for myself!  And it works out fine. 

Post # 50
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I personally think VD is a dumb holiday.  Do you really need to specify a day for your SO to show you how much s/he cares?  Restaurants are crowded, prices are gouged, and it feels like a generic, empty gesture.  This doesn’t change the way I feel about my husband.  I would just rather try to show him my appreciation throughout the year instead on a day randomly designated by Hallmark.

OP, I am not criticizing the fact that you like VD.  But please keep in mind that it’s possible to be a good SO without making VD a priority.  I agree with the other posters who suggested that you make the plans if it’s important to you to celebrate in a particular way.  Let your SO choose his own method and circumstance of shining.

Post # 51
9680 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@cbj9:  As long as he doesn’t forget your anniversary or days that are actually significant to you as a couple, I wouldn’t worry about a silly hallmark holiday. We don’t celebrate it at all and that doesn’t mean we don’t love each other. 

As long as he treats you well on a daily basis and not just when he’s told to by the retail industry, you’re in a good position. Prices are jacked up and everywhere is so busy. If you still feel the need to do something, order in or make dinner. Who says it always has to be the man who surprises the woman. Surprise him! 

Post # 52
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My husband has never been romantic. E.g. I planned out our trip to the CN Tower where he proposed – he didn’t even make the plans! He never plans my bday parties, but I always plan his and my own. I’ve gotten flowers I think twice in almost 7yrs. It can get kind of annoying planning everything yourself, I wish he’d do it once in awhile. However, he does other sweet things for me, like if he gets off work early he’ll do the dishes or do some cleaning. He’s a great guy in general, I just wish he was more into planning some things!

I find Valentine’s Day too busy for my liking though – restaurants are packed, the movies are packed, etc. We’ve kind of made it a tradition to get each other a funny Valentine’s Day card, get take-out food and watch the movie ‘Valentine’s Day’. He’s out of town til tomorrow night (prob won’t make it home for dinner) so I’m guessing we’ll just do the cards & movie this year, slightly disappointing!


Post # 53
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

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OP – I hope something works out for tomorrow for you, because it IS important to you.  Good luck!

Post # 54
982 posts
Busy bee

@cbj9:  For me, I see Valentine’s Day as an overhyped, over commercialised guilt trip. I told SO not to do anything for it, because we are getting a puppy and would rather put the money towards that rather than the above. And he is working tonight. He works most weekend nights and I’m so jealous of couples who get to spend that time together!

SO is a sweet and thoughtful guy, and he’s like that all the time (whether it’s randomly buying a cute bunch of flowers at the supermarket, or filling the pantry with my favourite treats). I don’t need him to go and buy overpriced flowers or teddy bears on one day of the year. Neither of us actually know when our anniversary is either (!), I think it’s coming up to 7 years in July sometime…?

I realise that not everyone is the same, others place more importance on V-Day but for us, it’s really not symbolic of anything.

If it’s important to you, make the plans. Maybe your SO just isn’t a planner, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care.


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@lia22:  this exactly!

Post # 55
5940 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@cbj9:  What beachbride said. I’ve been there done that. You just have to be okay with you being the one to always do things.  I wasn’t. (among other things) I left.

Post # 56
277 posts
Helper bee

@cbj9:  Sit him down and explain to him that it’s not about the holiday; it’s about showing you that he thinks of you and want to show that he loves you in a romantic way. After a good conversation about it, ask him if he’d plan something in the near future for the two of you. See how that goes. In all honestly, I forgot about Valentines Day this year (and I’m a woman). My SO isn’t romantic, either, and I know how it can get to you. Just try talking to him. Mine actually didn’t think much of it until I said I didn’t expect anything from him. For some reason, that kicked him into gear and he came home from work with flowers.

Post # 57
557 posts
Busy bee

eh, if he is great the other 364 days of the year, then who cares. I would rather feel loved in some way everyday than to have random bursts of extreme romance.

Then again my idea of a great valentines day was the chinese buffet (oh pregnancy…) haha

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