(Closed) So frustrated!!!

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
914 posts
Busy bee

What’s he like on an every day basis? The last nice big thing my dh did was surprise me with a gift on our wedding day. But day to day he’s thoughtful in general. Ie unstacks the dishwasher, fills my hot water bottle, grabs me ice cream on the way home, gets movies he thinks I’ll like. Is it romantic gestures you’re looking for or just more thoughtfull every day things?

Post # 4
2258 posts
Buzzing bee

Aww–I’m sorry. That sucks to feel unappreciated, especially when you go out of your way for him. I remember from a previous post, I think, that you both are working some pretty long hours each. Have you thought maybe of making a list of things he could do for you and maybe asking that he could do one or two a week? Just little things, but maybe he needs some ideas. 

Post # 5
914 posts
Busy bee

Hhhmm ok. I see why you’re upset. I don’t think leading by example doing a nice thing every day  would work with my dh unless I explicitly said ‘I think it would help our relationship if we did this for each other’. He’d probably just thank me and think I was sweet. I think I’d say straight out that you need him to think of you more often and put more effort into your relationship, starting now lol.

Post # 7
1231 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Does he hug and kiss you? Is he physically affectionate? Does he tell you he loves you?

I don’t want to judge you, but there was something a little ‘transactiony’ to me in your original post. Your husband can still love you even if he doesn’t buy you special things at the grocery store, and you can show your husband you love him without bending over backwards to do special little things for him every day.  Maybe your husband’s way of showing love is to say it, or express it with touch. You asking him to do stuff for him might just look like you are asking him to be constantly surprising you with favors.

Post # 9
11 posts

My mum once gave me advice in the way to explain things to men LOL. She said it’s better to phrase things in ‘I feel’ rather ‘you don’t/why can’t you’. Which I’m not saying you do, it’s just advice she gave me which stuck with me. Like ‘it makes me feel really happy when you message me during the day’. It seems to work when I’m having trouble getting through to my Darling Husband.

Post # 11
7673 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

gingerkitten:  He tells you he loves you every day? Wow, I’d love that!

It does sound like he loves you, he’s just not expressing it how you’d like.

Post # 13
592 posts
Busy bee

Sorry, but you are doing it wrong: stop doing nice things for your husband to get him to do nice things for you. Instead: do nice things for yourself to feel good about yourself. Feeling good about yourself will make you feel good about your husband. Only do nice things for your husband because you want to, are in the mood for it and it doesn’t interefere too much with your other responsibilities. It sounds selfish, but it is plenty and he will learn to appreciate it when you do. You, on the other hand, will not feel he has to reciprocate. This will take a lot of pressure off your relationship.

Post # 15
740 posts
Busy bee

You mentioned love languages – for it to work, you each need to know each other’s.  Have you communicated to him explicitly what your language is, and asked him to act accordingly?  Although you are doing all these super nice things for him, perhaps they don’t speak to his love language and he is completely oblivious.  If you’ve already sat down and talked about this, I think you should sit down again and have another talk and explain how you feel and also see how he is feeling.  Maybe he just needs to be reminded.

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