Post # 1
Hi Bees…just need a vent!
Fiance and I are getting married in Fiji…we gave everyone a good year and a half notice…knowing full well that most would not be coming. We are all within Australia so it’s not TOO far or expensive. Future Sister-In-Law and Future Brother-In-Law are both in the bridal party…Fiance and I are very close to them. FI’s entire family (parents, siblings, partners, uncles, aunts) have already booked and paid and it looks to be a super intimate wedding with all of our favourite people…exactly what we were wanting 🙂
I received a text this afternoon from Future Sister-In-Law “Just so you know. We aren’t coming to the wedding. Can’t afford it”. That’s it. Nothing else. Not even a call. I called my Fiance to vent because they always do shit like this. Even he, who is super passive and easy-going, thought it was weird and annoying. I am SO PISSED OFF. I don’t expect everyone to come to the wedding of course but they are in the bridal party, and they had PREVIOUSLY BOOKED!!! THEY CANCELLED THEIR RESERVATIONS AND FLIGHTS!!! WTH!!!
Am I being crazy?
Edited: Removed a line I put in about theirincome as apparently it is midleading as to what I’m actually annoyed about.
This topic was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by .
Post # 2
While she could have told you in a better way than an impersonal text, that’s the risk you run with a destination wedding. Any sympathy I had kind of had went out the wayside when you started judging how and what they spend their money on. That’s none of your business.They’re spending money on a vacation and a TV for themselves? It’s *their* money. They have every right to. And I always love when people say ‘they can afford it!’. Unless you are their personal accountant, you have no idea what their money situation is.
Does it suck? Yes. Should she have told you in person or called you? Yes. But be pissed over that and not that they’re spending their own money on things for themselves instead of your ‘super beautiful wedding’.
Post # 3
I’m not annoyed over how they spend thir money I’m annoyed they they booked and paid for everything then cancelled it saying they can’t afford it. How does that even make sense.
Post # 4
Youre not crazy. Honestly I would be really annoyed! Alot of people will probably tell you that its their choice what they spend their money on, and that by having a destination wedding you are ‘asking for it’ and that this is what you should expect etc etc. But you gave them plenty of notice, they are immediate family and they ALREADY BOOKED! So to cancel this far in is incredibly offensive. If I had to cancel this far in to a family member after already booking I would feel SO guilty. I would be telling the couple on the phone/ in person explaining my finances and I would probably be crying about being a bad sister.
My one thought is that maybe something has happened to them recently that means they genuinely cant afford it? Have they had to cancel alot of things recently or has something happened like an injury/ illness. Is she unexpectedly pregnant? (literally just popped in my mind). It might be worth calling them to say like ‘oh no im so upset you cant make it. Has something happened that has meant youve had to cancel?’. I do think you deserve an explanation however unfortunately you cant demand one and theres not alot in general you can do 🙁
Post # 5
They booked and paid and then something came up that made your destination wedding a lower financial priority. It really isn’t that hard to understand. Things change and just because you think Fiji is cheap does not mean that they think it is worth the money they will have to spend.
As pp said it is the price you pay for having a destination wedding.
Given your reaction I am guessing they know you well enough to decide that a text was the less stressful way for them to tell you.
Post # 6
Yeah nothing has happened or changed. I’m perplexed. They just said they can’t afford it.
I am annoyed right now, I’ actually quite a passive person and thus am not the confrontational type. If they had called and said it the only thing I could’ve said was “oh…okay…” because it’s so bizare what’s happening.
The entire family is like “wait – what? They’re not coming?” They didn’t even tell anyone else. So confused right now.
Post # 7
Just because you think nothing has changed does not mean that something hasn’t. They have made a decision that is right for their family and you just have to accept that.
It is always good to remember that however much we think we know what is going on in someone’s relationship/life/financials the truth is that we don’t. The only people who actually know are the person/people whose finances/relationship/life it is.
Post # 8
Maybe she’s knocked up? 😉
Post # 9
Maybe something happened in their life that changed their mind. Maybe one of them lost their job, got pregnant, etc. This is the reason why we are not having a destination wedding. I was afraid the people who we actually want there wont be able to come.
Post # 10
I am sorry but no sympathy from me.. this is the problem with destination weddings. They cause an inconvinience on every single guest all for different reasons and unfortunately there is nothing you can do about it other than be gracious that they tried to come. Obviously they had intended to come but something (doesn’t really matter what) came up and they cannot afford it anymore. This is certainly not something that you can hold against them, just as they should not hold it against you guys for having a destination wedding. It is just the unfortunate side effect of a destination wedding.
Post # 11
How does that even make sense.
The way they notified you wasn’t the most gracious but I am quite sure they are not the first people in history to make a reservation then realize they can’t afford it and cancel their plans.
You knowingly planned a wedding that was going to cost your guests way more money than if you married at home, knowing full well that most would not be coming.
Well, guess what? You were right .They’re not coming.
Post # 12
I agree that it’s super annoying that they’re canceling at the last minute. And also annoying that she told you by text. But there’s to do about it. Have a wonderful and fun wedding and they’ll just have to miss out. Life will go on.
Post # 13
It’s a bummer that they suddenly backed out even though they were in the bridal party. Maybe she just texted you because she didn’t want to talk about uncomfortable details on their finances or didn’t want to be guilt-tripped. If they are really close to you, they probably feel horrible about having to back out like that. You’ll still get to get married though!
Post # 14
Update: I heard through Mother-In-Law (didn’t even call me or text me this time) that they didn’t know they were in the wedding party and so now they’re coming????????? They’ve gone dress and suit shopping with us…they were obviously told and were fully aware that they were in the bridal party. WTF.
Post # 15
I think this family needs to work on some communication skills…