(Closed) So frustrated. Anyone else have to deal with conflicting work schedules?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

It’s going to be hard with schedules like that, but if you both make sure to schedule time to be together, you should be able to get by.  My Boyfriend or Best Friend and I had a really rough time when he was woorking nights and I was an 8-5-er.  I’d get home just after he went to work, and he’d get in sometimes just before I’d be leaving for work.  We had a lot of other stress at the time, so him quitting that job and us living off my meager salary, hard as it was, was a lot better for us in the long run.

That said, there are couples who’ve had to live schedules like this for years and still stayed happy and raised families, so it can be done.  Again, make sure you both give a little of your time to each other – maybe you wake up early now and then to see him before he goes to sleep… maybe he can spare a little sleep on a weekend sometime just to cuddle with you on the couch (or sleep in there while you watch a quiet movie). 

It’s not the best thing to say, but when I’ve founf my SO is busy or can’t help me do things, I realize that I’d be doing it myself if I wasn’t in a relationship, so it’s ot the big of  adeal (unless he’d promised to help and then backed out – that’s different).  This goes for housework that ‘boys’ just don’t seem to care about, and certain things that bug me and ‘must’ be done as far as I’m concerened but he coulnd’t care less about.  So I usually just take care of what I can without him, and try to plan things that need both of us to complete for a time when he’ll be well rested and not stressed from work when possible.

All I can really say is that at least you guys won’t face the same ‘stagnation’ problem that other couples have to fight, where you see TOO much of each other.  You’re reminded every day how valuable the time you do get to spend together is, and you know to value it.

Post # 4
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m sorry!! That definitely stinks 🙁 My bf is a cop and I have an 8-5 job, so our time together is also very limited. You are right, it’s all about compromise. It’s also about appreciating ANY time you can get together. It took me a long time to appreciate whatever time we can get (it’s been 7 years and I’m just starting to get there lol). I was always jealous of my weekend fling-ing friends who were gallavanting off to the beach or something for a few days while I kept myself busy at home and my bf worked overtime. We argued (and still argue now) about how to spend the time we do have – a lot of times he wants to go hang out at our friends’ houses. Granted, I love them, but I want him to want to spend more time just us! We so rarely get it these days. We don’t live together, so that’s been a challenge too.

I hope your fiance finds a new job soon!! I wish I had better advice 🙁 You’re certainly not alone in your impatience and struggles and frustration. Try to let your expectations of spending time together go and focus on a few things here and there. I hope things start to look up soon!!

Post # 6
2892 posts
Sugar bee

Ladies with partners who work 9-5 M-F jobs are some of the luckiest ladies. My friend will sometimes complain that she feels like she sees her guy too much and makes time to do things without him. I only WISH I could see my SO half that often! I totally feel your pain. I work 5:30am – 2PM M-F and my guy works 12-2PM to midnight or later. He works EVERY weekend and holiday. So every Friday night, every holiday, to include all the small holidays, I spend without him. Almost 2 years later- I’d by lying if I said I wasn’t a little bitter. I’m contracted into my job so I literally can’t change but my guy is in the same position as yours. He’s looking at changing jobs also.

Patience, patience, patience. That’s all I can say. I know you know how tough it is. But patience and making sure he knows you want to make the best of the little time you have together is super important. I’ve told my guy a couple times that I understand he doesn’t have a lot of “him” time, but we have even less “us” time and that it was important to me that we make the best of it every time. He’s been very understanding. And we do try. I really hope your guy finds another job soon. It’s tough out there, but not so tough that it’s hopeless. Good luck!!!

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