Post # 1
Ehhh. So I just got a new job and I talked to Fiance before accepting it and we both agree it is a good move for our future – it is a location we both want to be and is actually a closer commute to his current job.
That said, we have to move within 1 1/2 to 2 weeks. I am trying to get it done because I am a teacher and will not be able to go after school back to the apartment to pack – it is just unreasonable. However, Fiance has been no help in the moving process. I have made all the calls regarding moving and storage, and I have done all the box buying, newspaper getting, and packing of the stuff.
I want to make the full move this weekend, but I can’t do it all by myself. We had a talk on Friday about it, and I was in tears. He is tired when he gets home from work and is completely useless. Therefore, he did not want to help on Friday even though he took a half day and we were busy with previous plans.
Being that it is labor day,I thought he would have the day off and help. Nope, he is workin because he needs the money. I don’t begrudge him for that, but I figured when he got home from work today he could help me more or he could take a half day. Nope, he just called and is going fishing with his boss and won’t be home until 9:30. Did I mention he goes to bed at 9:30 . . . I told him how frustrated I was and he said he will be better later this week. That is what he said Friday!
Gah. What should I do? What should I say to him? Why is he being such a slacker? How can I get him in gear? Is it unfair of me to expect him to help since we are moving because of my job and have to do it so quickly because of me?
Post # 3
I feel for you, I really do! It sucks when you are the one responsible for what seems like everything. However, aren’t you asking of him the same thing you are unwilling to do? That is pack and move after you have been at work all day?
I think you need to compromise. I know you have already sat down and talked to him but obviously that didn’t get through to him! What if you did all the packing up of the boxes since your job hasn’t started yet and then he does all the unpacking on the other side of things.
Post # 4
@babyboo: Thanks for the response! I really needed a sounding board. The problem with packing after work for me (once my new job starts) is that I would have to drive an hour and half to get to the apartment to pack and then go back to where I am staying. Unpacking wouuld be great to let him do but he will be working five days a week out of state and only be home Saturdays and Sundays – why do I think he will be even less motivated then?
I just hope that this isn’t showing me what he is going to be like helping take care of kids when he gets home from work in the future or when we try to buy a house . . .
Post # 5
We moved last week and my husband didn’t help with the packing, but he did do other things such as find boxes, as well as had a friend come over and to help us move.
Although I packed everything I didn’t have to move a heavy box whatsoever.. that was nice. I did, however, have to unpack everything. EVERY LAST BOX.
I just finished unpacking yesterday, actually. Men are pretty useless when it comes to packing/ unpacking and the moving process in general. Big hugs, and I so feel your pain!
Post # 6
I don’t know, I can kind of see his side if he is working all week out of town and only has the weekends to rest. I’m not sure what type of job he has but being at the office for that long can be pretty exhausting. However, him going out fishing with his boss until late tonight is not cool at all. I think you really need to sit down and talk to him about this and try to come to some sort of compromise. You have very little time to get this move done, and it will be easier if you have both of you on the same page.
And now that I think about it, like @jamiemichelle, my husband was pretty useless in the unpacking process (we had movers who packed everything up so we didn’t have to do that part).
Post # 7
That makes more sense now that I know what a long drive you would have! At this point I think it is easier for you to just do the work without him and if he decides to help you that is great! If he doesn’t, well you aren’t any worse off than you were before, right?
After this whole moving/job situation is settled I think the two of you need to sit down and have a serious discussion about expectations in the household. Obviously you both will have a full time job so you are going to be busy. It is understandable that you take on slightly more of the workload as you probably have more time off/get off of work earlier (being a teacher) but he still needs to help!
PS. I know being a teacher isn’t easy. I work part-time with children (after school care and summer day camp) and know how completely exhausted I am at the end of the day. Good luck with the new job 🙂
Post # 8
Thanks ladies! I do feel his side of things but I am just so stressed about this new job and prepping and planning for a new high school english job is a full-time job in itself!
Oh and just to note – he is not at the job far away quite yet – he leaves in three weeks. So he is just being a big baby right now – well he does hard labor.
I appreciate the perspective though. I will just take deep breaths and when he whines about carrying large boxes I will swallow the urge to scream. Hahaha. I will pack these boxes as heavy as possible!
Post # 9
How about asking friends to help for two hours, feed them and then you are that many more hours ahead with packing. A 90-minute commute where I live is no big deal, although tedious. Remember that this is temporary and once you get settled, things will be better. That is my mantra, when things get frustrating “This is temporary.” Moving is no treat, even in the best of circumstances. By the way, Congratulations on the new job!
Post # 10
What if you guys sat down and just designated the different responsibilities? I imagine that he will be doing most of the physical moving. When my fiance and I moved, I did most of the actual packing and labeling boxes. I also handled billing changes and making sure the utilities were changed. However, once moving day came around, he and a few of his friends moved EVERYTHING. I pretty much told them where each box went but didn’t physically have to move everything… which was fantastic! Moving is a very stressful thing and it can be very overwhelming! I certainly understand where you are coming from. Just sit back and take a deep breath! It will all work itself out
Post # 11
I feel your pain. When we moved about a year and a half ago I did all of the packing for 7 people. He did all the moving though. He loaded the truck, and while I helped unload some, he did a lot of unpacking with me. He was working wicked hours and hardly at home, and he had to take the weekend we moved off so we could.
Sit down with him and make him a list of things he needs to get done. Things that you will not pack, like his stuff. I know that sounds kind of mean but maybe he will see how much you need his help.
Good luck with the new job!
Post # 12
Ew! Inkypoo – Seven people! Wow. I need to stop complaining – we have a small one bedroom apartment. I am frustrated because he whines that he works all day but doesn’t acknowledge that planning for the upcoming school year, packing and making phone calls about utilities, storage supplies, wedding stuff, etc is working. Oh well. Stupid boy. I have already calmed down thanks to you ladies.
I will definitely take all your advice to make him his own list of things to do – probably with his help so he gets a say. It is just hard because I am very anxious about it all so I want it to get done and he will wait until the eleventh hour to do it which may drive me crazy.
Post # 13
- Wedding: April 2011 - The Tribute Golf Club
Oh man I know how you feel! When we moved from my other apartment to the one we are in now, I did all the packing. I was upset because, while 90% of the stuff was mine (he didn’t have very much that he took from his parents’ house), he wouldn’t help pack the few things that were his. We ended up talking about it, and that did help. We agreed that when the move took place that he would build/put together all of the furniture and new pieces that we purchased while I unpacked.
Hopefully things work out and you can get some help!
Post # 14
I have to say I totally understand where he’s coming from, because we moved in May (to a four bedroom house) while I was working full-time and my husband (then fiance) was not working. I really was hardly involved in the move AT ALL (packing OR unpacking). In fact, he actually moved into the house about 3 weeks before me to unpack and get the house ready. So while I understand that you must be really frustrated (I can’t imagine having to do what he did…which included refinishing the walls, painting, setting up furniture, etc.), I definitely understand the other point of view as well. Good luck!!