- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2008
DH’s family is notoriously difficult. His dad has some major issues and is super odd and hard to get along with. He intimidates me and I’m not particularly comfortable being around him. DH knows this.
Yesterday DH calls me and asks if last night was a good night to go to his parents house for dinner–his dad had apparently invited us over because we’re moving in a couple weeks. I said sure, fine.
We get home from work and are planning on being at my IL’s house at 7. His mom calls and has no idea we were supposed to be coming over. She said that FIL thought we were coming on Wednesday. An insanely confusing conversation goes around and around for like 10 minutes. They hang up, DH is frustrated. I’m rolling my eyes bc this ALWAYS happens. Everything is always so difficult with them; such a chore. nothing is easy. I’m like, “babe, you should call your dad and make sure he know’s we’re coming tonight”. DH is tense and says “he knows we’re coming tonight, that’s what I discussed with him”, but he ended up calling anyway. His dad starts ranting about NO YOU”RE SUPPOSED TO COME ON WEDNESDAY THAT”S WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT. And DH (who I implicitly trust when he says they specifically said last night was the night we’d come over for dinner, because his dad is crazy) tells him no, no, no we talked about this three hours ago and we said TONIGHT. So FIL gets all annoyed and frustrated and keeps going on and on and on. DH finally tells him “you know, this is why we never come over because everything is always so fucking difficult”, and he dad throws the phone down. So DH hangs up and is all pissed and I’m like “god they are crazy” (I didn’t say that, but was thinking it).
Later, he gets all guilty and is like “I shouldn’t have said that to him, it’s not even true” and for some reason it upset me so much because IT IS TRUE. IT IS THE TRUEST STATEMENT EVER. He called his dad back and apologized because he was so upset that he said that to his dad. And I know it sound so terrible but I was pissed that he apologized because this is an ongoing issue with his parents and DH never just comes out and tells them “why do you make EVERYTHING difficult, just calm the fuck down and don’t make everything so complicated”. DH and I have discussed this so many times.
By calling and telling his dad that it isn’t true I kinda feel like it’s a slap in the face to me because this is an issue we’ve had with them for along time and frankly, I think they NEED to hear it because it’s out of control.
Not only that, but DH is very close to my family. We are much closer to mine than his. I don’t try to hide or sugar coat any of the bat-shit craziness that happens with my family (particularly my mother, with whom I am very close, but also butt heads with like crazy sometimes). There is no hiding it sometimes; DH is always around and has witness many of my fights with my mom. I am not above saying things about and to my mom or brother about “how things are”. Case in point: DH and I have talked about how my brother can be such a bitchy little mama’s boy who has no responsibilities or rules (all true statements). DH has comforted when my mom has been super bitchy and unfair to me…he’s straight up told me “your mom is being a crazy bitch”…those statements don’t upset me because they are NOT FALSE. I like that he is and advocate for me with my family, because my mom and I do have some differences sometimes, but are mostly very close.
Anyway, long story short: I just am so annoyed that his parents can’t get “put in their place” (for lack of a better phrase) about things that DH and I have talked about and agreed on as being issues with them. But we freely discuss issues about my family, and he even blatantly calls them out to me (he doesnt’ disrespect to anyones face, but is always on my side when I tell him things that have gone on between me and my mom). I NEVER hesitate to call my own family out on their bullshit, and DH has been there to witness this. And my family NEVER hesitates to call me out on my bullshit. That’s how we are. We have differeences, people are difficult, but we SAY IT.
I just hate how DH feels like he can’t “hurt” his crazy-ass dad by telling him the truth. I feel like his parents NEED TO KNOW THESE THINGS because they are super irritating and it’s to the point where I don’t even want to talk to them sometimes. I seriously can’t emphasize how often this crazy run-around of confusion and complication happens…it is ALL. THE. TIME. I’ve never experienced this. I didn’t see anything wrong with DH telling them how it is. The backpeddling from DH to his dad really, really rubbed me the wrong way.