Post # 1
Just blew my lid at him. Our wedding is 7 months away and we have a TON of things to do. He keeps saying “we’ll get them done.” For the past four weeks he has said that about the 4 things we need to get done by the middle of December. We have none of them done. I am making phone calls and trying to make arrangements and he keeps saying “we’ll get it all done – don’t worry.” Really??? I’m pretty sure that means I’ll do all the legwork and you’ll think it was a breeze to do these things.
I called him with a list of things we must get done by the end of the weekend. He said “no.” he’s going to work on other wedding stuff! He does NOT get how much work goes into things. He thinks we can just design a STD and have it mailed out in two days. Really? Are YOU going to be hand-addressing all 200 of those suckers? Because I’m pretty sure your handwriting sucks. Have you priced out different vendors? Have you gotten any proofs? Any referrals?
He doesn’t get it! I am ready to cry with frustration.
How do you other bees deal with this???
Post # 3
I tried the whole, “let’s plan this together” thing too…. he did the exact same thing your Fiance is doing (they don’t understand the timeline) and I finally had to ditch him and do everything by myself. Whatever, such is life.
Post # 4
Honestly, I got a lot of the same “ya ya babe, it’ll get done” so I stopped giving him things to do and focussed on doing it all myself or with help from BMs/moms/wonderful friends. Then when he wanted to hang out and watch a movie together, I’d say fine, but I have to assemble ______ and sit beside him with my tv tray working away. Some times he’d help, often not, I mean he’s not exactly crafty 😉 I just realized that he wasn’t exactly going to be a details guy!
HOWEVER the day before and the day of the wedding, he was AMAZING getting everything organized, brought to the venue, set up, etc. Our wedding would have been a disaster if he hadn’t have taken over and gotten everything up and running! Big picture guy for sure!
Post # 5
I suggest sitting down with him and asking him which things he wants to have a hand in. Guys, for the most part, don’t want to be involved in the whole thing. I did this with my hubby and it helped alot. That way, I wasn’t dragging him around to things that he had no interest in and I wasn’t stressing out about why he doesnt care about our wedding.
Also, in order not to overwhelm him with things. We worked out a few small “Projects” at a time. Once he got those done, we went on to the next ones.
Another suggestion: make sure that every convo and event is not wedding related. Give him a break and maybe go out on a date every now and then. Just so that his mind won’t be flooded with wedding stuff 24/7. It helped with my man.
Post # 6
I might be at an advantage that my Fiance lives a thousand miles away. There is really no option for him to help and therefore not expectations. What if you had a conversation with him about putting time on his calendar in advance to work on wedding plans? Saturday for 1 -3pm we will work on ___. Maybe the structure would help him.
Post # 7
Sometimes, I truly think men’s brains are built differently than women’s and you have to give it to them one item at a time. No multitasking!
I would recommend giving him one task at a time with clear instructions.
In regards to referrals, proofs, etc….it might be a 10000x quicker just to do it yourself.
For my Save-The-Date Cards, I came up with a couple of options, then showed Fiance, we discussed and picked one (which I am still regretting bc they are taking me FOREVER to finish, but I did it to myself 🙂 ).
His not helping is not that he doesn’t care, he just doesn’t get it. Boys will be boys sometimes 🙂
Post # 8
My Fiance said he would be in charge of the cake. That is all he is doing.
Post # 9
ask him if there is anything that he would like to do and give him a timeline for it. hubs only cared about a couple things, so he was in charge of those. for the most part, he didn’t do much, but he was a big help with the set up the day before
Post # 10
Welcome to planning with a man. LOL. My Fiance is usually super helpful, but the entire time I felt like I was doing everything by myself. We are now just a couple weeks from the wedding and right about the 2 month mark is when he started getting serious and helping me do things. I think a lot of men don’t care about the planning part, they would just rather “do” the things that have already been planned and need to get done.
Post # 11
alot of ppl think my SO is lazy or mean, but he is not doing anything wedding related. He basically said, I can do whatever I want and he agrees with all my choices. I picked the colors, venue, bouquets, invites EVERYTHING. BUT I am a huge control freak, so it’s just easier on me to be in control of every little thing. UGH we made christmas cards last year, and he’s not exactly crafty so it’s a blessing that he isn’t involved lol. Maybe you should just straight up say, this is exactly what we have to get done by this date, are you going to help me do this or not???
Post # 12
Actually, you are Right about men’s brains!! 🙂 I got married 28 years ago this weekend, and my guy just wasn’t really interested in much of the planning stuff, but then again, we didn’t have SO many choices as you do these days!! 🙂 Good luck. 🙂
Post # 13
My Fiance has told me the things he doesn’t care anything about (flowers) and the things he really cares about (food, favors) so I include him in the discussions he wants to be included in and not anything else. This way he doesn’t get burned out on wedding stuff. I’m under no illusion that he cares about the details of a wedding like I do. That being said, he does help me when I need him to (like driving 50 mins each way to pick up old windows) as long as I only give him one tast at a time.
Post # 14
i get this a lot from my fi. i tend to run very stressed, whereas he is much more laid back, so i’m always worried about getting things done (whether for the wedding or chores or money, etc) and he’s always saying “don’t worry, we’ll get it done, it will be fine” and it drives me crazy sometimes. i have to remind myself that we have different styles when it comes to planning, and he’s not trying to annoy me, he just doesn’t think the same way.
once i started working on a task, like assembling std’s, fi is right there and ready to help. so now i’m planning things out and don’t bother fi with that part as much, and when i’m ready to actually do something, fi is happy to help.
Post # 15
I second @pinkpinkstripes with the options route. Narrow things down to 2 or 3 options based on what you like/can afford. Then show him only those two. “Honey, which do you like best?” Then go forward with it. I also consitituted a rule. If you think you can find something better/cheaper/bigger, whatever, then you can price it out and come back to me with your options. This of course means he’ll have to look things up and contact vendors – not gonna happen. If I’ve gone forward with something and you’ve not done your homework yourself, there’s no complaining. Also, on things I know we need to have – design elements that he really has no interest in, but I think will add something special, I just tell him, we need $x for this by Tuesday. Sometimes not informing him/overwhelming him is easiest. In order to still help him feel involved I gave him a project – HONEYMOON. I don’t want to know what it costs, and I don’t want to deal with details. On top of everything else, planning a vacation is way down on my list.
Post # 16
My husband did the same thing. I took over wedding planning and he took over all the household duties. That way, we both had a significant contribution to our daily workload, but neither of us resented the other for not doing something on the “wrong” timeline.