(Closed) So frustrated with my bridesmaids

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee

May I ask the cost of the bridesmaid dresses?

I would call that friend and give her a chance to respond. Some people never check/respond to emails.

Post # 4
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Sounds frustrating. However, it really isn’t any of your business how your friends spend their money. You mentioned there is one gal that you’re not happy about. If that’s the case, why did you ask her to be a BM?

Post # 6
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee

Oh thats not bad!! I was expecting you to say $200++. But around $100 is totally normal.

I hope your friends come around 🙁 Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
5183 posts
Bee Keeper

I know some people are going to comment on you talking about your girls going on vacation and that not being any of your buisness blah blah blah (hopefully this will deter them). But I totally feel your frustration! Out of 4 of my BMs, only one (my MOH) bought her dress… I wanted my girls to get their dresses really early because it takes a while for it to come in and I will only be in FL for so long and I wanted to see them in the dresses… It kinda sucks but I am willing to cut everyone and just have my Maid/Matron of Honor be by my side.

Post # 9
Member
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

im with BirdieLove.   it sucks, but it really isn’t any of your business what she’s spending her money on.  I stand by the theory that you never really know someone’s financial situation- even if you think you do.

Post # 11
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

We are kindred spirits!  Haha.  Actually, all of my bridesmaids did order their dresses, but I have had problems with several of them complaining about cost, not responding to things in a timely manner, and being disrespectful.  I had one bridesmaid call me the day before the dress order was due to say she didn’t have the money.  Yet, she had just bragged on facebook about her “$3,000 tax return–time to go SHOPPING!” about a week prior.  When I asked her where all her tax money went, she admitted she’s had photographs taken, purchased a lot of MAC makeup, and entered a pricey pageant.  The dress was $200 (I paid for shoes and jewelry), so it would have been a small chunk from that amount.  I had to twist her arm to get the money in…

I would say that many girls love the idea of being a bridesmaid–standing by their friend on the wedding day, getting all gussied up for the wedding, going to showers and bachelorette parties–but most really don’t like the logistics of being a bridesmaid.  Paying for dresses and gifts, ordering, getting sized, responding to emails…many girls see this as an inconvenience.  I don’t think they mean to be bad friends or go into the wedding intent on making your life miserable, I just think they realize halfway through that being a bridesmaid is WORK lol.

Instead of telling her she’s out, offer it to her.  Just call and say you feel terrible about the cost that she’s incurring to be a bridesmaid.  Considering her financial struggles, you can see why it would be a burden.  You don’t want her to sacrifice her financial well-being for you.  This dress is just the first of several upcoming costs (showers, bach parties, wedding lodging, etc.) so you want to offer her the opportunity to step aside.  No hard feelings, you can find someone else and if it means a lot for her to be in the wedding, she can be an honor attendant.  This requires no extra money, she can just seat people as they arrive, or read something during the ceremony (or whatever task you come up with).  If you’re lucky, she’ll agree and step aside and you won’t be the bad guy.  If she insists she’s fine, I think that gives you a little more latitude to be assertive with her in the future about deadlines.

Post # 12
Member
5183 posts
Bee Keeper

@SweetRose2011: it is none of your buisness but your wedding is your buisness and THEY CAN’T AFFORD THEIR DRESSES. They agreed to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, you went out of your way to pick a dress that was average cost, you told them way in advanced, and they STILL don’t have it. It really pisses me off. I have asked my girls for timeframes when they think they can get the dress. 1 told me in about a month, I am waiting for next month to tell her to buy it again, another one told me she would buy it a month ago! (who is also another of my MOHs) and then she said the week after and then when that week came she said that things came up :-/ Its her bday this week so I am just waiting for some time to pass.. I will prob ask both the girls next month. I know things come up.. but apparently things have been coming up for months and months now. If they couldn’t afford it, they should have declined. Now I am put in a position to be the bad person and ask them to step down. THANK god for my Maid/Matron of Honor

Post # 13
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Good luck with this!  I would definately give her the benefit of doubt and find out if she got the information, that way if you do have to cut her- it can’t be blamed on you.  If you follow up and give her every motivation, then it’s on her.  I would also be a bit angry about how they are spending their money- I know that its “none of your business” but it is.  They said they would be bridesmaids, and they knew walking in what the financial responsibility would be.  If they dont have the money to do it, they should have told you up front and tried to work something out.  I was broke for my best friends wedding, and couldnt afford some of the pampering that she wanted us to have, so she helped pay- but I also wasnt wasting my money and I talked to her about it way in advance.  So.  Good luck.  Just try to not stress too much about them.  It will all work out.

Post # 15
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

My BM’s were kind of jerks about this stuff too, like getting boob jobs and buying dresses for the bachelorette party before paying me back for the dresses. I suggest you just front the money and let it go, thats what I did and it saved me a lot of heart ache

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