(Closed) So frustrated…Obsessing!! (long)

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1339 posts
Bumble bee

Welcome!  Have you read Mr. Bees Plan?  Have you read Why Men Marry B*tches?  They are the only things that are getting me through right now.  Much Diamond Dust your way!  Laughing

Post # 4
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Withdraw the frisky stuff for a few days, lol !!! See if that’ll concentrate his mind for him!! Ah no, seriously, I don’t really know what else you can do at this point, unless you really want to find out what a man can do if pushed into a corner… Sorry I’m not more help, best of luck with him tho!

Have you tried buying him an engagement ring and getting down on one knee yourself?!

Post # 6
Member
1339 posts
Bumble bee

You need Sheri Argov right now! 

I’m still obsessed but since I think it’s coming soon it’s getting easier. 

 

Post # 8
Member
1280 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Sheri Argov wrote Why Men Marry Bitches. Its funny and very similar to Mr. Bees plan but personally I find it exhausting to do. A modified version is okay cause there’s some good advice in there but the rest feels to fake and gamey.

I know how you feel with age differences. My guy and I have a 5 year one (I’m about to be 33 and he’s 28). I was also upfront with him due to this. I was also very upfront with him about my needs. Maybe you and you bf can have a compromise. Perhaps you are willing to go for a 200 dollar ring instead (overstock has em) and do a long engagement. I think what you need right now is the promise and to know he’s serious. perhaps then you can relax for a while, let him finish school and then start planning a modest wedding?

Has he told you why he feels you are not ready? Is it his age? Do you have a limit with him (I did with my guy)? I’d say you need to talk with him and give him your time line. Not like and ultimatum but more like this is what I need. No threats. Then drop it, start being a bit more selfish and see what he does between now and then.He has all the time in the world but you don’t (although you do already have children so maybe you have more time unless you want another child with him).

Post # 10
Member
1280 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Yes! Stay positive but also don’t be afraid to get down to brass tax with him. Sometimes these younger men don’t mean to but they feel no sense of urgency so they kind of just let things flow and figure it will just happen. You might try what I did with my guy too. He always had intentions to marry me and we talked about it but I never saw him do anything to really suggest he was making plans to propose. Finally I told him how I felt and what I consider an appropriate amount of time. He told me that he wasn’t afraid to marry me or be married to me but the ideas of being a husband and a married man just made him feel scared and seemed so grown up. I didn’t coddle him, instead I told him “hey, I’m sorry you are scared but I need a man not a boy. If you can’t get past these silly fears and realize that what truely matters is our love and commiting to me long term then this isn’t gonna work out. I don’t blame you if that’s the case but you need to think hard and fast about this because as far as I knew we wanted the same things and I have a life to think about.” Well, 4 months later he is talking about my engagement which is coming SOON (god help me), has the ring “taken care of” told his mom that he is gonna marry me and have kids with me (he never tells her anything really). He told me he started thinking about it and realized that there was never gonna be a time when things were perfect and that being my husband didn’t mean changing who he was. He thought he would have to give up a lot but I explained to him that actually it would free us both because we wouldn’t feel as insecure and unstable. I also told him that I see us as a 50/50 team and I will support his dreams as much as he does mine. I didn’t want an expense ring or a fancy wedding, just something romantic and thoughtful. Something that shows love. Consider giving him some more specifics. At first it will feel freaky and he may pull away a bit but in the long run he will see that you know your value and you don’t leave everything to the guy. This is our life too ladies and we deserve to be privy as well. Not just sitting and waiting. Take a chance on yourself and have FAITH that you are worth it.

Post # 12
Member
1280 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Oh good. There is never anything wrong with saying what you want and need and hearing his side too. Make sure to tell him that a long (be specific or you’ll end up in limbo again) engagement and an affordable ring are completely cool with you. And give him at least 6 months from the “talk” to think about it. Don’t mention it again once you’ve said your piece and make sure to emphasize that you love him and understand if he just can’t meet your needs but you need to know. Let me know how it goes.

Post # 13
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

The fact that you two have looked at rings and you are very clear with what you want is a good sign – just try to lay off on the wedding talk as much as you can – the boys want to surprise us girls and feel as if it is all their idea! Good luck!

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