Post # 1
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee
I will try to be as succinct as possible. I live in Dallas (where I did my undergrad). Dallas has been good to me–but it’s not a permanent option. NEVER has been. EVER. Right now I’m in NYC auditioning for MFA programs. I have been up-front with every person that has crossed my path about how I feel about living in Dallas permanently. Actually—I was supposed to move away almost a year ago. I’m only still there because of SO.
I am blessed to have a good relationship with SOs mother. But, bees, I swear to god, she is driving me bat-shit insane right now. She does not understand why I couldn’t just be happy and have a career in Dallas. Here’s the thing–aside from her wanting me to just be her personal grand-baby factory–she INSISTS that SO cannot ever leave Dallas. EVER. Why? Because his grandfather controls him with money. Namely an inheritance. She is absolutely convinced that whatever inheritance he gets there will be strings attached that will make impossible for him to ever skip town (property is involved).
ONE–her thinking is irrational. She has no idea what’s in that old mans mind. No one does. Who knows what he’ll do. TWO–I don’t give a shit (and I’ll tell you why in #3). THREE–My parents have controlled me with money since I was about 15. It’s shitty. It’s possessive. I won’t take part in it. Imagine along the lines of–“If you don’t do this and this and this we will cut you off!” “If you piss us off in any way we will cut you off! You’ll starve!” Yes, bees, since I was in HIGH SCHOOL. It’s hugely personal and I WILL NOT let anyone ever control me in that way again. I’ve been abused enough, and I won’t stand for it. I cannot be bought. Not by anyone. Not for any price.
Which brings us back to the grad school issue. “Can’t you go to school in Dallas?”
I have already explained to her why not.
Ugh. Vent over.
Post # 3
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
I am sorry, but have you mentioned in another topic that you are converting into Judaism? Is it because of him (and his family) is jewish?
Post # 4
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
That right, I remember your post. So, your Mother-In-Law is Jewish? Its a stereotype to say that Jewish MILs sink their fingernails in their sons and make sure they have lots and lots of kids, so i wont go there as it will not really help your case..but what I think you should do is what you want and not ever give 2 s*its! Or you could remind her that you are taking a HUGE step by converting to Judaism for her son and that should please her enough.
You did say in another post that your father is going to disown you for becoming a jew after marriage.. so if you dont have him, and your FI’s parents wont have you, the hell with it. Youve built a good life for yourself. You dont need anyone. Dont listen to your dads ignorance or your MIL’s selfishness!
I hate when people say “when you marry someone you marry the whole family”. screw that.. that was probably coined by a mother in law.
Do want you want! Good luck!
Post # 5
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
It’s true about most jewish families that their ties are very strong and that the woman is playing bigger role in family than man. (granma, mom, than You) Did you say he is a reform jew? In that case it might not be THAT bad…If his family was orthodox, you would hardly be accepted even after giur. I knew an orthodox jewish dude, he was about 41 or so, and his parents totally controlled him because they shared their business with him, he seemed pathetic to me…
Post # 6
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
Well that sucks. Yeah, I’d think converting your religion would be enough, but not for a stereotypical jewish mom when it comes to her baby boy. 😉 I hope your Fiance has one hell of a backbone because you guys are gonna be in for a lifetime struggle with mamabear.
Post # 7
Member
2742 posts
Sugar bee
Well, as long as you and your fiance stay on the same page, you are good to go. Sorry she is being overbearing.
Post # 8
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee
YES–Jews! And yes, I’m converting. That’s been a whole ‘nother thing. Totally my decision. But, damn, expectations come with that decision. Jesus Christ!
Also–SO is WELL aware of his moms behavior. He chides her all the time for it. Does that stop her? Of course not! ::sigh::
