(Closed) SO furious…

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

So sorry! Your friend sounds really self-involved and immature! How terrible that you have to deal with this situation so close to your wedding day. Hopefully she’ll snap out of it and pull her head out of her bum before your big day, but if she persists in leaving your wedding early, just try to let it go and have a blast without her.

Post # 4
Member
1067 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Awww Super hug!!!! I’m sorry your Maid/Matron of Honor is acting this way, maybe she is jealous? That’s really not fair of her. You know what though don’t let her even put a damper on your day. Your wedding will be beautiful, it is unfortunate she is acting this way, but again do not let her spoil your day even a lil bit!

Post # 5
Member
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Wow – if that happened to me, I would tell her that she can compromise by not bothering to add my wedding to her already packed social schedule.

But, if you want her to stay your friend, that’s probably not the best way to go. I guess if all her “duties” (toasts, assisting with a money dance, etc.) are done, there’s no reason she shouldn’t be able to leave. But, as a good friend (and MOH) she shouldn’t WANT to leave early.

Post # 6
Member
1250 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Wait…so she’s leaving your wedding to go hang out with her ex boyfriend? I don’t understand that at ALL. I’m so sorry you have to deal with that.

Have you tried just calling her up and leveling with her and kind of explaining your side, and how important it is to you to have her there with you? 

Post # 7
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

HUGGSSSSS***!!!!

i cannot believe your friend… YOUR MOH!?!?! this is your day and your discretion as to what you need help with or don’t need help with! she’s supposed to be there for you when you need her, not for what she wants to be there for!

and of all days, on your wedding day she wants to leave early…?! for her EX?!…

UNBELIEVABLE how selfish some ppl are!

Post # 8
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@Future…if you want to keep the peace…Goldilocks’ suggestion is the way to go. If not…I wouln’t even have her come personally. The fact that she is willing to ditch your wedding early for an EX is just ridiculous to me.

Post # 9
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Honestly? If this were someone in my wedding party, I’d tell them it’s all or nothing. They have to attend the entire event, or they can step down. And I would phrase it like that: “THEY can step down” because it’s their choice, and you’re not kicking them out. If she doesn’t end up being in the wedding, it was her own fault.

Attending the entire reception is like the most basic obligation of a wedding party member. It’s inexcusable, in my opinion.

I’m just so sorry.

ETA: I was also the kind of bride who didn’t expect much from my wedding party. I let them pick whatever dress they wanted, whatever shoes they wanted, didn’t require hair/make-up get done professionally, paid for their hotel rooms, etc. But yeah, attending the ceremony and reception was mandatory 🙂

Post # 10
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I seriously would say to her “don’t bother coming”. There is nothing more insulting than a person who thinks they can make you beg.

Post # 11
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Oh gosh! It is frustrating but you can only bring water to a thirsty horse. After that, it is up to the horse to drink it.  If you can’t persuade her to stay, let it be…and enjoy your wedding day w/ or without her! When all the wedding festivities have died down, perhaps it’s time to rethink if you really need this drama in your life, too?  Who needs a fair weather friend?

Post # 12
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

All I can say is WOW! I totally understand how you’re feeling. It is one of the biggest days of your life and she should be there. I hope in the end she can see that.  HUGE HUGE ***HUGS****

Post # 13
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Ugh…I’m so sorry for you! It really sounds as if she’s just not interested in anything you have to say regarding this. Let her leave early. This is your day, and you don’t need her stressing you out.

Post # 14
Member
2463 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

“compromise” my butt! it’s your (and your fi’s) day, you aren’t asking anything unreasonable of her and she should be there and be supporting you. it sounds like she’s been really self-involved and unsupportive throughout, as you said she didn’t agree with your planning before you had a ring. ugh, i’d be so mad

sorry you’re having to deal with this so close to your big day!

Post # 15
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I understand your frustration… If she’s your Maid/Matron of Honor, she’s important to you and you’d like her to be there to share these moments. She’s making a poor decision right now…

But, that being said, your day will be a joyous occasion, whether she leaves early or not. You’ll be with your husband, partying with him, your other friends and family and she’ll be the one missing out. She’ll be the one regretting she wasn’t there when she hears stories, looks at pictures, etc.

Maybe you’ll need to have a talk with her. Maybe she doesn’t value your friendship as much as you do? I don’t know… but don’t let that issue overshadow your wedding because really, they’re two different things. You WILL have a very nice wedding.

She’s probably just acting out on the fact that you don’t want her ex there, but this would be immature…I hope she realizes she’s making a bad choice before it’s too late…

Post # 16
Member
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Well, I think this is basically a passive aggressive protest at her not being allowed to bring the ex to the wedding. Obviously there’s no reason you’d need to leave early to be with an EX – not even a current SO!

At this point she’s mad at you for not letting her choose her own date, and you’re mad at her for outrageously saying she will leave early. I think your choices are basically ask her to step down or let it go, unfortunately. 

I’m not defending her actions, but I will say I have some friends who would react the same way if I ‘vetoed’ their guest. Hopefully not my Maid/Matron of Honor, but I know some of my friends would. Maybe you could say, hey, I’d love to have you there as a guest, but the Maid/Matron of Honor really should be around the entire time?

 

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