(Closed) So fustrated-update from post yesterday

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think I understand where your Darling Husband is coming from. Your situation reminds me of my stupid issue with my Future Father-In-Law. He is an ass to put it plain and simple. I have been the ONLY person in FI’s ENTIRE family who has shown him any respect. Future Mother-In-Law left him because she was being physically and mentally abused. The other kids, after growing up have left him as well for the same reason. (They were being physically abused.) I could go on and onnnnnn about his wrongdoings.

Anyway, once Future Father-In-Law called me and I didn’t answer the phone. He called Fiance and complained to him that I do not show him any respect and he hates that about me. WTF?!?!

That totally pissed Fiance off. I, on the other hand, tried to play it cool like “no big deal”, “that’s the way he is”, etc.

But Fiance then got pissed at ME!!! Which is what your Darling Husband is doing with you. FI’s reason was (which he oozed out MUCH LATER after we had huge blow outs), that he absolutely HATED the way his father was treating me or thinking of me. He said he knows how politely I speak to his father.

FI lashed out at me because he REALLY wanted to see me feel hurt. Sounds twisted? That’s what I thought too. Sure they were hurt, I was just hiding them so FI’s feelings are not hurt seeing me being hurt. But Fiance said he really didn’t want me to pretend the way I was. He wanted me to get angry and say and do all the things people do when they are angry. He wanted my hurt to be let out. He couldn’t bear the thought of me having taken so much trouble for his dad (if I start listing all the times I bent over backwards to help this stupid guy, it will take forever!) and get a proverbial slap in return.

He dislikes his father for all the bad things he has done in the past. Fiance is the only one of the children who believes he can change his father and make him see the light. (Yea right!) and when Future Father-In-Law does stupid things like that, Fiance feels like he somehow failed to help his father. And since he blames himself, he should be punished by my anger and resentment.

 

Post # 4
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@Sasha2011: FI lashed out at me because he REALLY wanted to see me feel hurt. Sounds twisted? That’s what I thought too.

 

So my husband and I have been having some huge disagreements about the way his family treats him and i am (like you FI) WAY more upset about it then him, almost irrationaly and Darling Husband, nothing, he is always polite and explain excuses away for his familys behaviour…it drives me NUTS. So i can see where your Fiance is coming from. I know he doesnt want to see you hurt, just like i dont want to see my Darling Husband hurt…i think its more of a “we are on the same page right” “im not being rediculous right??!!” I dont know…just my thought.

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