(Closed) SO hates when I spend money on him, but it is his bday!

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think that sounds like a really lovely day for him, but have you discussed this with him? In the beginning of my relationship with Fiance, we also didn’t spend much on each other (because we’re very, very budget conscious) and it was mostly homemade gifts and planned activities. Maybe you should talk to him beforehand and let him know how much you’re planning to spend and why you want to spend it, and that it does not have to be reciprocated on your birthday by any means. That way, he won’t get upset or uncomfortable on his bday, hopefully.

Post # 4
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

If he’s uncomfortable, maybe skip the watch? Everything else sounds great!

Post # 5
1211 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I have an SO like this and from experience, I’ll tell you that keeping it small is probably better.

A few years ago, I decorate my SO’s car at midnight with balloons and a sign and put little gifts throughout the whole car. I cooked him dinner that night and bought him an expensive present. Let’s just say he wasn’t too happy with me! Those kinds of things make him super uncomfortable. 

I would try and tone down what you have planned. I know you’re doing it out of love–believe me, I understand–but it’s his birthday and should be suited to what makes him most comfortable. I’d either skip the massages or the watch. 

My SO’s birthday is coming up, too, and I’m planning to keep it fairly simple. I told him I’d go to the store with him on the day and pitch in some money for a bike that he wants to buy and then that night, I’m providing wings and beer for he and his friends to hang out at the house. No cake, no balloons, no crazy haha :p 

Post # 6
4948 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

You sound very sweet…it sounds perfect!

Post # 7
3769 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

Personally the only thing I’d worry about is the massages being a “luxury”, but if he is into spa stuff it then why not!  I think only you can know the degree to which your boyfriend is uncomfortable with attention/gifts/whatever, but I think overall it sounds like a great day, and nicely planned out!

Post # 8
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

My SO is like this too… doesn’t like attention drawn to himself, but he’ll lather it on for me! Makes me a little upset that I can’t do anything “cool” for his birthday, christmas, valentine….

Post # 9
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

If your fiance SO doesn’t enjoy being showered with gifts, you may have too much planned for him. The thought is wonderful, don’t get me wrong, but if he doesn’t like it, then it’s not money well spent. 

I’d cut back a bit on the massages  and drop the watch, and take the money you’d spend on those and put them in the bank. Then do the one massage, dinner and cake, and let him know that you’d come in under budget (don’t tell him by how much though) and put the remainder in savings. You can start a tradition of “under-gifting” and saving up the leftover money for something big a little later on, maybe a vacation or new TV or so forth. Do the same for christmas, and encourage him to “under-gift” you too, and you’ll be surprised how fast it adds up to something very wonderful for the both of you.

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