(Closed) So He is Getting Married

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
2671 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I think what’s really going on here is deep down you want the opportunity to tell her things she may not know about him so she can reconsider marrying him, it would certainly be karma-tastic if she decided to leave him, while slightly malicious towards him I don’t think it’s anything he doesn’t deserve, though if she kept seeing him once she knew about you I’m not sure she deserves the heads-up.

Post # 19
Member
799 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Personally I’d want to meet the women who plays a mother role to my child when he is with his father. She’s not a bad person to your son I suppose because you would have known that by now. I have no bio kids of my own. But I am a SM to a 6 year old boy. It would be weird to me if his mother didn’t want to meet me. I share responsibility with my husband for him when he is with us.

Post # 20
Member
5878 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

armychica06 :  Yes, it is obviously weird that you have never met your son’s step mother.  

If you didn’t have a child or had only grown children together, then it would be a different story.  She is part of your co-parenting group now and you all need to be able to work together.  

However, from your posts here, you really don’t sound over it.  Your ex may have picked up on that, thus him trying to keep you two apart.  Not that he’s right, but I can see this not going well.

Post # 21
Member
1336 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Painswick Church and the Falcon Hotel

If they do it with you they will do it to you. I wouldn’t want to meet her 

Post # 22
Member
6835 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

armychica06 :  From your posts it sounds like this woman is probably scared of you. You contacted her years ago about how she was breaking out your family and wanted to “hash this out.” What does that mean? It sounds like you wanted to confront her about sleeping with your husband. I’m not surprised she never wanted to meet you. 

Post # 23
Member
4691 posts
Honey bee

Your most recent posts make you sound very petty and not over it.  If he tried to introduce her now  you would refuse?  Really?  If you’re over the actual incident that brought them together, then why wouldn’t you take the high road and meet the person who will have a role in parenting your child?  And calling her unattractive and making assumptions about her self-esteem?  Really?  Maybe you would want to meet the wife of someone you inadvertently assisted with in cheating on their spouse, but that doesn’t mean everyone would have the same reaction.  Maybe she was embarassed, maybe she didn’t want to be involved in the drama of the break-up of his marriage (especially if you were contacting her – that just sounds like a Dateline NBC special in the making), maybe she just wasn’t interested in meeting you, maybe she was busy with her own life and just didn’t care that much at the time.  But making comments like that about her is low and makes you sound petty.  Your ex is the villain in this story and the one who broke up your marriage by not choosing you – she just got involved with a loser and decided to keep sticking around after finding out, which is her cross to bear. 

Obviously, it would be best if everyone could be amicable for the sake of your son.  I personally would want to know who my child is around when I’m not there and would work very hard to have an amicable relationship and make sure we’re on the same page when it comes to my child, regardless of my personal feelings about the person.  However, plenty of people have contentious divorces and spend as little time around each other and take great measures to keep their lives separate, even with kids involved.  So long as you and your ex are on the same page about the parenting of your child and communicate with each other about that and the role his new wife will play, that is what is important.  You can choose to be those people and never meet her, but should the opportunity arise and/or they get to a point where they want to reach out to you, I would at least be the bigger person and graciously meet them.  You don’t have to be best friends – just acknowledge each other and the role you each play in the life of your son. 

Post # 24
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

armychica06 :  If you really phrased things the way your OP suggests, then it was certainly phrased in a way in which “the other woman” could have felt threatened. There was nothing in it to suggest you wanted to meet her because you want to have a good relationship with her for the sake of your son. You don’t need to meet for girls nights out but I think being on speaking terms is quite desirable here. 

I also agree with PP, going by your post, you do not sound as if you are over it at all. There is nothing wrong with it if you still hurt, but it is worth putting those feelings aside for the sake of your son.

Post # 25
Member
3090 posts
Sugar bee

No, you do not need to meet her in person. I am a mom and probably would be  a step mom if I marry my man so I am speaking from both sides’ perspective.

Meeting the person your man is marrying solves NOTHING. If you ever have an issue with something your son does or says or is being raised, you address him since he is the parent. How your son is raised is primarily what your ex allows her to do no matter what.  While I understand that you may desire to talk with her (and in some cases, I understand wanting at least that), you already left a phone message asking to meet and she has ignored you. So do not give them the notion that you are pressed and bothered over this. 

If you have a serious issue with something to do with your son, then that is what the court system is for (if it is not resolved with your EX (not the new chick).

Post # 26
Member
10082 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

If he offers to introduce you then, sure, why not? This lady is caring for your kid part time. However, at this point, I wouldn’t go out of my way demanding to meet her but honestly I wouldn’t have allowed my kid over there in the beginning until I met her.

Post # 27
Member
244 posts
Helper bee

armychica06 :  There are two separate issues going on here: 1) your lying, cheating ex is marrying the “home wrecker” and 2) you are co-parenting.  

The first issue is moot at this point, but I’d like to address a few things.  I disagree with you that she could do better.  It’s not every woman who has a poor enough moral fiber to knowingly continue a relationship with a married man.  I don’t care what he told her.  You could be the worst witch in the world, an ethical (and wise) woman would have jumped ship as soon as she found out that he had lied to her.  Yes, forget that he cheated on you, he lied to her, too.  She might be a resident at Weill, but she’s an idiot.  Being a doctor means she has a good memory, not necessarily any personal depth.

A lot of PPs are commenting that you’re not over it.  I say, of course you’re not over it.  It’s not everyday that you get so betrayed.  What kind of slime cheats on his new bride five days after the wedding???? That level of asshole stays with you forever.  That’s okay.  You have every right to be angry.  But your anger hasn’t prevented you from moving on and finding happiness.  I say good for you!

As to the second and more important issue, parenting your son, I think it’s critical that you meet his future step-mother.  I am surprised that anyone would be okay with not knowing who was looking after her son.  Maybe you can all arrange an adult therapy session where you can discuss how you will handle co-parenting?  If not, my advice is to interact with both her and your ex with only your child’s well-being in mind.  Be nice, cordial, discuss whatever needs your son has, how the visit went, etc. and then go home and take a long shower.

 

Post # 28
Member
1909 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I’d want to meet her because of the fact that she’ll be interacting with your child. To me, that’s like sending a child to a daycare, you’ve never visited. But your comments regarding her being unattractive and desperate aren’t conducive to having a cordial relationship.

Post # 29
Member
1703 posts
Bumble bee

armychica06 :  

Did you have your child before you got married?

 

Post # 30
Member
2805 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

The only reason (and it’s a damn good one)  you should have to meet this woman is because she is going to (actually she already IS) a part of your child’s life. 

I find this to be so strange. There is no way I would have not met her before she was around my kid. I wouldn’t care what my ex said. If she wasn’t there at pick up/drop off to meet me, then my kid wouldn’t be handed over. Also, what has stopped you from knocking on their door and introducing yourself. 

 This ordeal is very very shitty. I get that you would have some issue with her, but the bigger problem is that you need to be able to co-parent with her, and that involves meeting her, and forming some type of relationship.  You are a big girl, I don’t see where you need permission from your ex.

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