(Closed) So how do I respond???

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Who is her guest?

You could just send her back a message and say, “we really can’t accomodate extra persons, but if somebody declines, i’ll let you know” or something like that.

I don’t think most people think it’s rude to ask if they can bring someone and pay for them…they figure they’d rather have their guest there and if money’s an issue, they probably see it like helping you out.

PS if nobody else gets to bring a guest, let her know it’s not necessarily about the money  (it is a factor though) but also that you can’t really make exceptions for the sake of the rest of the guests.

Post # 5
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

ah, random dates…yeah. i’m not so inclined to be nice about that. unless she was like, flying in from across the country.

Post # 7
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Tell her that it’s not about the money, but that you are looking to have an intimate wedding with just the people you most love and care about, and that you wouldn’t be comfortable having strangers there.  That way, you are buttering her up a bit by making it clear that she is very special to you, while still saying no.  

Post # 8
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Does she know many people who will be there? Maybe that’s why she wants a guest.

It’s still rude. Depending on how close you are, you could go with the suggestion of someone declining then allowing her a guest, but I wouldn’t make any promises (but I only think this is appropriate if she is a very close frient and it would be just to keep the peace). I’d tell her that you can’t let her know for sure until you get your headcount.

 

Post # 10
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

If it was someone close to her like a serious boyfriend or something I think it would be understandable that she pay for it or even if someone can’t come so there is an extra space for him then it would be fine.  But if it is just a guy or any random date that she feels the need to bring to your wedding, I would find it unnecessary.

Post # 11
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

That’s so rude and I agree with you telling her no. When you break it down, it’s more than just food/drink per person, it’s also chairs and tables, staff, table settings, centerpieces, linens, etc and people dont realize that. I would politely be firm and tell her no but make sure that when you do the seating chart, that she is next to someone or at a table with people that she knows.

Post # 12
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

i think if you explain to her why her suggestion is not feasible, she should understand…

Post # 13
Member
202 posts
Helper bee

Just lay out the honest reasons why you can’t let her (money, and no one else is allowed a plus one) and she should understand.  Explain how important it is for her to be there with you on the day.  Is it possible that she could bring her date after the dinner/cake part – for the dancing? Maybe that is a compromise that you can accomodate for everyone if they so choose (depending on your reception site, of course).

Post # 14
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

I think you had a good response, that if you cave to her, others might feel resentful.  “If I do it for you, I have to do it for everybody.”

On the other hand, she doesn’t know anyone???  Is she introverted?  Being social can be hard for some people.  I’m kind of on the fence between introverted and extroverted.  And no offense at all….but if I was invited to a wedding, (with no guest) and didn’t know anyone, I’d probably decline.  It sounds too awkward.

Post # 15
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree with Bride Megan. Be open and honest and maybe her plus one can come later? After dinner? Still a little akward though.

 

Post # 16
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I can kind of see how it would be weird for her if she only knows you and is kind of shy. Especially since you’ll be busy greeting guests and whatnot.

I totally understand about not wanting to make an exception for her but I guess it would depend on how much YOU want her to be there.

She might not want to come if she’s not going to know anyone – which is fine and her decision. But if you really would like for her to be there – then maybe you should bend a little on this one. Plus I doubt you’d run into a problem with people noticing she had a guest – since you said she doesn’t know many people no one would know that the guy was a guest.

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