Post # 1
So I went dress shopping with my mom and some of my bridesmaids back in July. It was only my second time dress shopping and I ended up picking a dress that day that I felt kind of pressured into by the salesperson (I’m really terrible at holding my own against salespeople…and everyone I took with me liked my dress, but it wasn’t my mom’s favorite). Anyway, my mom purchased the dress for me for $750. About 3 days later I had a huge freak-out about that dress and tried to call the bridal salon to see if it could be canceled, and of course, they said they had ordered it immediately so there was no way to cancel (but I didn’t tell my mom about the freakout).
So I just figured I’d try to alter my dress to make it more what I was looking for and suck it up (I wanted to add cap sleeves and a beaded belt). BUT then my fiance saw a similar gown with ruching and said it looked like a mummy…ugh. So basically I felt like I didn’t really like the dress anymore, and my fiance wasn’t going to like it either. I was particularly regretting not getting lace which I love. Then I heard about a sample sale at a bridal salon near where I live, and I decided to go and see if there was anything I could get, and I found a beautiful Watters sample dress (Watters & Watters is my favorite semi-affordable designer btw) for….$25!!! It also cost $50 to clean it since it was a sample, but total: $75! That’s insane. Obviously, I bought it. However, I would still need to alter it to add a sweetheart neckline and add a sash which will cost more money.
But how do I tell my mom she just completely wasted $750?? And how do I tell her that I picked a dress without her even being there?
Here are the dresses, in case you were wondering (I don’t have a pic of me in the new dress, but for future reference, it’s Ivory, not white, as shown here). Also, they told me I couldn’t add a sweetheart neckline to my old dress which is what I really want:
New Dress (but in ivory, adding a sweetheart neckline & a sash:
Post # 3
Don’t tell her until you sell the one she bought you so you can give her some money back when you do tell her.
Post # 4
If you are adult enough to be married, you are adult enough to talk with your mom. Tell her about the new dress, tell her you plan to sell the other dress and repay her.
Post # 5
I think you could have added a sash and a sweetheart neckline to the first one, they are very similar. I guess you have no choice but to talk to her and let her know!
Post # 6
I agree with julies. Don’t go behind her back and sell the dress she bought you without even telling her! Talk to her about your decision, show her your new one explaining that you had to buy it on the spot since it was a sample sale and only $25, ask her opinion too (she might even love it more than the first since you said that wasnt her favorite) and explain your plan repay her by selling the dress she bought.
Post # 7
@Ladyjenn: The salon said they could not add a sweetheart neckline to the first one:(
@missbitsnpieces: I’m just concerned that I’m not going to be able to sell the first dress. It seems like a lot of dresses don’t get sold, and I would want to talk with my mom before selling it of course.
@julies1949: um, wow. Sorry for feeling terrible that that my mom wasted her money for me, and hoping for advice on how to best talk to her about it. It’s my understanding that that’s what weddingbee is for. I don’t appreciate essentially being called a child.
@pinkshoes: oh I wouldn’t sell it without talking to her. I just feel awful that I want to wear my new dress, and my mom is so practical she’s not going to be happy she paid so much money for a dress I’m not going to wear.
Thanks for all your advice, ladies.
Post # 8
First, I would definitely tell your mom what happened. Be aware of her feelings and reassure her that you intend to pay her back all of the money, not just some….she may decide to pay you for your new dress, but that should be her choice.
Honestly, I don’t think it will be a big deal. I’m sure she just wants you to be comfortable with your wedding dress and she may end up liking the new dress better (since you said she wan’t in love with the first one to begin with). And I ladyjenn…the dresses look VERY similar. I had to look closely to pick out the differences.
Post # 9
Just dont tell her. Maybe she will have forgotten by the time your wedding comes. 🙂 The dresses are very similar and you tried on a lot of dresses so it is easy to get confused.
Okay dont actually do that. But maybe you can do some bridal portraits with the dress your mom bought so she can see it on you. You will have those photos forever.
Post # 10
@tseay: Thanks, I hope it won’t be a big deal. They actually look very different in person. The new dress is a completely different color than in the picture, and with the alterations I will be making to the new dress (that I can’t make to the first one), it’s actually a very different look. Thanks for the help!
Post # 11
@mrscandy: bridal portraits is a great idea. And the pictures really don’t show how different these dresses look from each other. They are the same silhouette though. Thanks for the advice!
Post # 12
@whiteorchid:Sorry you took my comments the wrong way. I said if you were adult enough to get married (which you are) you are adult enough to talk with her.
I have always found that direct communication gives the best results. The sooner you talk with your mom the less likely she is to hear about it from someone else and be more upset.
You don’t have to feel terrible that your mom wasted her money.You can always pay your mom back, then sell the first dress to recover your own money.
Post # 13
i admit my first reaction was what the first comment said – tell her after you the sell old one. then after reading the comments and thinking some more, i realized that would be a bad idea. its best to talk to her first. maybe you could start the conversation by saying that you have been having dress regret since you got the first one, but felt bad about it because she had so generous to pay for it. and even tell her about what your Fiance said etc. and explain how you felt pressured by the salesperson and bought it rather impulsively….basically explain your thought process about what led up to getting the new one. i don;t know your mom, but hopefully after hearing all that she would be understanding of how this happened. hopefully she just wants you to be as happy as possible on your wedding.
also tell her you will sell the dress eventually. even if you leave it advertised for months, eventually it will sell. you definitely cannot get all your money back. i think the rule of thumb is sell it with a 25% discount, so if you advertise for $550 or $575, you should be able to sell it! i did that with my first dress. i paid $1600 and sold it $1200. and because the second one was so cheap, in the end she will be getting most of her money back, so how is that not a good thing?! i would even offer to pay the difference yourself of what she doesn’t get back (my guess is she wont take it though)
Post # 14
@Sassy5412: Yeah I wrote my first reaction but I also think your answer is probably best!
Post # 15
Before speaking with your mom, write a list of things that were wrong with the first dress, a list of all the things that are right with the new dress and options for what can done about paying her back for the first dress.
Post # 16
I think if you had stuck to the old dress your fiance would have loved it when he actually saw you in it on your wedding day. Have you considered wearing both dresses? I honestly actually like the first one more, you could wear one for the ceremony and change the other one.