(Closed) So how do you respond when a guest asks…

posted 8 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
1897 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I wouldn’t address the details of it… I would listen to someone tell me how inconvienent it is for them and then I would say “oh yes, I can see how that might be difficult to sechdule for.  Unfortinuately it’s already been planned that both the ceremony and reception are appropriate only for adults.  I hope you and your husband will still be able to join us!”

The end!  

Post # 4
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I would probably let the kids come to the ceremony but my only concern with that…is that they might try to bring them to the reception afterward. So long as they understand the child can’t come to the reception, I’d be ok. Tough call, though.



Post # 5
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Exactly if I was asked that I would just acknowledge the inconvienence that is poses…..but wouldnt it be more of an inconvience to dress the kids for a wedding bring them with u…deal with them running/screaming ( i am a mother of 4 i dont think i would ever bring kids to a ceremony other then mine!) and then bring them back home and turn around and drive back to the reception.  That hassle alone sounds like its worth the extra 2 hours pay!  I look forward to an excuse to have an extended period of time out! Plus the reailty is that some parents DO NOT watch their kids like others do….doesnt mean they are bad people but you dont their kids stealing the attention!

Post # 6
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

Well you didn’t exactly say “Adult Event” you said “Adult Reception” so I can understand why people would want to bring their kids.  It’s also fairly expensive to have a sitter for a long time, so I can understand why they would want to save some money by bringing them to the ceremony.

I suppose if you were really worried that the kids are going to somehow ruin your ceremony, that you could have special seating designated in the back for the families bringing children.  Then you could explain to them that you will have special seating so that if their children are too uncomfortable to sit quietly for the entire ceremony, they’ll be able to get up without being seen in the video.

I know that every “No kids” bride is worried that mothers will come with their kids and the kids will ruin the ceremony by crying or yelling or whatever, but that is what your ushers are for, to ask these mothers if they could step out until their child is quiet.  And most mothers wouldn’t stay anyway, when your kid starts acting up, you walk out.  We had some young and very tenacious children at my wedding, and despite my fears that they would be bored to death, they managed to sit for the 30 minute ceremony with no problems.

Maybe just be honest with the parents who are asking.  Tell them you are paying a lot for your wedding video and you are concerned about children acting out at the ceremony, causing your videographer to cut part of it out.  Ask them if their children can behave for that long, and what they will do if they start to scream or cry.  I’m sure if you’re upfront about your fears that they will either decide not to risk it (if their kids are mischevious) or they’ll assure you that their children will behave and at least they know that they will have to leave if they do start to act up.

Post # 7
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

It really is a big burden on your guests to get a babysitter that long.  Think about it.  If your ceremony is from 3-4, and then cocktail hour/reception from 6-11 they need a sitter from 2:30 in the afternoon until 11:30 pm.  That is almost 9 hours of sitting and at around $10/hr thats almost $100!!!!  

I can completely understand why they would want to bring the kids to the ceremony so they can save some money.  

However, I also see your point that you don’t want to listen to crying kids throughout your ceremony.  Maybe you can try to explain your concerns and make sure they know kids are ok at the ceremony as long as the parents are willing to sit in the back and escort the kids out if needed.  

Post # 8
16194 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I agree with VirginiaMarie to be polite but stern.

Post # 9
1067 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I like how VirginiaMarie put it, it’s your wedding and your rules.

Post # 10
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

It depends on how important it is to you.

I tend to look at it like caszos, that’s a really long time for a sitter. If you think you can bear it (and maybe that the number of kids will at least be diminished by the fact that the reception is explicitly adult only), I would. But, if you’re really worried, definitely speak up, saying you understand the burden but you have some concerns and were hoping to keep the ceremony adult only as well.

Post # 11
2820 posts
Sugar bee

How many people have asked?

It is your wedding but I can see how depending on your choice you could make it more convenient for guests.

Post # 12
7152 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree with the way you worded it. You only said “Adult Reception” not the entire event. You can’t leave things up to chance for things like this.

Post # 13
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Personally, I think that since you said “adults only reception”, you might end up with some kids at your ceremony anyways (belonging to parents who assumed they’d be invited), so this mom might be irked at seeing that. On the other hand, I think it’s totally fine if you tell her no. If she decides it’s too much of a hassle to have 2-3 extra hours of babysitting, then fine, it’s her choice. (She COULD always leave the reception sooner, if she’s that worried about cost.)

As an alternative, I like the suggestion of having special seating at the back of the ceremony site. And let any parents know (or have the ushers let them know when seating them) that if their child acts up, they are to remove them ASAP (in a nice way, LOL). Because I know that while most people would try to sneak out with a fussing child, some parents will try to ignore it, or to console the babe without leaving & bringing attention to themselves, which isn’t what you want!

Post # 14
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

As far as how to handle it I agree with Virginamarie. It is your day. As far as people saying its a burden to them to find a babysitter, wow. I’m sure there are other events in life that pop up where yes you may need to hire someone for a long time but ultimately its your choice to go or not. If I was in this situation and it was my wedding, really I wouldn’t be planning around everyone. If its such a burden please free to decline, I would understand! As I think anyone would.

Post # 15
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

It also depends on how well behaved their children tend to be

Post # 16
990 posts
Busy bee

kids at the ceremony I think should be ok, but I would ask an usher to keep a look out for fussy kids and have them ask the parents to escort the fussy children outside. you are paying for a videographer, so you dont want background noise of a kid crying or talking loud during your ceremony.

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