- 4 years ago
My dearest bee’s,
Ive seen lots of posts on waiting so id like to post my story and see what you all make of it,
Met the man of my absolute dreams after coming out of a bad relationship, coming up to 3years ago, I fell completely for him, and hard to, and he did the same, hes 31 im 27, id never met anyone like him, he plays in a band and I just love everything about him, bout 18months in watchin tv one night, someone was getting married and having previously been there I never thought I’d go there again, he said something like if that was me id do this…..I said well when you get married can I be a bridesmaid to just kind of blow off the situation, to which he replied that he hoped id be the bride…..now….my life completely flipped over at that point, suddenly in that small conversation I lost my whole senses and I said yes! He was so happy, I was so happy, everything was beautiful, he had asked, id said yes, my life plans had changed in 10 minutes!
Fast forward to last april, I got some devastating news, i got diagnosed with cervical cancer, treatable, but I was frightened, I needed my man, unfortunately he was playing a gig that day and refused to be with me when i needed him, but I sucked it up and carried on, so ive been going through treatment, mostly alone, but thats ok, I prefer it that way,he got nade redundant and times were hard and one day for what ever reason I asked if it would be ok to get me a ring, somethin small and understated, im not a big fancy ring person, 20quid off esty would’ve done fine, just so I felt like I had somethin to aim at, its hard not knowing if you have tomorrow, he said no, I asked why and of we were ok, he said he had no money for rings, and I know that, but 20quid wouldnt have broken the bank, anyway long and short of it, he didnt mean for me to think we were engaged! He never intended it, ive been such a fool, ive told everyone that we were, when he didnt even ask! Now another year has passed, and we’ve had so many arguments about the whole thing, I feel so hurt by him, he finally came out and said hes not ready for it, infact he doesnt want kids or marriage, and im heartbroken, I dont know what to do, im on my second round of chemo, and it doesnt really look good on my front, and now because of all the arguments hes not even with me, he doesnt want anything with me or anyone else, although we are together everyday he says if he does decide to be with someone it will only be with me, we discussed stuff the other night, I asked him if we did have a relationship again what am I allowed to want and asked for, so theres guidlines so that I know what is acceptable to him or not, I asked if I had to give up kids and marriage would he give up his band for me, its not that I dont like them, they get in the way right now when I need him, he said no, that he thinks he should be able to have band and a relationship with me, I dont think this is fair, but ive told him ill not make him choose as I know how much it means to him, so now im at a loss what to do ladies, im so sad, and confused, im hurt that he doesnt want to make me his wife, im worried that ill die and he will regret it, im worried that if I dont he will still not be ready and ill be wasting tome that ive fought for, and I love him,,I love him so damn much, do I wait? Or walk away? Anyone in any similar situation?