(Closed) So hurt and tired of the “little” lies…Am I overreacting?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 62
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

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@miss sparkly cat: Ok I’m not going to start drama w/ you so nighty night.

Post # 63
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

On the degrading issue, i think its worth highlighting that there are many different types of porn. While some dont degrade women (and some are made for women lets not forget!), unfortunately there are other types of porn that absolutely degrade women – violent porn etc. 

For me, this has been an HUGE issue in our relationship as my Fiance became addicted and it completely changed his personality and the way he interacted within our relationship. I am not naive i know this is something he will struggle with forever, but i’m proud to say he has not watched anything for nearly a year and as a result our relationship is the best its ever been.Therefore it is possible.

Personally i think that if either partner knows the other is uncomfortable (even before addiction stage) then they should stop doing it. I see it like this, if your partner counts it as cheating in some way then in your relationship it is cheating and will absolutely casue problems. If your partner does not have this view, then its not so bad. Its about the individual boundaries of your relationship and each partner respecting those and the other person.

Whether or not you agree/dont agree with porn itself, personally i think the issue here is that you (OP) are not comfortable with his lying about it, therefore he should stop lying. The fact that he is lying about it worries me a bit, is he ashamed of it rather than simply embarrassed? Often that can be a sign of porn being more than a recreational activity. Do you know what sort of porn he’s watching?

Post # 64
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

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@mrsbacon: Even though your opinion and thoughts are different then my own, I respect what you had to say and I think you have very valid points and gave good advice to the OP. I second what you have to say that if it’s a problem for one person in the relationship then it shouldn’t be happening unless both parties are ok with the particular activity.

 

Post # 68
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

WWJD ladies!!

=)

Post # 69
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Who wants jelly donuts?

Post # 70
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2011

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@mwitter80: I agree. He’s an adult and you can’t control him. Looking at Porn is perfectly normal and most people (guys and gals) that I know have viewed it at one point in time. Some couples watch it together-some on their own. As long as he’s not strinking his responsibilities then I think it’s fine. Your restriction of it will only make him work better to hide it from you.

Post # 71
Member
82 posts
Worker bee

Are you his F1 or his mother ? Just saying ! Shaming a person into telling you when they pleasure themself and telling them they can not do this without advising you they are about to embark upon a happy place and moment is only going to lead to sexual problems later down the line with your “man”.

Maybe he’s trying to learn a few new moves, tricks, surprises for you !  And hell, any day a man picks porn over cheating on a woman, well, I’m gonna be cheering him on ! He lied because you are treatiung him like a child is the bottom line.

Ohhhhh and for the record, I’m thinking I better go to confession heheheheh cause I actually gave my ex bf some new sites to check out while he was traveling lol

Post # 73
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Augh. Posts like this make me sad… but not as sad as some of the responses.

Have we really gone so far away from self respect that we think it’s -okay- for our husbands or future husbands to view filth like pornography? Maybe I’m old fashioned, but not only would I not be okay with it, but I would be furious about it. My husband is mine and mine alone… and it should go both ways. He shouldn’t -need- to look at anyone else… ever. Plain and simple. He should love me enough that he doesn’t even want to look at it.

Pornography is a parasite… You let it in and it will infect your home and your relationship.

 

If he’s looking at it because you’re not around, he needs a lesson in self control – You have every right to be upset, but I wouldn’t encourage you to even allow it when you -are- there. Seriously… have enough respect for yourself, and let him know that he needs to respect you, too.

Post # 74
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@erinleigh1: And posts like yours make me laugh.

Not to mention you just insulted like 90% of the women who posted on this thread.

Post # 75
Member
3774 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

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@erinleigh1:  This is how I feel about it too, but apparently we are out of touch because a lot of these women are ok with it.  This is what I know, I am married to an amazing christian man who honors me by his actions.  We live by God’s standards, and my Bible says that if a man lusts after another woman with his eyes then he has committed adultry.  I am not even trying to turn this into a religious arguement, I just wanted to point to my reasoning.  I know my husband doesn’t look at porn because of who he is and what he stands for.

Post # 76
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

Why does he have to watch it with you.. IF your okay with it who cares.? Thats what he does on his own time. I wouldnt make a big deal about it, I think he is going to be more defensive and not tell you and lie to you if you ask about it.. bc he thinks your going to be mad.. which your shoudnt be. Yes it was wrong of him to lie, but I just think there are some underlying issues.. If your okay with it you wouldnt care if he watched it nor would you ask him about it. And why should he only do it when your around.. I can see if you want to watch it with him or whatever but honestly this isnt something to fight over.. pick your battles. I personally wouldnt want my husband, Fiance or SO to be viewing porn I think its disgusting!! But you are the one that said it was okay in the first place so this kinda falls back on you.. You should have when you found out put your foot down and said no this is not acceptable.. not you have to do it around me.. And I can almost guarentee this will cause issues with your relationship

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