(Closed) So hurt by fiancé

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Ashleycdg:  It really sounds like he is dragging his feet on this one. I mean, he is your fiance and he won’t let you drive his truck one time? And THAT leads him to want to postpone the wedding? Seriously talk to him about it, and if he can’t have a discussion with you about why he’s acting this way, without blowing up and threatening to postpone the wedding (which is what he’s doing) then put it off for your own sake. <3

Post # 4
Member
1306 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

It seems to me that his problem is the wedding and the truck situation is the scapegoat to gt what he wants (date change). I would have a serious talk with him. If he can’t do that, I would rethink your relationship…

Post # 5
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Hate to say it but I definitely think there’s something more going on with this dude.  Sounds to me like he might not want to get married at all and is picking fights and dragging his feet in a round about way… this isn’t right.    I’d consider calling off the wedding – being out $1000 sucks but being dragged through this process with somone who might not really be interested is much worse.  🙁

Post # 6
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - ceremony at a gazebo outside, reception at neighboring restaurant on a lake

Sorry for the 20 questions: Is this how he has been since day 1?  What is your wedding budget?  Are your parents helping pay or is it all on you and your fiance’s shoulders?  Are you having to take out a loan to pay for it?  Does your dad work in the hospice area, or do you have some serious health issues going on in the family?

I think just considering alone that you have a final in the morning he would let you borrow the truck.  What would have been your other mode of transportation?  Is his truck like his baby…does he hate when anybody drives it?  Have you driven it before?

How long are each of your guest lists?  My fiance’s is about 75, and mine is only 50.  He gets more because his family is HUGE!  But I got to invite about 10 more friends than he did.  We are having just family (immediate, aunts, uncles, first cousins), bridal party, and then my 10 extra friends.  If your list is way longer with friends than his I would say it isn’t fair and he should get to invite more people because it is 50% his wedding…

I know I’m asking a lot of questions, but I wanted to have a complete picture before responding fully. 

Post # 8
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Sooooooo

He realizes that without a prenup after you are married, his money is your money, and it is in his best interest to help you…?

….right?

Post # 9
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - ceremony at a gazebo outside, reception at neighboring restaurant on a lake

I wonder if he is panicking about the cost of the wedding?  My fiance was SHOCKED at the price of things.  He thought that it would cost no more than $300 bucks to rent a big tent and chairs/tables for 125 people.  HAHAHAHAHA!!!!  If this is a case, discussing a budget together may help. 

Remind him that when you send invites out and get back some ‘no’ responses that you can start inviting a B-list person with each no response.  Would that help him?  Take your projected total reception budget and divide it by 150.  Then remind him that each additional person would be that much more.

My fiance flips out about me driving his truck too.  (He especially did after the third time I drove it and scratched the shit out of the side of it hitting an air-conditioning unit in his driveway…ooooppppsiiiiessss!!!!).  It does sound like he is having a little bit of a freak out attack about combining everything.  What’s his is yours and yours is his once you get married.  Are you living together?  Maybe it would help if you try to denote a place in the house that is just his (my fiance has a desk and computer that are just his and it is his space–he really needs his own space too.  He also has sole control over the garage except my birdseed and bike go in there.  He has all of his tools and stuff where he rebuilt his truck engine and welds etc.)  Also try giving him his own time each night or 1 night a week that is alone time.  My fiance and I do about 1 hour of alone time each night.  I didn’t think I needed it, but my fiance does.  After getting that time to myself, I realize I LOVE it!  Maybe things like this will remind him that he will still be his own person even once married.

I’m so sorry to hear about your dad.  I wish I could say/do something to make it better. 

XOXO

Post # 10
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

He sounds like a kid not a man who wants to get married. He at least needs to learn how to argue fairly. Try having the conversation when not in an argument. Then I guess you may find out where you stand. Better to find out before you lose more than 1000 dollars.This must be a hard time for you with your dad being sick and you could use his support.

Post # 11
Member
4432 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Can I ask how old you are?  This sounds very immature.  The realtionship itself sounds like it’s in its immature stages too…I mean don’t get me wrong..some people can fall in love and live happily ever after within 6 months, but it’s not for everyone.

 

Post # 12
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

After reading both your posts. I think this is not the time to be planning a wedding. With your dad very sick I would imagine it is very hard on your family. You need to sit down with your Fiance and talk truthfully and tell him everything your thinking (he can’t read your mind) and same for him. His outbursts are his way of putting up a wall. You got to get him talking. If he thinks you pressured him to propose then he is not ready to settle down. For men it takes a while to process everything. Let him process it or let him go. Like other pp said its better than be out 1000 than have an unhappy marriage. I know this is hard, there is no easy answer to give you. You need to look into your heart and decide what you want. Be happy with yourself and then you can be happy with someone else. I am just going to say the elephant in the room, even though I don’t know you are your full situation. But please dont get married just because you want your dad to be alive when you get married. I know that is a hard one to take. I am truly sorry that your dad is terminally ill. My dad is in the early stages of Kidney failure, prognosis is good for now, but its so scary. I try not to think about it. So I can only imagine what you feel like. Let your Fiance be there for you in this time of need, if of course you still want him there. Wedding planning is stressful alone put it ontop of a family issue and its even tougher. Sorry again about your dad. Stay strong

Post # 13
Member
2031 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m sorry to say this, but your Fiance is acting very immature.  It sounds like he is quite selfish (not paying, asking you to cut your list, not helping or letting you drive his truck) and having temper tantrums and questioning the wedding if everything doesn’t go his way.  You two really need to talk through this, and if you do have to move or cancel the wedding, $1,000 is a lot less money to pay than to think of all of this later when it’s too late.  🙁

Post # 14
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

“The first couple of months we were together everything was wonderful.   Now i think his true colors are starting to show”

Sounds like you guys need to explore and enjoy just dating! Your right about true colors, it takes time to show and also know someone deeply. There is a lot going on in both your lives, and to make a such a big commitment ( marriage) at this time may be a mistake.

 

Post # 15
Member
3693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I think it’w weird he won’t share his vehicle with the person he’s supposed to be marrying, especially since it’s kind of an emergency situation.  DH and I hadn’t been together more than a couple of months before we moved in together, and he gave me a key to his truck.  He even would’ve let me drive his prized classic Mustang if I’d known at the time how to drive a stick.

It sounds like he cares about his stupid truck more than he cares about you.  And if he just won’t share because he’s mad at you about something else, that’s even more screwed up.

Post # 16
Member
299 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

How old are you guys and how long have you been dating?

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