Post # 1
- Wedding: October 2014 - Church
I just need to get this out because I feel so emotionally drained after yesterday (I am not looking for advice).
There is this cute little bridal shop that just opened yesterday and I made an appointment to check out accessories they have (they have some alternative stuff – a lot of vintage feel). In particular I wanted to check out their fabric flower bouquets. So I invited my mom and Maid/Matron of Honor along to go with me, which they did.
I found some accessories that I will probably get once I have the dress.
I was not intending on trying on dresses at all until January since I am currently trying to get my weight in check. I describe the style I really want to try on – that I am so in love with right now and she (my mom) tells me that I should be open-minded because that style just won’t look good. Then my mom says a while later “while we’re here, you might as well try on some dresses”, to which I say okay. So we talk to the girl that had been helping us and she says I can help you get into some or your mom can. I find two dresses I really want to try on and off we go. My mom decides to go into the fitting room to help me, which is when everything goes completely off because I am not comfortable being in just my underwear in front of someone else (and I will also mention that my Maid/Matron of Honor is a guy before anyone asks why I didn’t have my Maid/Matron of Honor help me). We start with a dress that I hadn’t picked out and but looks neat. It was really heavy. I try to step into it but, well, it would not go over my hips and it is too heavy to be put over by head (I am very bottom heavy). Then she gets another one and this one we lifted over my head. She took one look at it and says you are too big for this dress and you look awful in it (there is no mirror so I cannot see) so I take it off and she wonders the size and looks and then she has this absolutely horrified look on her face and tells me that we are done trying on dresses and we’ll have to go in March after I’ve lost a lot of weight. Her words were so cutting for me. (Is it okay to wear a pant suit? I don’t really want a repeat type experience)
I am way too old for this but weight is always something that I struggled with. I suffered from anorexia before (I won’t even name my lowest weight because I do not want to trigger anyone else – but it was enough to be hospitalized in my early 20’s). Over the past few years I gained a lot of weight and fluctuated a lot up and down, but I finally found some peace with myself. While I could stand to lose some weight I am starting to feel triggers and I don’t want to go back.
I am not asking for advice. I just need to get that all out. Thanks for reading.
Post # 3
I’m so sorry your first experience went like that! Is there anyone else you can take with you in the future in place of your mom?
Post # 4
That lady was just a jerk. Take your business somewhere else. I had gained about 15 pounds before my first dress appointment and told my consultant that and my plans to lose it and she couldn’t have made me feel more beautiful at my current weight.
Post # 5
@laceydoilies: You poor thing, what a horrible experience. I assume your Mum knows what you’ve been through and so can’t believe she would make such mean and unhelpful comments. I hope you will find the perfect dress that makes you feel as beautiful and special as you deserve to on your wedding day. I don’t know how traditional you are but could you take SO when you go dress shopping? Hugs.
Post # 6
@laceydoilies: There is no excuse for your mother’s actions. If I were you, I’d go dress shopping without her.
Post # 7
@laceydoilies: I wouldn’t take her again honestly..ALSO your mother should realize that bridal sizes are no where near what street sizes are half the time and every designer is different! I’m so sorry you had this happen. 🙁
Post # 8
@laceydoilies: I don’t know your size, but the bridal industry makes dresses for ALL shapes and sizes. My advice, next time just go alone and have a consultant help you. You can tell her that due to your insecurity with your size you didn’t want to invite guests right away. But if you find a dress that you like, come back with your mother to show it to her after youve already tried it on.
NO ONE should have to feel like this preparing for their wedding.
Post # 9
I am SO sorry you had such a horrible experience! NOT all salons are like that–and I’m SO sorry the person in the dressing room was talking to you like that!
I’m sure you look gorgeous as-is (your Fiance certainly thinks so!)
And you deserve to feel gorgeous on your wedding day!
Post # 10
So sorry you had to deal with that. For one, you need to try on the styles you like to see if they work for you, not have your mother just write them off because of what she thinks. That was very hurtful of your mom to say, especially in light of what you have went through before. Next time, don’t take your mom. Just go with a friend, or your Maid/Matron of Honor, and have the consultant help you get into dresses. It is their job, after all.
Post # 11
I thinkt hat maybe you’ll have to be very careful who you take shopping with you. I’m so sorry your mom reacted this way. My mom was always very gentle with her comments when I tried things on as a kid and teen, and when we went gown shopping, she really looked to me to see if I loved or hated something before chiming in. There are plenty of lovely dress consultants who will be happy to help you find something that looks amazing and won’t insult you. Would it be okay to leave your mom at home the next time, or do you think that might damage your relationship? I’m not sure why our family members sometimes think it’s their job to provide brutally honest commentary on our bodies and appearances. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard mothers tearing apart their daughters’ self-esteem two or three stalls down from me in a dressing room.
Post # 12
I’m so sorry!! Don’t take your mum with you next time and have the sales consultant help you in your dress. Don’t let it spoil sbything for you. You will look beautiful on your wedding day
Post # 13
I just wanted to give youq big hug from one fat girl of the family to another. Because of the way my family (immediate and extended) treated me growing up I’ve always had confidence problems about the way I look,and it wasn’t until about 3-4 years ago that I finally got to a happy “screw them all”when they talked about my weight stage. I’m not even going to presume I know how you feel, and I just wanted to Po offer you some moral support.
I personally started my dress shopping alone because I didn’t know what to expect, and it was confidence breaking considering I went to a small shop and the dresses I tried on were 8-10 sizes larger than my street size, and I couldn’t even fathom trying on the nice ones I wanted to try on since they were too small. Despite knowing that wedding sizes are different, I felt horrible. But I went to other ones alone and it got better. I promise it gets better.
Post # 14
That stinks that your first experience wasn’t the best *hugs*. And I am the same as you, I suffered from anorexia when I was younger and actually found peace with myself a few years ago…and I am nowhere near skinny anymore. It does shock me that your mom wouldn’t have been more choosey with her words to you because of your history with weight.
I would definitely try a larger bridal store that may carry samples in all sizes so that you’ll be able to actually see what you’ll look like. Keep thinking healthy and stay strong!
Post # 15
- Wedding: October 2014 - Church
@MrsBeck: I really just want my one friend who may or may not be able to be a BM depending on her work, but she lives five hours away. I’m not really close to anyone else except for my Maid/Matron of Honor but it’s kind of different because he has no opinions on clothes and is there for moral support (wouldn’t be a good person to ask if something looks good – just happy if I’m happy). I’m not really sure. I don’t particularly have any females that I am close to – most people I am close to are guys. I would have to think hard to figure someone out.
@mgbser: If only it were the consultant that said those things. If it had been the consultant I would have been okay and done more of a ranting post about not going to this store that just opened. This was my mom,which is why it hurts so much.
@LaPetiote: Thank you. I’m quite traditional, though, so him going is not an option.
@s2bmrscook: I’m considering just showing her the dresses I am deciding between after I go with one or two other people. I could not handle a repeat of yesterday.
@Laurenskii: @tampalove35: I know that bridal sizes are so different (I don’t know why they do that – they would give someone who is super skinny a complex, I am sure), and I told my mom just that and she had this look on her face that said she just did not believe it. I think I will be trying on dresses and when it is narrowed down then I will show her because I don’t need this.
@BrandNewBride: Unfortunately that was my mother in the fitting room, not the consultant. I wouldn’t be hurt if it was the consultant. Fiance is so sweet. He tells me every day how beautiful he thinks I am (even when I am not feeling well or wearing sweat pants or whatever lol). He told me that he would think I am beautiful no matter what size and whatever I look like when we get married I will look gorgeous. He is really amazing. When I told him everything that happened he told me I need to have more friends go with me to support and not to be one-on-one with her because this is what she is like. He really is so sweet. I know that all that really matters is him and I that day but it is so difficult.
Post # 16
I hate that your first trip was so terrible.
Honestly, I just don’t subscribe by the “mom needs to go shopping” thing. Yes, for a lot of people mom is who they want to take. However, I’m a firm believer that you should take people who are a great support group with you. I didn’t take my mom with me. She’s a strong personality and it was just not something I wanted to deal with when shopping for a wedding dress.
My SIL also had a horrible experience going with her mom first. Then, we went as a group (also with her mom) and that wasn’t so great either. Yesterday we went with just the bridesmaids, it was amazing. She found the dress and it was so stress free and calm.
I think you should not worry too much about your weight (I know, easier said than done). Try shopping again with just a few good friends. Let the consultant help you into the dress – they’ve seen it all and aren’t there to judge you.