(Closed) So hurt over BF's brother stealing our "proposal thunder"

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
1335 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MrsWBS:  Agreed.  OP, there’s no reason to discuss how long the brother has been dating his Fiance, that has no bearing on this.  It sounds like you feel you deserved to be proposed to first because you’ve been waiting longer for a ring.  Like the others said, everyone has their own pace for their relationship.  You should focus on yours and not the brother’s.

Post # 18
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

To add to what PPs have said, there is nothing wrong with your SO’s brother proposing first—you can’t call dibs on something like that. I understand how you feel, and I can see why you would be a little upset, but it all comes down to this:

Everyone’s life moves at a different pace. Don’t be upset about a proposal that comes before yours in the family. Your time will come, and there is no use comparing or rushing to reach major milestones because they will happen in your life when they are supposed to. 

Life is not a race, so sit back and enjoy the ride!

Post # 19
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I could see if he schedule his wedding right before yours, but proposing before your BF does? I don’t see how that is a big deal. You have been together 4 years, your BF has had plenty of time to propose and has chosen not to. That does not mean that those around you need to put their life plans on hold while he takes years to get to the same point of readiness they are at. Try not to let something like this tarnish what will be a life long relationship with your Future Brother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law. 

Post # 20
Member
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

The same exact thing happened to me. We bought a ring, my husband (boyfriend at the time) showed it to his family without having proposed yet and two weeks later his younger sister got engaged. It sucked and I was pissed for a good week. I have no idea how long their proposal was in the works, for all I know it could have been before ours. I mean I was happy for them, but I felt like since they knew we were doing it that they could have waited. So my husband ended up waiting two more months and then proposed.

I agree that it’s a messed up thing to do, but it’s not something you can control. Don’t fret. It will be your time soon and everyone WILL care and they WILL be happy for you two! My guess is even more so since you’ve been dating so long that it will be less of a shock to the family than the couple who has only been dating for a year.

Post # 21
Member
1182 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Well, would you rather have him propose a month after your Fiance and steal all the proposal thunder then? No, of course you wouldn’t. Because whoever has the thunder last gets to keep it!

Congratulations, your clever BF tricked his brother into going first so you can be the proposal thunder keeper. This was a very cunning plan. You are marrying well. 

Post # 22
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Hi there..im goign to share my story to hopefully make you feel a bit better.

In Janaury me and my bf (at the time) had a conversation…we were almost at year 4 of being together and i explaiend to him that if i did not get a proposal by the end of next january then we would have tod iscuss the next steps. We plan an amazing trip to Europe for June. He tells hi family and soem close friend sof his intentions to propose. I have no clue. In April his brother goe son vacation to Aruba and comes back engaged to his gf of 1.5 years. I lose my mind. I cry i sob i freak out. Im pretty much devastated for a long long time. I feel resentment. Why? because i was hurt that my bf didnt propose to me…. i had no clue that he was actually planning on proposing and was just as devastated and upset and (in his words – felt stupid) for not proposing sooner. Its a tough time for us…we leave for our trip to Europe. He proposes with the most beautiful rign and in the most romantic way – on the seine river in paris while its raining. As soon as he proposed to me everythign changed. I forgot the resentment, i forgot the other engagement, i didnt even care anymore.

The moral of my story is yes it sucks and i completely understand how you feel. Its hard and it was a very harm time for our relationship. But. in the end…when your proposal comes… nothign else in the world will matter and you wont even remember all the other things. Goodluck!

Post # 23
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I understand you, my little brother did something like that when my Fiance & I got engaged… We got engaged in March 13 so we were super excited, my family and his family was so happy for us (since we’ve been dating for 5 years), and suddenly 2 months later my lil bro told my parents he would like to propose to his gf (which I hate by the way).. So my parents had to talk him out of that idea since they only have been dating for less than 4 months okay!! :/

and I was SO annoyed by that.. But later we understood it was just that he was trying to find something like what we have, like a more mature way of relationship, and we supported him till he started thinking about it, and at last he didn’t.. 🙂

Hope that helps, and hope at the end something good happens to you too (:

Post # 24
Member
1073 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

No one can steal your thunder unless you allow them to do so.  Besides there are worse things in life.  😉

Post # 25
Member
2121 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@Elvis:  this gave me the giggles 😛 

View original reply
@Mrsluckywife:  well my family were delighted, and we opened a bottle of champagne and toasted it…but by the next day life went on as normal, particularly until we actually started planning and had info to share. i think some women imagine it as being far more exciting for other people than it actually is

View original reply
@Adams_bee:  i think this is a very sensible post. and phrased much better than mine!

Post # 26
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I know it can be hard to put your feelings aside, especially in a situation like this. Be upset for a few days, vent, get it out and then move on. 

My brother had been with his Fiance for a couple of years and they wanted to get engaged but didn’t know when. I thought it would be early summer, but it didn’t happen until the middle of July. I knew my Fiance was proposing 8/8 so it was torture watching my brother and his Fiance get showered with attention. But once my Fiance proposed, none of that mattered. Now their wedding is about 2 months before ours and that’s caused some interesting drama, but I’ve decided that it doesn’t matter, my wedding day will be amazing. 

Now, my FI’s older brother had been talking about proposing to his SO a year and a half ago but never gave any indication of exactly when he wanted to do it. My Fiance and I got engaged his summer and I think it really hurt their feelings (stealing “proposal thunder” maybe?). Unfortunately, people don’t plan life events around other people’s lives. We got engaged when the time was right for us – not to steal someone’s thunder. 

We will probably have at least three weddings across the families next year. At first I was little worried about my FI’s brother and what date they would chose. But again, I decided that no matter what, my wedding day will be fantastic. 

Chin up! You’ll get your proposal and I think it will be just as exciting and wonderful as you dream it will be. 

Post # 27
Member
356 posts
Helper bee

Life isn’t like the ‘take a number’ thing at the deli. Everyone has their own and sometimes they overlap. I certainly wouldn’t want anyone postponing a life event because it could potentially be misinterpreted as being hurtful to me.

You can’t control other people’s actions; you can only control your reaction to them and, in my opinion, your reaction should be one of joy and congratulations.

Post # 28
Member
295 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I was in a very similar situation but I am with the younger brother! FI’s older brother and his girlfriend were together for 7 years when we got engaged. We had been together for a year and a half. If older brother isnt going to step up to the plate, sorry thats not fair to make the younger couple wait just because you want to be first. I would have been really upset if it was the other way around because older brother still isnt engaged so how fair would that have been to us? As frustrated as you might be you have to realise the other couple is just as excited to get engaged and start their life together, age doesnt give anyone the right to be married first, second or last

Post # 29
Member
1081 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You get engaged/married because you love someone and want to spend your life together, not so that you can get all the attention and glory. There is no thunder to take away. Millions of couples get engaged and married every year and you are just one of them. I’m sure his family will be just as excited even if your boyfriend isn’t the first to propose. If they’re not, that is really strange and you have bigger things to worry about. 

Post # 30
Member
2623 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I have little to no sympathy for you. I don’t know when engagements and weddings became about basking in the spot light. From what you said there is two months between your engagements. Why should little brother postpone his plans and plan his life around you and your boyfriend?

What works in your relationship is your business and just because you wouldn’t get engaged after a year doesn’t mean everyone has to follow the same template as you. We got engaged exactly a year into us being official, all I have to say is when you know you know and I don’t need three extra years to figure that out.

I say take a chill pill and focus on what matters which is that you found someome whom you love to spend the rest of your life with, and how exciting the next few months or year is going to be with all the wedding events and most importnatly being with the person whom you love and intend on spending your life with. Good luck!

Post # 31
Member
8462 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t think you can be too angry about it..sure I’d probably be a little upset, but you can’t expect people to sit around waiting for YOUR timeline. Maybe the little brother figures your BF has already had the ring for quite a while and therefore he’s given him plenty of time to pop the question before he did.

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