(Closed) So hurt over BF's brother stealing our "proposal thunder"

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 62
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@UJSMCWG06:  I don’t think anyone has a problem with how long they’ve been dating, I think people have a problem with her demanding others wait to get engaged until after she does, given how long they’ve been dating.  They’re obviously not in a rush to become engaged, so why force their obvious lack of urgency on anyone else?

My husband and I became engaged after a year of dating.  If his brother’s long-term girlfriend got pissy because we got engaged before his brother proposed to her, I’d probably….have an inappropriate reaction.

Post # 63
Member
782 posts
Busy bee

It is unfair to expect someone to modify their timeline to suit you. What does it matter who proposes first or who was dating longer or who gave their family advanced notice? The bottom line is your BF + you will be getting engaged very soon and everyone WILL be happy for you two then. Rest assured that nothing will be taken away from your moment…

Until then, you should just relax, and while anticipating your own engagement, you should be celebrating your future Brother-In-Law + SIL’s  union, just like you would want them and others to celebrate yours. Life is too short to turn it into some sort of competition or fret about such inconsequential details. 

Post # 64
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

There is no proposal thunder, and family should not have to put their lives on hold because there’s going to be another proposal. Everyone’s life shouldn’t stop and wait on your proposal no matter how long you’ve been together.

If your boyfriend is going to propose, he should do it whenever he’s ready. But so should his brother. And if that means they get engaged before you, so be it. It’s not going to take way the fact that you’ll be engaged.

Post # 65
Member
5592 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@AnonaBee12:  I dunno, sometimes it’s just hard to be considerate of others and you have to move on with your own business. In my husbands family his sister has been with the same guy for 12 years. They pretty much told us we better not get engaged in 2008 because that was “their” year. So we didn’t. And neither did they. And then halfway through 2009 my husband just went to them and was like, unless you ask in the next three months, we’re “playing through”.  So we got engaged in late 2009 and they didn’t get engaged till the end of 2010 (Married last sept).  So had we tried to play nicely we would have been together six years by the time they worked out their own situation.  Just another perspective from the side of all the people that have probably been waiting and wondering what’s going on with you two. 

You guys got to get engaged on your own timeline and they should get to as well.  There’s no maximum capacity on love and happiness in this world 🙂

now whether he did it on purpose to steal your thunder… I dunno what he’s like. It may not be necessarily that he wants to “steal” from you but it may have gone through his kind that he didn’t want to be the afterthought either??

Post # 66
Member
1114 posts
Bumble bee

The only frustrating thing that I saw is that the brother knew that they were getting engaged, and then decided to propose out of the blue, which I think could be a little frustrating. In any case, what’s done is done. I think it’s human to feel a little upset when you’re excited because you’re getting something you’ve been waiting for soon, and then someone else gets it out of blue before you. But then we have to move on and just be happy for couples getting engaged and are ready to make a commitment to each other. If they’re serious about it, you should be seriously happy and supportive. It’s okay to feel jealousy or be upset about anything, as long as you move on and be mature. I agree with some of the other posters that when you get your proposal it will be a lot easier to just be genuinely happy for your brother in law. I hope everything turns out!

Post # 67
Member
1559 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I completely understand, and you feel how you feel.  Even if you should be happy for them, you can’t change how you feel.  Something similar happened to me.  My fiance’s family is very french and I don’t speak it, his brother’s gf (now wife) does, so I’ve always felt like his fam loved her way more.  We’d been together 3+ years and wanted to get married but couldn’t afford it, his brother and his gf had been together 1 year and got engaged.  I was so upset but I knew it was just jealousy…we’d been together so much longer, felt like it should be us, not them!  so tried to mask it best I could.  You feel what you feel…how you choose to handle those feelings is all you can do.

For us too, about a month before we got engaged, my fiance’s brother announced they were pregnant.  So whenever we all get together now, it’s allllll about baby.  I don’t usually get any questions about our wedding – my sister in law’s reaction to our engagement was “oh that’s fun” lol.  Dont get me wrong, love her lots and she truly is a wonderful person, so is my brother in law.  I’m sure your brother in law isn’t proposing to steal your thunder.  If he did, that’s a pretty lame way to begin a marriage.  Getting engaged and married is all you’re thinking about now so seeing anyone else get engaged or married is probably a little hard for you because you want it so bad.  At least that’s what it was like for me.

 

Think of it this way… if you’re both engaged at the same time, and they get married first, then at least by your wedding, 100% of the focus is on you because theirs is already out of the way!

But I def understand about feeling like your thunder is stolen.  Whether intentionally or not.  But life isn’t perfect, just have to roll with the punches, right?

 

Post # 68
Member
422 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@AnonaBee12:  listen, get over yourself. 

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