(Closed) so hurt!

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

THAT is the pits and totally unacceptable. So sorry hun! Hive hugs!

Post # 4
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

thats awful guitargirl–

May I ask why you are only having 3 groomsmen?

Post # 5
2765 posts
Sugar bee

Something very similar happened with a close friend of mine.  He actually was going to skip my wedding, so I called him up and told him how much he meant to me and how much I’d like him to be there on my wedding day.

He made it to the wedding, and he was really touched by how much he meant to me – and interestingly, we’ve been much closer ever since the wedding.

Maybe let your brother how much he means to you, and how much you’d like him to be part of your wedding?

Post # 6
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

That sucks. Can you call your mom or dad and have them guilt trip your brothers into cooperating?

Post # 7
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I’m sorry guitargirl.  Maybe he’ll come around.  I think when he looks in the rear view mirror, he’ll be regretting it.

Post # 8
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think your brother just needs a little perspective.

You can remind him of the lengths you went to to play the role offered you in his wedding. Or, you can tell him that he means a lot to you and it’s important to you that he be a part of your wedding day, but he must understand that there are several people you want to include, there are only so many “jobs” to go around, and can’t he play nicely?

Does he have any ideas of what he would like to do?

IMO, he’s being a bit self-important. He should be a good brother and let you have your day without making a big deal out of this.


Post # 10
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I would consider taking the high road here as Mr. Bee was illustrating – tell your brother how much he means to you, that you really want him to be a part of your special day and that you don’t think a greeter is “for people you don’t like” . Trying coming from a place of love (vs. hurt/anger) and I bet he will do it! don’t bring up his wedding, it is in the past. 

Post # 11
567 posts
Busy bee

maybe he would rather just be a guest than have a “job” at the wedding…

to me at least, being a greeter would seem like more of a pain than an honor.  why not give him the option of just being a guest, but mentioning your brothers in the program?  he might just feel like you’re putting him to work.

that being said, it’s your day, and as family, he should be bending over backwards to please you.  call him and ask him what’s up.  i’m sure he’ll come around.  good luck!

Post # 12
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

People can be so selfish about other people’s weddings. I think talk to your brother and tell him what it means to you to have him involved. If he’s still acting childish, you may just have to let it go. 🙁

Post # 13
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Talk to your brother, but if he doesn’t want to do it, you can’t just force him to. Maybe he is miffed why you are making him a greeter? Maybe he had something else in mind? Ultimately it’s his choice to be in your wedding or decline your offer. He’s your sibling, i think a chat would do fine.

Post # 14
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

What about being an usher instead of a ‘greeter?’ This is what my friend did in her wedding recently because her husband had too many groomsmen already. Both of her older brothers were ushers and it worked out wonderfully! Her brothers escorted grandmothers to and from their seats, released rows of guests when it was their time to leave the theater (the families wanted grandmothers and other honored guests to leave first after the bride/groom and bridal party). This gave both of her brothers something special to do without having the responsibilites or role of groomsmen (but yet still an important job!). You may want to explain this to them so they don’t think they are just going to be standing there passing out programs (if you are having programs). Also, being ushers means that they can be in the pictures with the bridal party, which is nice. This is what we are doing with our nephew and my sister who has special needs – they will both be ushers. Our nephew will be 10 almost 11 by the time we marry, so he is too young to be a groomsman and too old to be a ring bearer; as for my sister’s special needs, it really isn’t appropriate for her to be a bridesmaid as they have their own duties as members of the bridal party, so she will also being ushering with the help of an adult. Good Luck! 🙂

Post # 15
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’m really sorry, maybe you should ask him what part he’d like to participate in? Maybe he would rather just come as a guest. My Fiance brother isn’t even coming and there was nothing we could do to change his mind, so I know how you feel.

Post # 16
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

It sounds like he might be hurt because he’s not a groomsmen, that would explain his response, I think.  I agree, let him know how much he means to you and go from there.  Maybe if he can’t be a groomsmen, he could be a “bride’s man” and stand up on your side?

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