(Closed) So I decided… (longish)

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Just tell them thanks for the information, but you’ve decided that you’ll be holding off for a little while for personal reasons. It’s really none of their business, like i’m sure you share with your close friends, but the general public doesn’t need details.

Post # 4
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

We wanted a wedding now because at 32 (me) and 39 (him) we didn’t want to wait. And we have compromised on a lot. Our wedding is very small, I don’t have the reception venue I really wanted (because of $$$), and some family that live far won’t be able to be here because we more or less planned this in less than 7 months. We also compromised on doing a lot of travel and home improvement projects. We are on the lucky side because both his parents and my dad are helping out financially. But we are still having a wedding on less than $5k.

But at a little of 2 weeks, I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m so happy we are getting married now rather than waiting until we saved a little more money. Could we have had a bigger wedding? Probably but I don’t think we’d be any happier.

That said, that’s what worked for us. If waiting another year or two is ok with both of you to have the wedding of your dreams, don’t worry what everyone else says. You are the ones getting married, not them. Good luck! And stick around here. You can get lots of ideas in two years!

Post # 6
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

GothyBride2B, I am so sorry that this situation sucks so badly. I’d like to hold out a little hope that maybe your Fiance will change his mind when he realizes that you wouldn’t be able to plan a wedding for two years. And you are *definitely* still engaged. Engagement is intent to wed and you have that. There’s no statute of limitations on an engagement! I’ sorry your family is so unsupportive; that is just awful. 

Post # 7
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Why do you have to wait until he sells the house? Is it for financial reasons or will it complicate the mortgage if you get married? If it’s financial, you can seriously plan a very nice wedding for very little $$$. My fiancé and I are probably going to come in under out $5,000 budget. Check out 2000 dollar wedding for ideas and budgets. If it is the paperwork, would a prenup help clarify things? It is possible to isolate pre-existing debt that way.

Good luck and I hope you do whatever makes you happy!

Post # 8
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I second Mandyrosy‘s question?  Why can’t you have a courthouse wedding (very inexpensively) and a bigger vow renewal in a couple of years (if you still want one) without selling the house?  It doesn’t sound like having a wedding is a big deal to you, but being married is.  And 2 years is a *really* long time to wait.  For me 1 year from when we got engaged felt long.  When you’re ready to be married, you’re ready.  A wedding is just a party…but a marriage is the beginning of a new family and life together.  You don’t need a white dress or a multi-tiered cake to do that.

Post # 9
Member
4465 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

To above posters, I think one of the issues (if I’m reading this right) is that if GothyBride were to get married right now (or soon) then she would not be able to move in with her Fiance because of the cats at the house that he owns, and the fact that it is a four hour commute to her job.

I do have a couple of questions though.  Are you sure that FI’s brothers are going to want to sell the house in 2 years, just because they’ve broken even?  Are they looking to get out of it too?  Are you and Fiance currently in a long-distance relationship?  Just wondering how his house could be four hours from your job (cats nonwithstanding)

As for the length of your enagement, I’ll be engaged for over two years by the time we get married, but I’ve also been living with Fiance for four years.  I would think that two more years would be a long time to not be living together, and I also worry that the two years may not be a realistic “endpoint.”  Unfortunately, his brothers could decide in two years that they don’t want to sell the house, and have no interest in “buying him out,” so to speak.

Anyway, I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news, just wanted to clear some things up.

Post # 10
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

I’m not sure I understand why you’re waiting if elopement is an option. So what if he co-owns a house? Can he move in with you? Can the two of you rent an inexpensive apartment? Or which is more important, getting married and living in his house, or not risking offending one of his brothers by asking him to foster the cats elsewhere?

I know a wedding party isn’t the same if you have it after you’re already married but… so what? If you’re ready to be married, and it’s making you sad not to be… skip the party. Throw one later. Vow renewals are all the rage these days. πŸ˜‰

Post # 11
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I was reading this and wondering the same thing.  Why can’t you get married now? Is he living in the house with his brothers and would have to move out? So he’d be paying mortgage but not living there? 

I agree with FizicsGirl.  You don’t need a ton of money to be married.  Try and make things work out now.  Small weddings can be just as beautiful.  

As for the living situation.  Can he move in where you are? 

Post # 12
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

I have to add about the 4 hour commute: that would be true whether the cats were there or not. Is one of you planning on changing jobs? You guys have some logistics to work out, but you can start doing that now as much as you can start doing that later.

Post # 13
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Can he be bought out? Realistically, does he want to own a home with his brothers forever? Or is this just until it sells? Maybe there could be paperwork to offer him an “out” upon selling date?

I’d definitely look into some sort of prenup so the co-owned house doesn’t cause a problem, whether it’s you and he against the mortgage or just protecting of yourself from his brothers.

I think you should find a way to get married. There really is no 100% sure answer what 2 years will bring. 2 years could turn into two more years…you get the drift

Post # 15
Member
1514 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

What about renting the house.  They all seperate and move on and the house gets the mortgage paid by the renters?

Post # 16
Member
4465 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

IA: I thought of that too.

Also, do you live and work in Boston?  Could you live outside Boston and use mass transit to get into work?  Also, if you and Fiance live (what seems to be) 3+ hours apart, you’re probably spending a lot of money trekking back and forth to see each other.  Maybe moving closer could save more $ than you think…?

Also, I know it s*cks but have you considered a studio?  They’re usually much cheaper than one bedrooms. 

Just trying to throw lots of ideas out there as I think of them.

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