- 7 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
This story is both amusing and possibly educational for anyone else considering this course of action, so I figured I’d share it here on the Bee (since I don’t dare share it anywhere else, where family members might explode from the Too Much Information, haha).
I have been shaving my hoo-ha bald since like 2003. Even when I was too pregnant to be able to see what I was doing, I still sent the razor down there and hoped for the best. But I knew that after this baby is born, when I’m all swollen and blown up and held together by stitches and gushing horrible things and barely able to shower regularly, sending the razor down there isn’t going to happen. I also knew that while I was swollen and blown up and held together by stitches and gushing horrible things and barely able to shower regularly … I’m not going to want to deal with itchy stubble. Nor am I going to want to deal with a pube jungle for, like … things to get caught in. So, given these constraints, the only possible option seemed to be to get myself waxed and buy myself a few stubble-free weeks to heal before deciding on my next move.
I made the appointment and stopped shaving for two full weeks to let the hair grow back enough for the waxing to be successful. By the end of the two weeks, I knew I had made the right decision on the waxing because the growing back hair was so horribly uncomfortable I had to talk myself out of shaving it every time I showered.
I also asked my doc beforehand if there was any reason she could think of why this might be a bad idea. She laughed and said no, “other than the obvious reasons why this is a goddamned terrible idea.” Because of course, 1) I haven’t had a Brazilian since I was in college — that’s almost 10 straight years of shaving. That hair wasn’t going to come out easy. 2) You have to lie on your back to get waxed. This is less than comfortable at this point. 3) You are restricted to only Tylenol for pain-killing purposes, and 4) being pregnant makes you much more sensitive in all your genital regions. Awesome.
But, no MEDICAL reason why you can’t do it. Woohoo!
So the appointment was Saturday. I showed up and stripped down and hopped on the table on my back. I made the strategic decision to pop in a piece of gum before we started. This was seriously the smartest thing I have ever done.
For the next hour, the chick ripped out all my hair while I lay there chomping on my gum. By the time she was finally finished (we only went as far back as the perineum. I didn’t feel like my back door needed to be hairless, haha), I had completely sweat through my shirt. It was not hot in there.
I’m not going to lie — there were parts of it that were pretty awful. And there were parts that weren’t that bad. I survived and I don’t regret it.
The worst part, actually, was that it f***ed up my back somehow. Lying on my back with one knee bent for that whole time, with a giant pregnant belly balanced on my spine, tweaked my lower back something fierce. Now even two days later it’s still a little wonky. Also, the skin that got waxed was super swollen afterwards and was sore all day Saturday and yesterday as well. Today I can finally put a cold hand flat against my pubic bone without wincing.
BUT!! I survived, I didn’t go into labor, and I am now safe from stubble during the postpartum nightmare period. I’d call that a win.
So if any pregnant Bees are considering doing this for the sake of postpartum cleanliness, I say go for it. Just … take your Tylenol. And chew some gum. And wear a sports bra because you will sweat. A lot. 🙂