(Closed) SO & I had a talk about a timeline {long}

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
1356 posts
Bumble bee

You really need to stop comparing your relationship to others’! There’s no point, it’ll just make you sad. Focus on your relationship, do some fun activities together, and forget about anything else.

The finances argument makes sense… I mean, doesn’t it seem a bit silly to pay for a wedding and a ring if you’re in debt? But depending on your situation, it could take years to pay off your debt. So you should make a plan. Show him that you’re responsible about the situation. Talk to him about a long engagement – a setting doesn’t have to be expensive, and if he already has a diamond, the ring doesn’t need to be a major cost. However, I think you should definitely pay off a least most of your debt before getting engaged/married.

Post # 4
6741 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

You never know what is going on with your friends’ lives, honestly.  Even if you think you know everything, you have no idea.  Maybe your relationship is better – look at your SO, who wants joint bank accounts and to help pay off YOUR debt!  He’s so fiscally responsible – other people have men who spend all their money and fight over money.  Maybe your friends are marrying and buying homes, but maybe they’re spending all their money, going into debt, and one day they might regret it.  Stop comparing yourself to others, you can’t because you don’t live their lives and you don’t know if their lives are truly better than yours for you to be “jealous” of them. 

Everything will come in time – if you trust your SO will propose, tell him how important it is for it to happen asap and that you want to pay down your debt but maybe also save up for the ring at the same time.  Tell him you don’t mind a long engagement where you will save money for the wedding so you don’t go into debt. 

Post # 5
1848 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@braverbeating:  You sound like me about 4 or 5 months ago.

He told me he had a plan, I was impatient and said things like “whenever you finally propose in like 10 years” and he told me it wouldn’t take that long. Two months later, this man gets on one knee.

My whole point is that men work on their own schedule. They’re not as affected by people getting married or doing other life milestones like we are. I don’t understand exactly which planet they came from, but it’s certainly not ours! πŸ™‚

I waited almost 4 years for my Fiance to propose. Yeah, it’s frustrating. You get hella jealous and very impatient. One thing I regret was not just letting it be. Your man knows he wants to propose to you – you’re his leading lady. Don’t suck all of the fun out of it by harping on it like I did. The proposal will be SO AWESOME and it’ll wash all that waiting anxiety away. Better to make sure he’s truly ready, right?

What I did was tell Fiance I do NOT want a crazy expensive ring. Sure, a nice rock is great…but so is being engaged. I told him no more than one paycheck (he works full time at a decent paying job) and he stuck with it. I have a ring I looooove and I’m engaged. Maybe you can suggest that too? I know he has the diamond, but maybe compromise on the setting?

Best of luck…I know you’re waiting for it, but it’s gonna be so worth it.

Post # 6
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I can’t be the only one who saw this… Buuuut… HE BOUGHT YOU A DIAMOND WITHOUT YOU KNOWING BEFORE ANY BIG TALKS OF MARRIAGE!!! Get EXCITED! Yes, you have to pay off debts… But he really wants to marry you, he wants to build a stable future, he wants to be with YOU! 


Dont throw it away because you are getting impateNt. Tell him how excited you are. Start dreaming. Be happy. It is coming. You know it will come when money is better. So, get working on that! 


Congrats πŸ™‚

Post # 8
6741 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@braverbeating:  6 months??? men!  ask him when he’s last planned a wedding!!

Post # 10
9954 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

 sealevels: —> THIS


misscakeandtea:  —> ESPECIALLY THIS

Oh my gosh… this man has already bought YOU the diamond !!

And he showed it to you.

You are all but engaged except for one minor detail… you don’t see it that way.

(Remember lots of gals get Engaged without a Ring… and there are many like me who get the whole “Non-Proposal” Proposal)

This man L♥VES you clearly very much.

And he is a planner… and well organized.  I mean he bought the diamond very wisely when he was working at a Jewellery story.  And he’s hid it away out of sight from you very successfully.  AND he’s thinking about the future… all that talk of getting things financially in order is very very smart.

Now on the otherhand,

Ya gotta remember when it comes to an ERing… the diamond is the BIG expense (and wowzer one at .75 is nothing to sniff at)… the gold part well that is usually the cheaper piece of the puzzle… so doesn’t take eons to get the cash together to do that

Trust me… your Boyfriend or Best Friend is right… it won’t take 2 years.  You will be engaged before you know it !!


PS… Now go read Mr Bee’s famous advice on Waiting… and find a “project” to keep yourself occupied or get a head-start on something you want to do pre-Wedding Planning (a good time to lose weight / get fit etc if that is something you’d want to do before the Wedding… as it is a lot easier to keep going on a maintenace program during your Engagement / Wedding Plan stage than it is to start a new regime when your life is filled with stress)


Post # 11
2685 posts
Sugar bee

This sounds similar to some of my own experiences.  My Fiance and I were in a position to either pay for a down payment on a house or to pay for a wedding.  We sat down and talked it out and decided the house is the smarter long-term investment for us.  At that point, I realized that we were clearly committed to spending our lives with each other regardless of whether we were married.  I also realized that the wedding is a small part of your life together, but things like buying a house and consolidating debt will have a greater affect and lead to a better relationship.  Since we bought the house, prices have gone up in our neighborhood and we would not have been able to afford a house in this neighborhood if we had waited.

We bought the house last year and have been fixing it up since then.  While doing that, we’ve been working to pay off our cars and my Fiance has been working on his student loans.  I did not think he would propose for 1-2 years after we bought the house, but 9 months later he surprised me with a ring. And we’re getting married at the house, so we get to save on venue costs!  He already has the diamond so it’s only a matter of time.  πŸ™‚

Post # 12
6741 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@braverbeating:  LOL @ 2 days.  Maybe the two of you have two different views about weddings??  Do you both have the same vision?  I know people who have planned a wedding in under a month, so it really depends on what type of wedding and who you know, etc.  It’s really not the amount of time, but the fact that most vendors are booked a year+ in advance – did you explain that to them?  Like my friend got engaged last April, by July we had nearly everything planned – venue, date, photog, engagement shoot done, wedding dress picked out, vision/theme taken care of – there were little details that we left for later because we had the time to and it wasn’t time sensitive.  I’m sure you know all this already, I’m just wondering if you explained it to him.  

Post # 15
6741 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@braverbeating:  I think you’re already planning and there’s nothing wrong with that.  You know it’s coming, he wants to marry you, you just don’t have a ring yet.  So ask him if he’s ok with you starting to book things and plan things out even without the ring yet?  If you have a date in mind already (October) and tons of things already planned out (looks like with him) – so I wouldn’t wait for a ring, I’d start moving ahead! 

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