Post # 1
Thanks so much to all of you who have written me asking how I am doing. The truth is, not so good. Im depressed all the time, seriously lonely, insecure about myself and my future, and completely heartbroken. I have never known life without my SO, and honestly I never wanted to. I know everyone feels its best I left and believe me, I understand why, but I have a lot of days where I dont feel better for it. Ive only had one other serious relationship in my life and it only lasted briefly. Then, it was right back with us. Im trying so desprately to be strong, but I dont feel that way at all. I miss him so much I feel like im dying. I dont know how to pick myself back up, and im scared of what I will do if he ever came back. Sorry so long, just wanted to vent while being honest with myself. Honestly, I want and deserve better. But in my head, I wanted a better HIM. If that makes any sense. Oh well…
Post # 2
Im sorry. Im so SO sorry. Nothing hurts more than heartbreak and i can promise you that every person on here has experienced the pain you are experiencing, but the beauty of life is that regardless of how stuck you feel, it continues on. Time moves forward, life moves forward, and in turn, you will move forward.
But yea, its going to hurt right now and for a while. Have peace in knowing that every person on this planet has experienced heartbreak and they manage to survive and find happiness. You are not alone 🙂
Allow yourself to feel all the feelings you feel, but make sure that at the same time you find hobbies that bring you inner peace. Try a PaintNite, go salsa dancing, explore hiking..
Sending lots of love!
Post # 3
WannaBeMrs.B: Sending you hugs. I am also going through heartbreak and I know how tough it can be.
Have you thought about going to see a psychologist/counsellor? I have been doing so and it has really been helping me process both the break up itself and everything leading up to the break up. It is also a good way to work through issues surrounding insecurity and depression.
From my experience one of the hardest things about losing my ex-FI was losing ‘my person’ – the person who comforted me, laughed with me etc. So now you need to become your own person and your own best friend. I know this is hard but you need to be good to yourself. I would start by doing something that makes you feel good whether it is reading a great book, going to the spa or going to watch a movie. Doing small things alone that add to your happiness will help you regain your sense of self and your sense of independence.
I know everyone says this but start working out. I know it is hard to drag yourself on a run or to the gym but it helps. It is usually pure torture for the first week and then you start feeling good. Plus living well and looking good is the best revenge.
PM me if you need to vent.
Post # 4
happylady1989: Thanks so much for your reply. I am trying my best to move on. I have taken to the library more and found new and interesting books to read. I have also began taking foster parent/adoption classes. But during class, I find myself wishing we were getting a child together. Im trying. I really am. But yea, it hurts like hell
Post # 5
cupcakesnbiltong: Thank you so much for taking the time to reply when I know you are heartbroken as well. Its so easy for us to tell others to move on, but when we are faced with whats actually left, its devistating. This loss was a serious blow to my esteem and I feel so much like no one else will want me again. I know it may be silly, but its honest. As for hobbies i am trying everything. Im starting a new dance class when the adoption classes end. I have to stay busy or be completely miserable
Post # 6
WannaBeMrs.B: it’s been just a handful of days since you decided to end it. it takes time to heal from a broken heart. just keep reminding yourself that you did the right thing.
Post # 7
WannaBeMrs.B: I completely understand. It is also so important to just let yourself be sad and miserable for a bit. Sometimes I think we put too much pressure on ourselves to me on. Just do it slowly at your own pace. You are already a super star for having lined up the dance class – seriously give yourself some credit.
I do not want to sound preachy but the first step is for you to want and love you and to think of yourself as someone amazing and valuable. I know it is hard especially after a break up where we end up feeling rejected and those ‘not good enough’ feelings creep in. Take this time to slowly rebuild your self esteem and sense of self – I think often in relationships we rely on the other person to build us up which is dangerous because once they leave we are left with nothing. Take this time to learn how to build yourself up, that way no one can take your own self worth away from you. I know, this is much easier said that done. It is a process. Trust me, I think in a few years you will look back on this as a blessing. Once you truly love yourself you will attract someone worthy of that love.
Post # 8
WannaBeMrs.B: I’m sorry your in pain and it hurts so much. The early parts of a break up is always the worst and is when you miss them the most because they’ve gone from being there to nothing.
Its like you said in your original post here, you wanted a better HIM. But that’s not really missing him, your missing your ideal thoughts of him and what you wished he had been. If he was right for you you wouldn’t be wishing that he was better or something that he’s not.
You need to keep reminding yourself that there’s the reasons why you broke up. Remember the times he’s not treated you right and made you feel any less than special. And that there is a perfect person for you out there, you just haven’t found him yet.
Post # 9
Thanks everyone. I know it hasnt been that long since the break-up, I was only venting my feelings about everything. It feels much longer to my heart tho. Being away from someone you truely love can feel like an eternity. Even for a few hours…. I let it go. But I still love him. THAT is the difficult part
Post # 10
bluehope: *This* Thank You. I need to remind myself often why we broke up in the first. Its sad to think about that too.. But it can be therapeutic as well
Post # 11
Make a list, in writing, of every single mean thing he ever did or said to you. That exercise helped me tremendously after I left my exh.
You can post your list here if you wish. A little Bee homework. Please do this, ok?
Post # 12
WannaBeMrs.B: *Hugs* I know it hurts, but this too shall pass. And it’ll only make you stronger, trust me. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. PPs have given really good advice, so please follow it!
Post # 13
WannaBeMrs.B: Hey sweetheart, I thought it might help a little if I told you about when I broke up with my ex husband. Firstly, I have to congratulate you on being so brave and doing the right thing, even though it was the hard thing. But in my experience FWIW this is a short term hard thing. It will get better. I don’t even really remember the first couple of months after the break up (nearly three years ago). I spent a lot of time alone. I remember getting ill and missing a couple of weeks at work, watching rubbish tv. I lost a ton of weight. But during that time, I decided to change my career, which I ended up doing. The end of a bad relationship can be the start of lots of good things. Everyone handles things differently, which is why I can’t say what the best way for you to handle this is, but I have another friend who’s going through a break up who is running around like crazy, keeping busy, and at some point I’m worried the reality will kick in. I guess what I’m saying is treat yourself well. If you wanna keep busy, do, if you want, and are able to take a little time off work to rest (the emotional trauma can be physically exhausting) then do. Don’t expect too much of yourself. Sometimes just getting up and washing your hair can feel like climbing a mountain. But the one thing I learnt from ALL the break up stories I ever heard is that you will emerge stronger, happier and better than ever. You’re stronger than you think, and people are rooting for you.
I hope that made some sense…xx
Post # 14
sassy411: this! This helped when I broke up with my ex Fiance. When I would miss him I’d remind myself of all the shit he pulled and id get pissed all over again.
Your feelings are going to ebb and flow. You’ll start to do better, and then miss him again. But over time the missing him periods will get shorter.
Just don’t do what I did- my ex and I were on and off for three years. Every time it hurt just a bit too much, id contact him and one thing would lead to another and we’d end up getting back together. After three years, and countless break ups later, we both had enough and ended it once and for all. While I was mourning the relationship I kept kicking myself for going back after each break up. If I hadn’t gone back, I would have been through the hurt at that point! I just prolonged the inevitable because I couldn’t handle feeling the pain and dealing with it.
Post # 15
Be sad, you have the right to that. It sounds like you were with this guy for years and years and years so of course you aren’t going to be ok right away. Here’s my remedy for a big break up: eat ice cream for dinner, order a crap-ton of Chinese food, and just wallow for a while. That’s ok! When you’re sick of doing that (you’ll know when), let yourself get angry at him. Be mad, be frustrated, and take your frustrations out on something productive. I do a lot of cooking and crocheting so a lot of times I take out my anger on that. Otherwise maybe take an intro to karate class or something and take out your anger that way. Then after that, stay busy. Like REALLY busy. Go out to meet new friends on meetup.com excursions. Go to the gym and start a new exercise routine. Read a new book. Join a book club. Learn a new recipe. Make plans with friends. Pretty soon you will realize you only think about him every other day, then once per week, then once per month, etc. You won’t forget him entirely; he was a big part of your life. But eventually if you keep yourself busy you won’t find yourself thinking about him NEARLY as much, I promise.