(Closed) So.. I have a confession :-(

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
2067 posts
Buzzing bee

You love who you wish he was and you’re suffering the loss of a false security as to where your life was going. I know it’s hard bc it isn’t just losing the guy it’s losing the shared memories and future plans. It takes time but it will get better. I was very much like you 2.5 years ago and now I’m engaged to marry someone else next summer. Keep busy, get counseling, it WILL get better. 

Post # 20
Member
916 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
WannaBeMrs.B:  Please re-read your post from two weeks ago. I know you are missing the idea of him, but read what he put you through. 

Go out, over indulge in a new wine or ice cream, hell! Have both! Go out with your girl friends, get dolled up, make a list of everything he wouldn’t let you do, AND GO DO IT.  It’s scary being alone, but this can be the best time of your life and you can find you!

Post # 21
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

View original reply
WannaBeMrs.B:  Just wanted to send ((hugs)).  I do think counselling is a good idea.  It has really helped me over the years.  IMO I think your expecting too much from yourself to soon.  This is a very recent break-up.  While I think that ending the realtionship was 100% the right thing to do, it’s a big loss.  It may have been a toxic realtionship in many ways but you have still lost an important person in your life.  It’s a loss of a dream.  Loss of the future you were going to have.  Loss of the person who thought he was until you “woke up”.  It’s very normal to experience grief after a realtionship ends.  Given how many years you were a couple, I’m not suprised you’re feeling the way you are.  I’d dare to say it’e even normal. 

You’ve been so involved with your ex for so long that I think you have lost a sense of who you are without him.  That’s unhealthy but now is the time re-discover who you are, re-build your self-worth.  The only way out is through 🙁  With time it will get easier. 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/me-we/201306/how-mourn-breakup-move-past-grief-and-withdrawal

 

Post # 22
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

View original reply
WannaBeMrs.B:  One other suggestion.  If you haven’t already I’d block him from all social media and email.  Considering changing your cell # or block his #.  You don’t need to hear about how he’s doing and it takes away temptation until you’re feeling stronger.  You don’t need to feel strong just act as if.

Post # 23
Member
318 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
WannaBeMrs.B:  Please keep updating to let us know how you’re doing.  Heartbreak is the toughest thing. Sounds like you’re doing really well in extremely difficult circumstances. I second the very, very good advice someone gave you to block his social media. I believe this is something that can help with your recovery. I really wish there was something I could do to help, because breakups are so awful. There’s a really good community of online support though. Hugs x 

Post # 24
Member
1295 posts
Bumble bee

Remember that just because you love someone doesn’t mean it’s meant to work out for marriage/life.  And that’s okay.  You’re going to feel heartbroken for awhile but time heals and eventually you will find the one who makes you happier and more comfortable than your ex ever did.

I truly loved an ex of mine, and occasionally still wonder how he’s doing.  But I know I wouldn’t be anywhere near as happy and drama-free if I had married him.  

Post # 25
Member
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I agree with 

View original reply
sassy411:  

OP you should definitely write it all down. What helped me was actually writing my ex a letter, sort of venting everything I felt and it was soooo cathartic. I know it sounds cliche but time is what heals you. I promise you’ll come out on the other side so much better. Allow yourself to grieve. And then one day you’ll wake up and not cry. Then you’ll realize you haven’t cried in days, then weeks, until you’re healed. Hugs and best wishes!

Post # 26
Member
1113 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t know your story bee, but I promise it gets better.  Hang in there.  Take care of yourself.  Cry it out, be with friends, meet new friends, treat yoself.  Only surround yourself with positive people.

Post # 29
Member
10138 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Traumatic bonds are harder to break than healthy ones.  There’s a book called The Betrayal Bond by Patrick J Carnes, PhD that explains it well, OP.

There is healing work in the book also.

I think counseling is a great idea, too.  You’re suffering too much.

The topic ‘So.. I have a confession :-(’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors