So, I want to tell you about South Asian Weddings (Pakistani bride here *LONG*)

posted 5 years ago in South Asian
Post # 3
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - Serafino Wines

This is so interesting and looks like a lot of fun! Thanks so much for sharing πŸ™‚

Post # 4
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

It’s all so beautiful! I wish I had a south Asian friend getting married so I could witness all of the traditions. One must be exhausted by the end of all if that. We only have to plan one event and survive 5 hours of excitement. Still three parties are always better than one in my book. I guess my only question and it might be too personal is, how does your family feel about you marrying a Baptist white man? I hope they are overjoyed. Congrats! Thanks for sharing.

Post # 6
9181 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

So cool! One of my best friends growing up is Indian-American (first generation), and her wedding involved a lot of these traditions. It was so freaking fun and fascinating! She wore white, but in the firm of a traditional Indian two-piece outfit with the cropped top and long skirt and body wrapped fabric.

Anyway, thanks for sharing!

Post # 7
3026 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Thanks for posting! I am a little Bollywood obsessed, so it’s nice to see the full Pakistani version of a wedding (as opposed to the filmi version). Beautiful pictures!

Keep us posted on how it goes with telling your parents!

Post # 8
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@sarahboom:  This all sounds like such a blast! 

Post # 9
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Wow, love all the info (and photos! haha) thanks so much for sharing! I’m familiar with the basics, but this was definitely more detailed πŸ™‚

I hope we can help you with your wedding in any ways needed/wanted especially as pertains to more western traditions.  Do you plan to do this traditional South Asian ceremony (ceremonies!) as well as a more Western one, or combine them somehow?

Post # 10
537 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@sarahboom:  Awwww, that’s awesome!!! A good friend of mine got married last year and she’s South Asian and her wedding was so traditionally American. I was very much looking forward to witnessing those different traditions. Having been to just American weddings and a few Nigerian weddings. Congrats and I can’t wait to see your pictures!

Post # 11
1006 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Everything looks so ncredibly beautiful and colorful and so many days of celebrating!  Now I kind of wish I could do one of those weddings. Sounds like a lot of fun. πŸ™‚

Post # 12
293 posts
Helper bee

Thanks for this post! I might copy you and include a shorter version in my own invitations. I’m marrying a Paki guy, and am going to have to go through all of that, too.. and if it’s confusing for ME to follow, I can only imagine how bizzare it is for my guests! 

Good luck with telling your family about your engagement! At least he is a man “of the book”, and not an atheist like myself. πŸ˜‰ And, if your family (and extended family) are anything like my FI’s, well, him being white is a “good” thing since they treasure pale skin. Weirdest comments I’ve gone through ;P

Post # 13
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2000

Wow! Thank you so much for this. I really appreciate you taking the time to break this down for someone who will likely never see it in person, and for the laughts (cake!!).                                

I have approximately zero cultural background, but as someone who got married in hot pink, I totally feel the palette going on here. I love how you specified the typical colours for each of the days and what some of them represent. Some aspects of the Shaadi remind me of Chinese ‘door games’ – oh, what grooms must go through around the world! Tongue Out


Questions (asked from someone who’s humble in her ignorance on these things):

Am I right in assuming that alcohol does not feature? Or is there a little wiggle-room on this? (Don’t worry. I don’t associate ‘dry’ weddings with boring. I grew up with no alcohol at weddings. Or music. Or dancing. But we had cake, darn it!)

In your experience, what fills up the dance floor at a Pakistani wedding? What are the crowd-pleasing (or bemusing) Cha-Cha Slide equivalents? Is the music a mix of Western wedding favouites, or are there Pakistani equivalents of the ‘usual suspects’ on the emcee/DJs list?

The poor teenage boy hanging on the bride’s knee. I’m imagining the similar mortification of some Western teenage girls getting dragged into the bouquet toss. At least he gets paid off, I suppose!

What aspects of typical Western weddings (if any) are most likely to be incorporated in a wedding of, say, second or third generation South Asians? Are you likely to see something like a bouquet toss? Self-written vows? Ring-bearers? (just a few off the top of my head, not listed in order of what I think most likely!) I suppose what I’m asking is, is it common for aspects of the wedding to be a bit of a hybrid (even if the parties both have a similar background) or does the traditional stay pretty consistant.

Don’t feel pressured to incorporate anything you see on the boards if it feels unnatural to you (ref: “I keep coming on these boards to look for ideas on how to incorporate the traditions you ladies follow…”) I think things on here might be on the more exaggerated end of ‘typical’ anyway. To be honest, I didn’t even join until well after I was married, because I feel like an alien in my own culture. I needed to do research to ‘get it’ (still don’t), to feel part of the tribe. I had a wedding coming up I needed to attend. Weddingbee was my crib-sheet, essentially. Seeing as I eloped in my hot pink night nightgown (looked great so I bought it!) with no one but myself and my fella, and never attended a wedding as an adult, I had to go all anthropologist on this ish!

Thanks again for taking the time to introduce so many of us to this. I wish you the smoothest of engagement announcing to family members. 

Post # 14
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

I’ve never witnessed a wedding from this part of the world, but I have heard a little about them. In fact, you have already answered the one question that nosey little old me was DYING to ask… I was going to ask how you could have a nikah with a non-Muslim groom, especially because of Pakistani laws covering apostacy. Seeing as you have said he’s converting, however, it makes more sense now.

Wow. Was that a big deal for him? I know that Darling Husband really wants me to convert to Catholicism, but it’s not going to happen (certainly not in the immediate future). That must have been an intense set of conversations between you both!

PS Quick other question… how are you doing mehr? How does that work in Pakistan? I only know how it works in Africa.

Post # 15
1274 posts
Bumble bee

Thank you for posting this. I knew that South Asian weddings are very much a several day long celebration with different events throughout, but this is a great breakdown! 

it’s so interesting to see the differences in tradition and reasoning behind certain events…a lot of it in western culture is based in newer traditions (carrying a bouquet of flowers, a wedding dress being white/ivory, etc) (think 1700s and forward) and is a lot less historic then in your culture. I really love the vibrant bright colours and the beautiful outfits. 

Like a PP mentioned, a lot of weddings on here are more traditional/westernized, but if you dig deep there are some beautiful weddings I have seen on here that aren’t the typical Christian wedding. Mrs. Genie was a blogger who I loved following because her wedding was much different than the one I am planning. I find it so interesting to see how other cultures celebrate marriage πŸ™‚

Post # 16
9790 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

@sarahboom:  so awesome thanks for writing!

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