(Closed) So I’m marrying an Atheist…

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I wish you the best of luck with living with this situation.  before and after the wedding.

Post # 18
Member
5262 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

Just want to add a little extra support… my mom is a Christian and my dad is an atheist… they have been happily married for 20 years. There were hard decisions raising me along the way (my mom took over my religious upbringing, my dad chose not to say anything about what he believed unless directly asked) and I am SO GLAD that I had them both – I appreciated my mom being willing to talk to me, and I know she meant the best in the upbringing she gave me. My dad has been wonderful when I stopped believing in god and transitioned to atheism. I had the best conversation I have ever had with him (he had no part in my decision) and I was so glad to have that support. 

I know it’s a big issue, but as you seem to realize, it doesn’t doom a marriage by any means. 

Post # 19
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I think this may be an unpopular post, and I’m certainly not trying to step on any toes, but I’m uncomfortable with the prior posters who seem to be insinuating that you should be concerned that your FH is not Christian while you are.  If you and he are comfortable with this, which you seem to be, then it is CERTAINLY not any of anyone else’s business.  No one should be questioning your decision to marry an Atheist–you made a decision to marry a man you love and who loves you and we are all just here to be happy for and supportive of you.  That’s it.  Back to the only thing you actually asked for our opinion on:  I’m sorry that your uncle is so intolerant, and I’m sorry that you have to deal with this when you should just be reveling in the joy of your engagement and impending marriage.  I think it seems a little odd to call him or email him out of the blue if you don’t speak to him regularly, simply to tell him that your FH is an Atheist.  I think that shines a bigger spotlight on this than necessary.  Do you have any family members other than your mom who could pass a message on to him: Hey Uncle ______, ejoyb’s FH is not a Christian and we knew you might be disturbed by this and just thought you might like to know before the wedding.  She definitely hopes you’ll be able to be there and support them, but understands if you don’t feel comfortable.  If there is no such family member, I think you can send an email with similar wording.  Good luck with your uncle and SO MANY CONGRATULATIONS on your wedding!

Post # 20
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Hi ejoyb–I am marrying an atheist too. One thing we’ve found along the way is that “atheist” is a dirty word–it provokes some stroooooong reactions in people who might not understand that atheism does not mean you worship the devil or that you believe that life has no point. My guy is very spiritual and has been a Unitarian for years, he just doesn’t believe in a monotheistic, omniscient, omnipotent God. Anyway, our solution has been to use a word that more accurately describes his beliefs and doesn’t provoke kneejerk emotional reactions: “humanist.” I mean, your uncle is still probably not going to be OK from the way you have described him, but seriously word choice matters. That’s just what our experience has been. Perhaps you two can brainstorm a better word to describe his belief system. 

Oh and @mrsmdphd: well said.

Post # 22
Member
5262 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

You seem like you have a great worldview and a wonderful relationship. Don’t let anyone criticize that!

Post # 23
Member
1347 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree with mrsmd and lilyfaith. It might take the stress of your mind if your uncle does know about it first (so he doesn’t find out and blow up at the wedding)… No matter what, I hope the uncle doesn’t ruin your happy day. 🙂

Religion tends to make people feel very strongly about things, in real life and on this thread, doesn’t it?

 

Post # 24
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

@ejoyb-My dad is a minister (retired) and my mom is essentially not religious.  They love each other and understand each other better than most people I have known in my life.  Stay true to yourselves and congratulations on your upcoming marriage.

Post # 25
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2010

If you are serious about your christian faith and values I would seriously consider if this is the man that god truely has for you! Having the same faith and values is HUGE. Being unequally yoked is a recipe for disaster. I wish you the best no matter what you end up doing. But my advice about the uncle would be to invite him, of course he is your family! But just pray about it. God is the only one who is bigger than your situation 🙂

Post # 26
Member
5262 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

It makes me sad that some people are ignoring the OP’s actual question because they think they know better. I understand that you have an opinion, but the OP has formed her opinion, which she has the right to, and I think she deserves respect for that. 

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