(Closed) So I'm not inviting my sister's husband to the wedding….

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 61
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee

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coffeedrinker:  I didn’t invite my sister-in-law for very similar reasons. 

She’s physically abusive to my brother (he came over with a black eye before). Threatens to take the kids and leave to her home country, while he’s at work, so he’ll never see them. She’s hacked into my mom’s Facebook to spy on my brother and read their personal messages. For Father’s Day my dad wanted to eat at Outback Steakhouse, and she didn’t want to, threw a fit, and said she wouldn’t go if we didn’t eat at Chili’s (where she wanted).

Overall, I can’t stand the woman. I love my nieces and nephew so I try and stay on a neutral level.

She has never been supportive of my husband and I. She’s always been jealous because her and my brother don’t have a great relationship, so she always makes backhanded compliments to me. 

I had a very tiny wedding. I did not want my sister-in-law there because I knew she’d either do something to make it about her, or get in a fight with my brother on purpose. 

I didn’t invite her. My brother didn’t go, but my nieces went. It was such a smooth wedding with no drama and everyone who attended were supportive and happy for us. 

No regrets.

She was obviously really bitter, and my brother was mad. But it was our wedding that we paid with our hard-earned money, and I wasn’t about to have someone with that kind of negative energy.

My other family members were relieved she wasn’t there. 

Post # 62
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

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coffeedrinker:  Well, I dont have the same situation as you but I completely understand where you are coming from that you don’t want invite someone and don’t care about faux pas. My mother passed away last year and 3 months later my dad starting dating someone new. I have gone through all the emotions with it and I absolutely refuse to meet this woman. As far as I am concerned she is a golddigger who is going to take half of everything and she will never be my family. I have made it clear to my dad that she will not be welcome at my wedding. I absolutely will not allow her to push her way into my wedding like she has tried with my life. Sure, some people call me bridezilla sure some people tell me I am acting childish and rude. But simply, I do not care. People can call me whatever they want but they are not in my situation. They do not understand the emotions that seeing this woman and my father together cause me. The way I see it is my dad can spend one day with me and my brothers without her. Sure, it is selfish of me.. but it is going to be hard enough for me to get through that day without my mom. I sure as heck don’t need anyone taking her place. So like I said, our situations aren’t the same but I completely understand where you are coming from. I haven’t even made a post about my situation because I know exactly what 75% of people are going to say. Go with your gut and don’t listen to a bunch of strangers that don’t know your situation! 

Post # 63
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee

I’m so surprised by the amount of responsibility some women in this thread think you have with your sister’s relationship. You are not the only family member in her life and after years of this abuse, it sounds like you have all tried to be supportive of her. Your instinct to talk to her before sending an invite is a good one. Letting her know you would like her there, but know she is in a tough situation, would be my first instinct. Not inviting her husband is a no brainer. The sensitive thing is definitely your own relationship with your sister moving forward.

Trying to protect anyone from abuse by monitoring your own behavior is a losing battle. An abuser will seek out any excuse to be an abuser- they are just that by definition. I mean, do you think her husban needs permission to treat her like crap? Doesn’t sound like it!

Hope your wedding is wonderful and I also hope your sister comes out the other side of all of this.

Post # 64
Member
9079 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

“I’m looking for parallel anecdotes that serve as reassurance on my choice.”

 

<br /><br />This blows my mind. Just do yourself and your sister a favor and just not invite her at all.

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Post # 66
Member
2418 posts
Buzzing bee

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coffeedrinker:  We had a lovely, small, peaceful Thanksgiving yesterday with no drunken threats, rages, or shrieking laughter. 

My only living relative went to “their” Thanksgiving, after they begged her to come, but I have no complaint about her going. 

In our situation, the drunk chooses one family member to harass, gets tired of her focus after a while, then moves on to the next victim. Life always seems to be working OK until you find that you are her next target.

 

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