(Closed) So I'm officially out of the club

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
1472 posts
Bumble bee

((HUGS))

 

We are here for you!  Your story was heart-breaking, esp with all the flip-flopping he did a month ago.   That’s absolutely crazy-making and I’m so sorry you had to go through all that crap.   But as other pps’ said, stick around the WB!  You might not be planning a wedding, but I know I’d gladly (and so would other women here) be here to support you in now focusing 110% on taking loving care of yourself and taking some much needed R & R from all this heart-wrenching drama.  If you can, I say take some of that wedding planning money and go pamper yourself at the spa, get a make-over and color your hair differently, buy some cute (doesn’t have to be expensive) sexy outfits, and def get some awesome heels ๐Ÿ™‚  

 

I know everyone says this and you’re probably feeling super cruddy and anti-social at the moment, but whenever you feel like he was the one and you’ll never find another love like him….. just know that’s absolutely NOT TRUE!  This world is full of love and wonderful men out there who are just dying to meet an incredible woman as yourself they can love and spoil.  

 

Lots of hugs!!  And take care of yourself.

Post # 18
Member
428 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

So sorry!  You deserve someone better anyway.

Post # 19
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@msgiraffe2013:  I am so sorry.  I know nothing anyone says right now can make you feel better though.  I was married 15 years ago and it ended 3 years after that.  I repeatedly wished I had not gotten married to him – while we were married.  It is horrible to feel trapped and like you are married to someone who isn’t the same person that you feel in love with.   It is better to have it happen now than later.   Fast forward years later…in 2007 I became engaged again. I thought I found the love of my life.  I was so happy and excited.  He fell apart on me emotionally, stopped working, stopped leaving the house, only played video games, wouldn’t find a job, started a business and then dropped it, lost everything, filed bankruptcy and moved in with his parents.   He had issues from a previous marriage that he  hadn’t worked through 10 years prior, before he met me.   I hung in there a while and “helped”…but really the person needs to pull themselves together.  The relationship failed because I had to be the heavy, I had to be the parent.    That is not a marriage.   That is what might have happened to you.   I was devastated when the relationship ended, even though I am the one that ended it.  It took awhile to get over it, but I’m happy now and now and with a wonderful person who I never would have met had the last relationship not ended – and I would be miserable and still in the same type of situation had I stayed in it with the other guy.     It sounds like he has things he needs to work through.  It may be that you end up with him, but it’s for the best that it not be now.   He needs some time to grow and if you leave things the way they are now, if it turns out that later on you are meant to be together, you can pick up the pieces.  Staying together now will only ruin it forever.  My heart hurts for you and I know exactly  how you feel.   Please stay strong and know that it will get better.  It will be a journey for you, but i can guarantee it that you will grow more from this than you can ever imagine and you will realize how strong you really are, and once that happens you may very well look back and realize that you were always stronger than him and that it never would have worked.   I think you dodged a bullet, even though it sucks and it hurts.   But you WILL be ok and you WILL be happy and you  WILL find the person you are supposed to be with.   Please don’t leave – everyone will want to know how you are doing ๐Ÿ™‚   I am new here..and I will want to know how you are doing.  ๐Ÿ™‚  Hugs.

 

Post # 20
Member
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Really sorry this happened, but good will come of it I am sure. Keep your head up and remember that the Bees are here for you.

Post # 21
Member
6014 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

omg.  (((HUGS))) I wish  I could  get a gallon of ice cream and bring it to you.  It SUCKS. He should have handled this better… grrrr….   

 

I can’t do anything to help you … other than .. let you know I’m thinking of you and  you will find some one more suited for you .. YOU will find THE ONE .   

your ex is a jerk  off….  oh huggggggs

 

Post # 22
Member
6014 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

oh and you dodged a bullet… his finances sound lovely..  

Post # 23
Member
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

So sorry you’re going through this. It is definitely better you found out now though. You deserve much better than what he could ever offer.

Post # 24
Member
652 posts
Busy bee

@msgiraffe2013:  I’m sorry to hear that. But when you look back, you will see you totally lucked out, because that effing jerk doesn’t deserve you.

 

 

Post # 25
Member
1848 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@msgiraffe2013:  8’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know it doesnt seem like it now, but you most likely dodged a bullet.

Post # 26
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I am so sorry this happened to you. I really do not have advice for you, all I can offer is sympathy. The best thing would be to put it all behind and just move on with your life. 

Post # 27
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee

*hugs* Don’t worry, you will find happiness ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 29
Member
9966 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@msgiraffe2013:  ((HUGS))  I’m so sorry you’re hurting.  Breakups are among the worst things we ever face in life.  And especiallly the breakup of an engagement must hurt even worse.

But, consider this.  By not marrying him you saved yourself the future misery of divorcing him. 

Also, you know he’s a scumbag liar.  He is going to do the same thing to her that he did to you.  You should be feeling sorry for her about right now. 

Post # 31
Member
3088 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
@msgiraffe2013:  Very sorry you are going through this and I know EXACTLY how you are feeling.

You will grieve and it will be painful.  You are grieving because when you end a relationship in this manner, it feels like someone DIED.

Now onto some practical advice.  What I would suggest you start doing as quickly as possible is to GET out of his head. It doesnt matter if you mattered to him. Stop trying to figure out the crazy because it will  make you go crazy.  It doesnt matter that he ‘found someone else’.  What matters is that he left the LOVELY you.  It doesnt matter the reasons. It DOES NOT matter.  It hurts and it is hard but you will get through it.  Start with trying to get out his head and figure out why he did this or that or why he is doing what he is doing.  He left and NOT in a cute and honorable way.  Start practicing staying out of his head and trying to understand the crazy. It is very, very hard but train yourself to do so.  After some time, it will get easier. As soon as he pops in, force yourself to think of something else.  I have much more to say but I will encourage you to start there.  Also, write down how you feel.

Stop contacting him if you are and do not allow him to contact you and mess with your mind. He made his decision.  No back and forth. Dont play the game. He says he found someone else and his attentions should go to whatever the hell it is he found. NO CONTACT…when you feel like calling him, write things down, scream in a pillow, call a friend, come on Weddingbee….It will get better. I promise.

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