Post # 1
My younger sister might be pregnant, and I can’t help but to be jealous. I feel horrible for feeling so jealous, but FH wants to wait to have kids for 4 more years!! it’s such a long time!! I think it’s SO embarassing that she’s younger than me and can have a kid before me, and then everyone is gonna be bugging me asking when we’re gonna have kids, and it’s gonna make me feel worse.
she has a doctors appointment friday and I have to wait that long to find out, and I’m driving myself nuts. I’m so depressed thinking she might have a kid before me. It’s like the one thing I’ve feared my whole life, because I honestly saw her having a kid before me, and now that it could actually happen, I’m so upset.
is this normal or should I just stop being jealous?
Post # 3
This is obviously very important to you. I have a younger sister but can’t ever see her having a baby before me.
Have you talked to your FH about your feelings? Is there a reason that he wants to wait 4 years?
I think your response is sort of normal but I do think that it’s something you’ll have to get over. If your sister is pregnant she might reply on her big sister for support. Who knows, maybe the idea of a baby with get to your FH and he might change is tune.
Post # 4
He wants to wait that long becuase he feels he will be more ready then, financially. We both have goals we want before we have kids, We both want to lose weight, we want to be married, and own a home. He also wants to be making 30k a year before he turns 30. Right now I know we’re not ready, financially, so I know we have to wait, but I honestly wasn’t expecting this to come up out of nowhere from my sister. She’s always been a “problem” child and now it seems like everything is falling into place for her right now, while we’re struggling to pay bills and I’m struggling to find a job. I’ve always been “overshown” by her my whole life, and now it’s going to happen again. My family has a tendency to do it my whole life, I only had 2 family members show up and congratulate me for my college graduation because I was overshown by her.
Post # 5
You have to keep in mind what is right for you and your SO. From all that you listed above it sounds like having a baby right now would put serious strain on the two of you. Try to be happy and think about the positive things here.
By the time you are ready to have kids your sister will have left over baby toys, clothes, cribs, strollers, etc that she can probably give you!
You can enjoy playing and babysitting the baby but you won’t have to be the one with the full time up in the middle of the night work!
Post # 6
You guys have to do what is right for you guys. I think all your goals sound very reasonable to want to accomplish before having a baby.
Also, if you did have a baby now or very soon it would take the attention off of your child. If you stick to your plan and have a child in 4 years or so then your family will be ready to spoil another grandchild.
Post # 7
I understand how you feel.
Post # 8
I didn’t realize there was a history of her stealing your thunder…..
Let yourself feel hurt/jealous but don’t dwell on it….I’m really bad a holding grudges and it gets me nowhere….
Post # 9
I’m not going to lie, but I get jealous when my future sister-in-law talks about getting pregnant, she already has two children under 4. I feel like they aren’t in a good place to have more children (her husband is getting ready to be deployed for 18 months) but I really can’t decide that for them and I’m not ready yet either. My fiance and I put off our wedding by 17 months so that we can be in a better place financially and when we get married, we don’t have to worry about abstaining (we’re catholic) so we’ll let nature take it’s course. I have baby fever but I’m only 22 so I have some time (hopefully). Something that I can appreciate is the amount of mistakes or differences in parenting we’ll have, so I’m watching her parent and I’m making my own personal mental notes on what I’ll do when I am ready to have children. Until then, I’m reading mommy blogs 🙂
Post # 10
No matter what she’s done in the past (and I can totally see why this is a huge deal to you), you have to do what’s right for you and your FH. It wouldn’t do you any good (or be good for a child) to be brought into your home when you’re not prepared or ready. Not to mention the added stress a child can bring.
There are always financial issues in every marriage but if you and your FH have talked about it and agreed that you need to be in a more secure spot before having kids, lean on him for support.
Focus on your wedding and other positives in your life. You can’t control other people but you can control your life and what you do with it. Hang in there!
Post # 11
This totally happened to me 5 months ago! My 19 year old sister went away to college and came back K.U. … I’m the oldest so I totally understand your jealousy. I wish I could offer advice, but I still can’t get over it either due to her really bad attitude about the whole thing.
Post # 12
I know how you feel!
Darling Husband and I (married since 9/09) had been trying for 5 months when my sister (two years younger than me, and married only a month at the time) found out she was pregnant. She got pregnant on the first try, literally.
Now, here we are…I am going thru painful fertility treatments and disappointments month after month…and she is due at the end of Febuary! It KILLS me. And my parents were sooo excited for Darling Husband and I to start trying…now ALL the attention is on her. And they try to keep stuff from me so I won’t get jealous, which makes it worse!
Sending hugs! I am right there with you!
Post # 13
My younger and older sister have kids and I have none. It drives me more crazy when friends are having babies. Probably because I’m 35 and getting older every year. Four years is a long time to wait but sometimes mother nature has her way.
Post # 14
I completely understand how you feel. My younger sister has 2 kids, and yeah it bothered me in a way at first. But, honestly, I’m glad that now we are having a baby when the time is right for us and not because we are trying to keep up with anyone else. Plus, do I envy the fact that she lives with her in-laws and HATES it, heck no! I’m glad we have all our ducks in a row and actually have good jobs, college educations, and own our own house…all things she doesn’t have. Now, she wishes she planned better to have a home first, so the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.
Post # 15
It is totally normal to feel jealous. I feel jealous now and then of my friends who have babies. BUT…Have you spent a good chunk of time with someone who has a baby and really watched them? It’s a lot of work. A LOT of work. And I know that everyone *says* that, but really: it’s a lot of work. Some quality time with mom doing her thing can be sobering.
Babies are cute, but let’s be honest, here. All they do is distribute fluids. That’s ALL they do. And they will distribute them–spit up, pee, poop, barf, snot, drool–you name it, all over you, your clothes, your carpets, your floors, your cars, your pets, your furniture…In the time NOT spent bouncing them up and down ad nauseum until your arms fall off, listening to the musak playing out of their baby gear over and over and over, playing peek-a-boo, nursing them with sore nipples, and watching them knaw on things or stare at shadows–ie, when they are asleep–you are pumping milk out of the same sore nipples and cleaning up said fluids. If you have any time left over, maybe you get to shower and maybe you get to sleep. You have no idea what’s going on in the world, the last movie you will have seen will be streaming free on Netflix, you will never get past page 16 in that book, and you will have little recollection of what it’s like to eat in a restaurant. You would like to leave the house, but the thought of packing up baby and all his/her accoutrements is tantamount to Martha Stewart moving out of Turkey Hill.
Even so, totally, totally understandable to be jealous. But before you get TOO jealous, remind yourself how AWESOME it is to be cool Auntie–you get to coo and bounce them and feed them on YOUR terms. The second that you get tired, busy, frustrated or just bored, you can hand them off. Being Auntie is one awesome gig–get psyched for that!
Post # 16
I am so sorry. I know how hard it is to want something so badly but then know that you have to wait. I have to say though, it sounds like you Fiance is a very practical man. It seems he has some great goals for himself, and you do too. As much as you want a baby right now, it sounds like you have some other goals that are important to your future that might need to come first. Good luck with it all, and trust me- being an auntie is fantastic! 🙂