Post # 32
I think it may be natural to want something like that (it’s a huge deal!). I think look at the bright side – there is something very special about living with your husband, just the two of you. Having children changes your priority and it’s kinda nice to have it just you two for a while.
Post # 33
I think it’s perfectly normal to feel this way sometimes. Your time will come. When it’s right for you, it will happen.
Post # 34
*Sigh* I just made her doctor appointment. November 2nd. 🙁
Post # 35
@XxMyXxDecemberXx: I kinda know where you’re at…hubs is the older sib, but Brother-In-Law & SIL got married 5 years before us (we’d been dating for 2 years longer) & their daughter (1st grandkid for ILs) is about to be 2 years old. But here’s the positive…we didn’t have to deal with overbearing parents for the wedding b/c they’d had their “show off the kids’ wedding” moment with B&SIL’s wedding 5 years ago. Our wedding this summer was totally OUR WAY (with no need for financial assistance from them) & we LOVED it; so did they. Similarly, I think ILs were a little apprehensive about the 1st grandkid during the pregnancy, then became head over heels in LOVE with her (can’t blame them, my niece is SUPER CUTE!), and now are kind of over the overbearing “you should be bringing up your kids THIS way” stage. So, while we aren’t getting ALL the attention with our pregnancy (due in March), we aren’t getting unsolicited advice from their side, which is a BIG relief to me.
On my side, as the only child, I’ve gotten used to the overbearing, overprotective, well-meaning parents that I have & love…but it’s nice that it’s only coming from one side & therefore managable. To be honest, my mom wasn’t all that excited about the pregnancy (mostly because she’s a mom first & worried about any difficulties I’ll have since SHE had them – never mind that she was a smoker & not nearly as in shape as I am even 10 years older than she was when preggers with me)…so even if you were the first, there are drawbacks.
On a side note: why are YOU making her appointments? You shouldn’t torture yourself anymore than necessary…she (or baby’s daddy) should be the one making the appointments & doing the responsible stuff…otherwise, what kind of parent will she make. Don’t enable her to make you feel worse or shrug off the less fun part of pregnancy on you. You can’t change your situation, but you sure can let her deal with her part of it.
Post # 36
@ms.pascua – I told her I’d make her first appointment because she’s never been to a gyno before, but after that it was her responsibility. I found one that works with the hospital near us and takes her insurance
Post # 37
She told my parents, and they are pissed (as expected) and now they are taking her to the doctor instead of me. I feel a little more hurt than usual right now.
Post # 38
@XxMyXxDecemberXx: I just learned a valuable lesson the other day…It is better NOT to have the first baby!!!
I went to register with my sister (who, as I mentioned above, is pregnant) and WOW. It was not easy. And this baby has 2 grandmas and 3 grandpas….and they can not work out who is getting what, who will be “called” what (grandma, nana, etc)…and the list goes on…
I am sooo glad I can learn from her mistakes! My wedding was first, and there were so many things I would have done differently…and when I helped plan my sister’s wedding, I think many things came out much better.
And one more thing…we are planning her shower, and the decorations are expensive…BUT…If I have a baby boy also, then they can reuse the decorations and therefore spend more money on me and the baby!! 🙂
Post # 39
Wow, your sister has never been to the gyno and she’s pregnant? Not to get into a Public Service Announcement, but any woman over the age of 18 or who is sexually active should see a gynecologist annually. It is very important for a woman’s health.
Post # 40
i totally feel you… my sisterinlaw has 3 kids and just had a newborn right before the wedding.. although i love those kids to death. I am jealous, her or her husband dont have jobs and live with his mom. And this is our second month trying and it is taking a toll on me 🙁 I get so sad to think it might be a long process..
Post # 41
There are two separate issues here. The first (which you can’t do anything about) is your sister getting pregnant before you. Your disappointment is understandable, and you are correctly handling it by only venting here while being supportive to your sister.
The second issue is your four year timeline. If you really want to have children sooner, then you need to work on a plan to appease your husband’s objections. Can you cut items out of your budget or find a better paying job or work more hours to increase your savings? I’d also suggest scouring Craigslist, end-of-season sales, garage sales and school rummage sales for used clothing, books, swings and bouncers. The book Baby Bargains can help you find which items are safe to purchase used (not cribs or carseats) and which items are affordable and safe.
Finally, it is perfectly understandable for your husband to believe that now is not a good time to have a baby due to financial reasons, but it is not unreasonable for you to revisit the situation once each year in the next four years. You might find that in a year or two that hopefully your financial position will be more stable, and that your husband may be more ready for parenthood. Four years is an awfully long time, and it really wouldn’t be surprising if your managed to plan to have children sooner.
Post # 42
Look at it this way, when she is prego you can be drinking wine and eating all the sushi and deli meats you want! And when she is pulling her hair out because she hasnt slept in 3 days (after the baby’s born) you can sleep in till noon!