(Closed) So, I'm THAT person that invites themselves to a wedding!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

Good going girl! LOL I would have said the same thing, but like you, in a joking manner! I would go anyways…. funny!

And for your questions…

1) Should I go??


2) What kind of gift is a self invited, last minute “seat filler” advised to give?

Whatever you want, check out the registry for anything not bought yet?

3) Please tell me you’ve done something similarly mortifying!

I did it all the time, and sometimes I would have gotten invited and sometimes I didn’t! (yeah, that was BEFORE weddingbee, now I don’t invite myself anymore! I know wedding “etiquette now! LOL)

Post # 4
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Haha … too funny!

I would play it off in good spirits and do exactly as you said: be a “seat filler” so that less of their hard-earned money gets wasted. (Seriously? If you were to decline after having the conversation you just described, I bet they would be beyond annoyed!) I would give a nice gift to the couple, and also probably a small thank-you gift (a bottle of wine?) to the bride’s parents with a note saying how much you enjoyed the beautiful wedding and that you totally weren’t expecting/angling for a late-hour invitation, but you were very happy that they decided to include you and that the other guests’ loss was your gain, something along those lines.

Post # 5
591 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Go and have a great time!  

Post # 6
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Go! You were nothing but helpful. Enjoy yourself. 

And tell them if they need two more, my husband and i would love to attend. 

Post # 7
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Attend. These people were probably hoping to find some way to either fill the seats without offending anyone or find out if its possible to not pay for the no’s. I don’t see that you invited yourself, I see that you made a cooment as a joke and the parents thought about it and liked the idea of having other people come that didn’t make the initail guest list. It’s not like this girl is a complete stranger to you, you just aren’t close, entirely possible you wre initially considered for invite and got cut do to venue and budget restrictions. Either get a gift from their registry or give them a decent amount in cash, they will be touched by the thoughtfulness.

Post # 8
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

1. You should ABSOLUTELY go!!! They invited you, and you understand their situation, if they didn’t want you there they would have taken your advice and invited someone else.  

2. Same as a regular gift– ask where they’re registered and pick something.  My rule is between $50 & $100 depending on how flush I’m feeling.  

3. I actually did the same thing as the parents– Our venue was for 100 people, we invited about 110 originally, but we got several declines, so I started asking friends informally if they’d like to come– I even invited my 2 coaches at the gym about 3 weeks prior.  I was afraid that I might have offended them with the last minute and informal invite, but they were thrilled.  They even rearranged the gym’s schedule and closed early that day so they could all make it! 

Post # 9
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012


My mom invited my boyfriend to my cousin’s wedding about 5 years ago, lol. Whoops. That is a far worse crime, don’t sweat your situation. Enjoy it and have fun.

Post # 10
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

That is hilarious!  You should totally go and have a great time.  Check their registry!

I once got very offended that I hadn’t been invited to my then-boyfriend’s friend’s wedding.  We had only been dating like….a year and weren’t living together.  He’s now my husband, and I had hung out with the bride before, but yeah, I can see now that I didn’t really require an invite!  He didn’t attend because I wasn’t invited.  :S

Post # 11
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

After my cousin got engaged, I brought my then-boyfriend (now Fiance) home for Christmas for the first time. As we were saying goodbye to him and his fiance, we/he said “See you in June!” Mistake #1– I’m family but assumed they’d let me bring a guest!

Their wedding was about 8 hours from where we lived. They invited me and a guest and we RSVP’d that we were going…but I was late getting it in the mail and the bride fb messaged me! Then about 2 days before their wedding, my boyfriend got sick and we had to take him to the emergency room. So I cancelled at last minute!

Oh yeah. And I forgot to send a gift for their wedding. Embarassed I didn’t feel so bad about it until later when I was researching wedding policies and how you have to pay the plate costs ahead of time. I was like “oh no they had to pay for our food even though we weren’t there!” It’s too bad not everyone knows this stuff!

They just had a baby though so even though I couldn’t make it to the shower, I sent a gift.



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